Melancholic
by fukuji mihoko
Summary: Whilst waiting for Battler to return, Shannon begins to become closer to Jessica. Shannon isn't a very good maid- but she resolves to be a better friend; and they've both been so lonely for so long. :Shannon/Jessica, Shannon/Battler, spoilers for ep7:
1. First there was our tentative friendship

**Melancholic  
><strong>Chapter One

'1981: First there was that tentative friendship'

* * *

><p>"Hey, be careful!"<p>

"A-ah… I-I'm sorry…"

Shannon's face flushed bright pink as she felt arms- Jessica's arms- encircle her waist from behind; and the strange sensation of Jessica's breath against the back of her neck blew her hair about gently.

Shannon had never been that close to Jessica before; not since they'd been young children, and they'd played together on the beach building sandcastles and getting sunburns.

Shannon wasn't too sure how she'd ended up like that; it had happened too quickly, and when her heart finally stopped racing and her breathing evened out Jessica had already released her.

She'd… nearly fallen over, hadn't she?

That was probably why the bed sheets she'd been carrying- she same ones she'd folded up so neatly only a few minutes earlier- were crumpled at her feet in a haphazard mess.

If Jessica hadn't been there- hadn't caught her on time- Shannon knew that she, too, would have collapsed on the floor like those crumpled sheets.

She'd worked so hard trying to fold them, too…

A wasted effort.

Shannon bit her lower lip, looking at the scene of chaos on the floor. Worry began to well in her eyes, at the same time irritation at her own clumsiness bubbled in her heart, and embarrassment stained her cheeks.

Shannon seemed to fall over a lot.

Far more than a maid should have done.

How ridiculous was that; a maid who couldn't complete the simplest of household chores? It was no wonder Miss Natsuhi scolded her so much; Shannon was always misplacing things, losing her keys and shattering the fine-boned china with her clumsy fingers.

Things like that happened to Shannon a lot.

It was almost as if she were possessed by some demon; but Shannon knew, in reality, the strange force that compelled her to do stupid things was simply her own incompetence.

Nothing else.

She was too old to blame demons on her shoddy skills now.

And yet admitting that- even if it was only within the confines of her own head- hurt a little.

Shannon tried her best; she really did.

But her 'best' never seemed to be good enough.

Especially as she was always lost in daydreams.

Shannon daydreamed a lot. She walked around with her feet on the floor and her head in the clouds; moving through life as though she didn't really belong there.

And, often times, Shannon felt like she was merely in the way.

There wasn't much else to do on Rokkenjima save completing chores, reading books (Shannon adored mystery novels- she always had done, ever since Kumasawa introduced them to her at a young age) and fantasizing.

And so Shannon did just that.

She fantasized.

But she always ended up paying the price.

It was a good job Miss Natsuhi hadn't seen her trip over her own feet and spill that spotless (or, at least, it _had _been spotless) white linen on the floor, or else she would have been scolded for sure. Miss Natsuhi could be a very harsh woman, and she was incredibly strict; far more so than Jessica.

Shannon knew Jessica wouldn't scold her.

Jessica was so kind.

Even if Shannon didn't deserve it.

Even if- as a servant- Jessica really shouldn't have caught Shannon when she fell; or excused her when she messed up (which happened with alarming frequency).

"You don't need to apologize," said Jessica, giving Shannon a two-fingered salute. She was grinning. "It's cool. Everybody makes mistakes."

Shannon felt her face flush again at this display of kindness. It was strange, unusual; why was Jessica so friendly towards her when she was only a lowly maid?

But Shannon wasn't just a lowly maid to Ushiromiya Jessica, was she?

They were… 'friends'… weren't they?

In all of Shannon's childhood memories- sepia-tainted now with age (for Shannon was older now, even if she was still barely a teenager)- Jessica was there, smiling.

Laughing.

It had been the four of them back then- always the four of them.

Jessica and George and Shannon.

And Battler…

'_I'll come back for you on a white horse!'_

Battler and his childhood promises, wide smiles, red hair that wouldn't lie flat and his love for mystery novels.

Still blushing, Shannon looked down at her feet. Her bangs hid her eyes; covering her face- and, with shaky legs and trembling fingers, Shannon bent down. She began to gather the fallen bed sheets against her chest.

It wouldn't do to become so sentimental now.

The Ushiromiya family conference was looming- only a few days away- and there was still so much to be done (no matter how hard Shannon and the other servants worked it never seemed to be enough; especially around this chaotic time of year).

Miss Natsuhi had seemed almost ready to pull her hair out in frustration and panic- and her skin had looked so pale lately.

Almost ghostly.

Natsuhi was an Ushiromiya only by marriage; Kinzo's blood did not flow through her veins, and, as such, the other relatives (especially Eva) were critical of her.

Everything had to be perfect for the family conference.

_Everything._

Natsuhi was in a very precarious position- and the slightest error could ruin her reputation (or what little 'reputation' she actually possessed; because Shannon had heard what Eva said about her, and it wasn't very nice).

In some strange way, Shannon felt she and Miss Natsuhi were very similar. Natsuhi was always striving to please the Ushiromiya family; sometimes even driving herself to sickness and ill health whilst attempting to do so. She took too much upon herself, working her own body almost as hard as she worked her servants, until she nearly collapsed.

And Shannon, too, always strived to please the Ushiromiya family; to prove her competence to the others.

She wasn't so dissimilar from Miss Natsuhi- not at all.

In fact, Shannon sympathized with her poor Mistress.

But it would probably have been insolent to say such a thing (merely thinking it was bad enough), and Miss Natsuhi would surely be angry if she had known a lowly servant believed herself to be comparable to a member of the great Ushiromiya family- even if it was only through marriage (a tenuous link, but a link all the same)- so Shannon said nothing.

Shannon tried to perform her duties as a maid to her full abilities, hoping to ease Miss Natsuhi's workload somewhat; but that was all she could do.

And she couldn't even do _that_ very well.

It was no wonder Miss Natsuhi snapped at her so often.

Jessica knew how stressed her mother was; she had seen Natsuhi press her fingers against her temple multiple times throughout the day, as though her skull were about to shatter from some heavy, unimaginable pressure.

Surely Jessica should have been angry with Shannon- the silly, clumsy maid that she was, always daydreaming (never working hard enough)- for increasing her mother's workload? For increasing her worries; abundant though they already were?

But Jessica never seemed bitter about it.

Shannon couldn't imagine Jessica being bitter about anything.

Instead, she always smiled.

Her smile was so bright…

"That looks kind of difficult for one person," said Jessica, watching as Shannon tried to gather the bed sheets against her chest- but they were so heavy, there was too much material, and Shannon's arms could hardly reach around them.

Even so, Shannon shook her head.

"N-no- it's alright," she said. "I can manage…"

Jessica only rolled her eyes in response.

"Like hell you can."

Then, in one swift movement, Jessica bent down- her blonde ponytail bouncing- and…

Shannon's eyes widened.

Her lips parted in a small 'o'.

Ushiromiya Jessica- the daughter of Miss Natsuhi, her Mistress- was sat on the floor, getting her knees dirty as though she were a common scullery maid, helping her- Shannon- pick up the sheets she'd dropped.

That shouldn't have happened.

In no universe should Shannon have been helping _her._

Miss Natsuhi would be furious if she found out. Her daughter- her flesh and blood (a real Ushiromiya; the oldest of Kinzo's grandchildren with a claim to be his successor)- crouching on the dirty floor, doing a servant's work?

That was unacceptable.

And Shannon knew it.

"A-ah… Y-you don't have to do that, Milady!"

Jessica's eyes narrowed at this. She pouted- puffing her cheeks out like a blowfish.

"Don't call me that!"

"…Milady?"

"That!" Jessica said again, stabbing a finger at Shannon's face- and, subsequently, dropping the sheets she'd been picking up. Jessica didn't seem to care, though. "Don't call me 'Milady!' It makes me feel so _oldddd._"

"B-but that's how I'm meant to address you…"

"Yeah, around mom," said Jessica, still pouting. "But not when we're alone! I thought we were meant to be friends?"

Shannon looked down at the white sheets in her hands (or, at least, they _had_ been white- once upon a time. But their past cleanliness was a mere memory now. Even though a normal person wouldn't have been able to spot the dirt and dust on them, Natsuhi- with her eagle eye- would have been able to with ease.

Natsuhi was so perceptive it was just a little scary).

Shannon's voice was soft- almost a whisper- when she said, tremulously, "I-is that so…?"

"_**Yes**_, that is so!" Jessica declared, prodding Shannon in the forehead (Shannon flushed). "Unless you wanna say you don't _want _to be my friend? Are you trying to get rid of me…?"

Those words struck a chord inside Shannon.

The small, clumsy servant lifted her head- moving so quickly strands of brown hair fluttered in the breeze- and her gaze met Jessica's.

Even though Jessica was smiling (make that smirking), there was something… a little 'off' about her expression.

Shannon might have been imagining it (Shannon was good at that; she imagined a lot of things), but she could have sworn Ushiromiya Jessica looked… hurt.

Maybe.

If she wasn't much mistaken.

And… that expression didn't suit.

Jessica was usually such a cheerful person; smiling in a typical happy-go-lucky way that suggested she didn't have a care in the world. To see her wearing anything other than simple, straight-forward smile on her face was disconcerting.

Upsetting, even.

Shannon shifted uneasily- well aware of how strange the situation was. She was crouched on the floor of the dining room, a bundle of cloth gathered in her arms (but far more of those linen covers were spread across the floor), looking at Jessica with a blush across her face.

She knew she should have moved; got to her feet.

Those bed covers wouldn't wash, iron and fold themselves without her; and Shannon needed to complete her tasks before Miss Natsuhi suffered from some kind of stress-related meltdown.

But Shannon's body was frozen; she couldn't even move her fingertips.

And she…

Felt guilty.

Despite her teasing smile, Jessica looked upset; and Shannon was sure it was her fault.

"_I thought we were meant to be friends?"_

"_I-is that so…?"_

Had she been insensitive?

But servants weren't meant to be friends with their masters. That stepped over some boundaries- boundaries that weren't meant to be broken- and Shannon was sure it was unprofessional.

Miss Natsuhi would have been angry…

It was true that they had been friends, even played together, when they were much younger; when Shannon had only just arrived on Rokkenjima, and Jessica had eagerly dragged her round like a rag doll (a new toy- a new friend!), showing her the mansion and telling her horror stories about strange, misshapen creatures that lurked the woods that Shannon knew Jessica had just made up to scare her (and even though the logical side of her brain told her this, those nightmarish tales had still kept her up at night, shuddering with fear).

But Shannon was older now.

She should have known better.

But… Jessica looked so forlorn…

"N-no… I-it's not like that…" said Shannon softly, pressing her fingers into the bed sheets. Their warmth was comforting; it helped calm her nerves. "W-we… can be friends…"

"We always were friends, _stupid_," Jessica corrected- but her eyes had softened, and her smile looked more genuine.

It made her whole face light up.

Jessica's eyes were dark blue- but they seemed even warmer when she was smiling.

Just like the ocean.

Almost like Battler's eyes…

"Ah…" Shannon's face began to flush at that memory, and she looked down at the floor- at her own knees. "I-I'm sorry, Milady."

"I already said, don't call me that!"

"Kyah!"

Shannon's vision was soon eaten by a vast expanse of darkness.

Jessica had pulled her hat over her eyes.

"A-ah…" Shannon stammered, her fingers going to her head- rearranging her hat (but her hair was all messy now; and, with a wide-eyed expression, Shannon watched as Jessica began to laugh). "T-that was mean!"

In response, Jessica stuck out her tongue.

"I don't care! You deserved it!"

"N-no I-I didn't…" Shannon muttered, voice soft- her fingers still threading through her hair. "I didn't…"

"You called me 'Milady'," Jessica replied. "I hate it. I told you not to do that. I had every right to do that!"

"U-um…"

"Tch. _Fine_." Jessica got to her feet- folding her arms- and looked down at Shannon from her new height; a rather cruel smile playing across her lips. "If you want me to abuse my power I can totally do that, too!"

"U-um…" Shannon blinked up at Jessica from under her eyelashes, worry playing across her face. "Y-yes?"

"Shannon!" Jessica declared, her voice taking on the same kind of authoritative tone as her mother's; but she was smiling- not being serious.

At least, not _that_ serious.

"I order you to call me by my first name!"

"B-but…" Shannon floundered, the words sticking in her throat, as she tried to think of some objection; some reason as to why she could disobey this command. "B-but…"

"Uh uh!" Jessica shook her head. "I won't let you worm your way out of this one! Nooo way! It's an order, remember? Don't you have to do that I say?"

Shannon's face flushed light pink.

But she still managed to spit the words out.

"O-okay… U-um… J-j-jessica…?"

Jessica's name sounded foreign on her lips; it caught her tongue, and came out badly broken (just like that teacup Shannon had dropped the other day).

How long had it been since Shannon called Jessica that?

She couldn't remember.

And yet…

It seemed to be enough.

"There~ That wasn't so difficult, was it? I know my name's weird and difficult to pronounce, but… Ahaha~ You dummy."

Jessica's smile became more sincere; and Shannon could help but think it was strange. Bizarre, even.

How could such a simple gesture make somebody so happy?

How could Shannon- a lowly servant- manage to make Jessica smile like that?

Maybe Shannon wasn't the only one who'd missed Battler…

Maybe Jessica had been lonely, too.

"Alright!~" Jessica declared, voice louder- more chipper- than before. "Let's get to work, kay?"

"W-what?" Shannon asked, clutching the sheets to her chest even tighter (if they hadn't been crumpled before, they certainly were now). "W-what do you mean?"

"Huh?" Jessica raised a brow. "What do _you _mean, 'what do I mean'? I'm going to help you, of course."

"H-help me…?"

"Yeah. I know it's a _strange _concept for you to wrap your head around, but that's what friends do."

"U-um…"

"I know it's _**weird**_, but you'll get used to it," Jessica replied, smirking.

Before Shannon could protest (she wasn't even sure what to say; she didn't want to upset Jessica again) Jessica had gathered the remaining sheets in her hands- creasing them so badly it almost made Shannon cry out 'don't do that!'

But she remained silent.

It probably would've been hypocritical to berate Jessica for doing the exact same thing that she was, anyway.

Shannon's mouth opened and closed, but no sound emitted.

"Hmn? Shannon?" asked Jessica curiously. "Are you okay…?"

"I'm fine…" Shannon replied slowly, haltingly- looking at the floor. "But won't Miss Natsuhi get angry? It's not your job to help me…"

"But it looked like way too much work for one person!" Jessica declared stubbornly, crushing those sheets against her chest with too much strength- and if those bed sheets had been alive, surely their entrails would have been expelled from their mouths at Jessica's completely graceless way of handling them. "I just want to help out! We'll get it done quicker this way, right?"

"B-but Miss Natsuhi…"

Shannon thought it would have been tactless to add 'but you're even worse at household chores than me'- though that was still a valid concern.

In all honesty, Jessica's reasoning was a little flawed. Shannon probably would have been able to handle the laundry quicker by herself than with Jessica; but she didn't want to upset Jessica again.

She really looked better when she was smiling.

And Shannon didn't like upsetting people.

"What about her?" Jessica replied, eyes blazing with determination. "I've seen her get all stressed out! I want to feel like I'm doing something productive to help, too! It shouldn't matter who does what as long as all the work gets finished, right?"

"I-if you want to do something productive you could try tidying your room…" Shannon muttered under her breath.

Unfortunately, Jessica heard her.

"What was that?"

Shannon's cheeks flushed light pink.

"U-um… Nothing!"

"Right. Nothing." Jessica frowned. "You _**liar**_."

"I-I'm sorry…"

"Well, I don't care what you think!" Jessica shot back, pulling a rather unattractive face to punctuate her point. "I'm going to help you whether you like it or not. Now get off your ass and pull yourself together."

Shannon squeaked in response, getting to her feet- nearly collapsing again (for some reason her knees felt weak; her legs didn't want to support the rest of her body).

Those bed sheets shouldn't have been so heavy; but they seemed to be weighing down her arms.

Or maybe it wasn't a real, physical pressure that felt so heavy in Shannon's heart.

It was something… far warmer than that.

Shannon buried her flushed face against the soft covers in her arms, wishing her erratic heartbeat would calm down; trying to force her breathing to remain regular.

She… had a friend…

"_We always were friends, __**stupid**__."_

"Don't look so surprised," said Jessica, grinning (Shannon couldn't see Jessica's expression, but she could hear the smirk in her words). "We're friends, right?"

"R-right…"

Shannon couldn't let Miss Natsuhi find out. She'd be so angry- and she had every right to be. It wasn't 'proper' for servants to befriend those above them; and Jessica's status was so much higher than Shannon's Shannon felt like she had to tilt her head back sixty degrees just to get a glimpse Jessica's face.

But Jessica wasn't just 'Milady'.

She was a human being, too.

And Shannon was sure she'd been lonely.

But she wouldn't be anymore.

Shannon might not have been a good maid- she was clumsy, forgetful, and always dreaming- but she hoped (sincerely hoped, from the bottom of her heart) that she could be a decent 'friend'.

She didn't want Jessica to feel lonely anymore.

Because Shannon already knew just how painful that was.

* * *

><p><strong>an: **And so I start another Umineko fic with an 'interesting' pairing, even though there are a million and one other things I should be doing. Yayyy :D  
>This pairing isn't crack at all though, you know. It's basically canon.<br>Well, not quite, but it might as well be XD

I hope everybody's IC enough so far?

If you like this fic thus far please tell me :3  
>^_^``<p>

**~renahhchen xoxo**


	2. Then there was that smile you gave me

**Melancholic****  
><strong>Chapter Two

'1981: Then there was that smile you gave me'

* * *

><p>The annual Ushiromiya family conference had ended without incident; or, with no more 'incidents' than usual. Eva had been her usual sour self, spitting poison at Natsuhi and questioning her status as an Ushiromiya when she wasn't even permitted to wear the one-winged eagle- but that was fairly common practice for Eva.<p>

Once Shannon had seen the other Ushiromiyas off at the harbor (George had given her a warm smile and a 'farewell' meant only for her; and how had George become such a gentleman? When had that happened? He had always been quiet, refined- but never before had been quite that _charming_) Natsuhi seemed to recover. Her headaches became less and less frequent; and Shannon saw the put-upon woman massaging her temples only on rare occasions.

After the noise and chaos of the family conference (bickering between the siblings was a given, even if it had been rather low-key that year; maybe because the level-headed Kyrie had been there), the island was- once more- left in silence...

"_**Shannon! **_Are you spacing out again?"

"U-um... N-no...!"

Or, at least, something vaguely resembling 'silence'.

It was impossible to peace and quiet to prevail, though, when Ushiromiya Jessica was around.

Shannon, who had been busy stripping Jessica's pillows of their old cases, froze.

Had she been spacing out?

She hadn't, had she...?

At least, she didn't think she'd been, but maybe...

"Oh my gosh, I don't believe this!" Jessica sniggered. "You're doing it _again._"

Shannon's face flushed.

"N-no I'm not!" she countered- half-heartedly, because some part of her was saying she wasn't meant to answer back to her masters, and another part of her said such boundaries didn't exist between friends; but a greater part of Shannon, greater than those confusing conflicting emotions, was saying there was no point denying her inattentiveness anyway because it was obvious (even to herself) her head had been well and truly in the clouds.

Her mind hadn't been in her head at all- at least, in a metaphorical sense.

And Shannon certainly hadn't been focusing on her work.

That in itself would have been excusable. Making beds wasn't very difficult- not even for a clumsy maid like Shannon- and her fingers would move by themselves whilst her head carried her elsewhere, to half-formed fairytales and princes on white horses.

But Jessica had been talking to her.

Jessica had a tendency to talk too quickly when she was over-excited (which, Shannon had learnt to discover, was whenever Jessica had somebody to converse _with_), and Shannon hadn't heard all the details. Something about some girl called... 'Akita'?

Whilst Shannon had no idea who 'Akita' was, or what she had done that was (in Jessica's eyes) so inexcusable, Shannon had tried to show an interest. She had nodded and gone 'mmn hmn' at appropriate intervals, whilst she folded the dirty linen and put fresh cases on Jessica's pillows.

However, at some point, Shannon's mind had wandered.

And being inattentive was- for both a maid, _and _a friend- inexcusable.

"Oh geez," Jessica sighed, stabbing a finger at Shannon in an accusatory manner. "You weren't listening to me at all, were you?"

Shannon backed away slightly, flushing- and felt a small jolt of pain, as she collided with the wall.

O-ouch...

That kind of hurt...

Apparently some guys liked 'clumsy maids' (at least, Shannon had heard two of the other maids talking about that, whilst giggling), but Shannon couldn't stand being so inept. It was embarrassing- and painful.

In Shannon's eyes, there was nothing_ endearing_ about getting bruised shins because she kept walking into solid objects.

Nothing at all.

"I-I _was _listening..." Shannon mumbled into the pillow she held against her chest. "I was..."

Jessica's eyes narrowed.

"Yeah, sure, right. Then what was I saying?"

Well. Jessica had her there.

That was precisely why Shannon didn't tell lies; because she was never able to follow them through, or make them sound believable. Not to mention, whenever she told an untruth, she always felt herself flushing, and her fingertips trembling, as though she expected to be chastised- and Shannon (being reasonably sensible) would have preferred to avoid any unpleasant sensations if at all possible.

"U-um..." Shannon muttered, floundering, as her fingers dug even deeper into the pillow. She looked around at Jessica's room, as though hoping to find some inspiration (what _had_ she been talking about?), but- unsurprisingly- it didn't help.

"You know what I think, Shannon?" asked Jessica, voice dangerous.

"W-what do you think...?"

Jessica was sat, cross-legged, on her freshly made bed, getting creases in the covers- but Shannon didn't have the heart to shoo her off. The blonde girl was pouting.

She pulled that face a lot.

Shannon vaguely remembered a time when they were very young- maybe six or seven- and they'd gone to the beach ('they' being her and Jessica and George and Battler). Jessica and Battler had worked at building a sand castle, claiming it was going to the 'best sand castle in the world!'- speaking with the same pride all young children held about their 'endeavors'. Battler and Jessica had toiled and toiled away at that sand castle, putting _real _sweat, blood and tears into their task (Battler had fallen over and scraped his knee and it had looked pretty painful, but he pushed Shannon's concerns away, gritted his teeth together and picked himself back up).

And then the tide had come in and washed all their hard work away.

The pout little six year old Jessica had worn on that day, as she watched her sand castle collapse and crumble, was very similar to the pout she wore now, looking up at Shannon.

"I think you're..."

Jessica paused, building suspense- almost as if she were waiting for a drum roll. She picked a pillow up, turning it over and over in her hands as she pondered.

Shannon continued to watch her, her lips pursed slightly in concern.

"M-milady...?"

That was a mistake.

Jessica's eyes narrowed at this.

In a sudden motion, Jessica drew back her hand-

"I think you're a_ liar_!"

"Kyahh!"

-and threw the pillow at Shannon.

Luckily, Shannon managed to catch it.

With her face.

If this was what 'friendship' was, Shannon wasn't too sure she wanted it.

It was _painful._

"You've been acting weird for ageeees," said Jessica, drawing out the word for so long it was a wonder it didn't snap in two. "Ever since, umm, the family conference, I think. I know you have a lot of stuff to do, but you've never been that spacey before. Why? Whyyy?~"

Shannon felt her face flush slightly at the question. At that moment she was glad Jessica had thrown the pillow at her, because it meant she had an excuse to bend down and pick it up; to hide her red cheeks from questioning eyes.

"You're blushing. Why're you blushing, Shannon?"

"E-eheheh..."

It didn't work, though.

Jessica was incredibly perceptive- far more than Shannon would ever have believed, considering Jessica's bedroom was in a perpetual state of disarray. Honestly- it looked like a bomb had hit it.

That seemed to fit Jessica's personality, though.

Chaotic and cluttered- but, at the same time, comforting.

Jessica's bedroom was completely different to the rest of the mansion; a small spot of untidiness amidst a sea of swept floors and pristine furniture. The main mansion always felt dead- and that only made the atmosphere more eerie when Shannon walked through the corridors at night, and the windows would (seemingly) open themselves to let the cold air in. Jessica's room was filled with her personality though; from the posters on her walls to the clothes that littered her floor- and it felt far more lived-in than any other area of the mansion.

Shannon couldn't imagine any ghost stories circulating about Jessica's room.

It was... safe.

"Shannon~" Jessica half-sang her name, looking up at Shannon as she placed the pillows back onto the bed. "You're being_ weird_."

"I-I'm not 'weird'."

"Oh yeah you are. Incurably weird. It's like a virus! You're infected!"

Shannon turned to look at Jessica, frowning slightly.

"What am I infected with?"

"..._Something_." Jessica's eyes widened, and the tone of her voice dropped, as though she were about to tell a horror story. "It's difficult to describe, but you're not like other girls... Your hair always looks so nice- like, even when you're outside and it's all windy and stuff- and you're so pretty... Way too pretty! _No_ girl should be that pretty. So I think it's a symptom of something."

"A symptom?"

Jessica laughed.

"Like a _disease_."

"M-maybe it's contagious..." Shannon said, returning Jessica's smile with a tentative one of her own.

It wouldn't hurt to play along.

The other maids all excluded Shannon from their conversations. She was 'strange', the 'odd one out'; clumsy Shannon who always lost her keys, poor Shannon whose face was always flustered, pitiable Shannon who was always, _always_ scolded by Natsuhi.

Shannon... didn't really have any friends...

It had been a while since she joked with somebody in such a light-hearted manner.

It felt... nice.

Even though it was a little strange.

"Maybe it is contagious," Jessica replied, nodding sagely. "Maybe."

"Perhaps I should leave?" Shannon asked. "I wouldn't want you to catch anything."

"Nahhh." Jessica shook her head, still smiling. Her ponytail bounced slightly at the moment. "S'okay."

A small pause overtook them; a delicate silence running through the room- but it was tenuous, like a single thread.

'Silence' and 'Ushiromiya Jessica' did not, as a rule, go hand-in-hand together. Whenever Jessica was around quiet turned tail and peace fled for cover; such was the blonde girl's loud nature.

But... Jessica didn't look particularly loud at that moment.

Instead, she was staring up at her ceiling, her eyes misty and far-away.

"I wish it _was_ contagious..."

Shannon looked at Jessica curiously, unsure whether she'd heard that correctly. Jessica's voice had been speculative- almost longing- and it was just a little disconcerting.

Why did Jessica sound so sad...?

"Being pretty," Jessica muttered, clarifying, even though Shannon never asked her to- and her brows were furrowed, her lips pursed, and Jessica looked just as confused as Shannon was. "I wish it was... Then maybe I'd have tried to spend more time around you- and we'd never have drifted apart. And I would look more like you..."

"J-jessica?"

"Hn?"

Jessica blinked, looking at Shannon as though she'd only just seen her for the first time- and then she smiled. Laughing, looking a little sheepish, Jessica ruffled her hair with her hands, running fingers through her ponytail.

"Ignore that," Jessica said, laughing. "I wasn't being serious. Just thinking out loud, y'know? Ahahaha..."

Jessica's tone was light-hearted. Teasing.

But that wasn't all.

Shannon had caught a definite hint of 'something else' in there.

Something strangely wistful.

And didn't friends comfort other friends...?

Shannon sat down next to Jessica, moving awkwardly- she wasn't sure whether she, as a servant, was allowed to be so forward (but she wasn't_ just _a servant, was she? Or was she being presumptuous...?)

The mere act of sitting down... shouldn't have felt so strange.

When was the last time she sat down and spoke to Jessica?

Shannon shook her head.

That didn't matter.

The past was the past, after all; but this was now, and Jessica was upset (even though she was laughing, pretending she wasn't), and it was Shannon's job to cheer her up.

"Please don't say things like that," said Shannon, smiling softly. "There are many good qualities about you, too. And you _are_ pretty."

"Huh. You try telling that to some of the guys I know... They'd much prefer a girl like you."

"I-is that so?"

"All guys like maids."

"T-that seems like a very shallow reason to like somebody."

"People are shallow creatures. Sometimes it kind of makes me feel sick. Haha..."

Jessica gave a small laugh, but it lacked it's usual humor.

It was empty.

"Um... J-jessica...?"

Then, suddenly, in a burst of movement, Jessica lifted her hair- blonde hair bouncing- and affixed Shannon with a suspicious glare.

"But that doesn't matter!" Jessica declared. "Stop changing the subject! You've got to tell me what's wrong!"

Shannon bit her lip, face flushing- both at Jessica's close proximity (was this another thing 'friends' did? The other maids hardly ever went near her) and her demand; 'tell me what's wrong.'

Shannon thought about saying 'I wasn't changing the subject' because she hadn't been; it was _Jessica_ who'd brought up that 'disease' spiel; but Shannon was sure Jessica would say 'stop stalling!' if she tried to correct her. Besides, Shannon wasn't the sort of girl who _could _correct people anyway; it was always her who was getting scolded by other people. Trying to turn the tables felt wrong, somehow, as though she were going against the natural order of things. If Shannon tried to be assertive the whole world would be turned upside down! Chaos would take hold of Rokkenjima!

...Well, maybe not.

Shannon smiled a little at that thought.

Like she- a lowly maid- could never have had such an explosive impact on Rokkenjima. If she put one toe out of line, it was more likely Miss Natsuhi would just fire her.

But she could always dream.

She could always dream she was more important than she really was... A pivotal character in a mystery story, maybe.

...Or even a romance.

Because he said he was going to come back for her.

He said.

A-and even though he hadn't returned _that_ year- the family conference of 1981 was over, swept under the rug like dust and dirt- he would definitely return again. The next year, maybe?

...There were no 'maybes' about it.

He would definitely come back the next year.

Because princes didn't make promises they couldn't keep.

T-they didn't...

And Shannon wouldn't let herself doubt that.

Hope was all she had.

"You're flushing again!" Jessica cried, prodding Shannon's cheek with one of her fingers- effectively snapping Shannon out of her daydream, as though bursting a balloon. "Either you're actually sick, or..."

Jessica's eyes were sparkling mischievously.

Shannon... didn't like that look.

It seemed to signal trouble.

"O-or?" Shannon asked tremulously- almost nervous for the reply.

She didn't have long to wait.

"It's so obvious!" Jessica said, still grinning. "You... have a boyfriend!"

Shannon's eyes widened to such great proportions they nearly ate up half of her face.

"E-ehhh?"

And the squeak she gave probably could've been heard by the seagulls across the ocean.

"It's true, isn't it?" Jessica asked excitably. Her face was triumphant; and she was peering into Shannon's face with such intensity it felt as though she could have burnt a hole through Shannon's head. "It's true you've always been a bit flaky, but that's gotten even worse lately! When you're meant to be working you just sort of stop sometimes, and stare off into the distance, and you get this stupid smile on your face... And you keep blushing! Shannon's in love! It's, like, the _only _explanation!"

Once again, Shannon was reminded of just how very perceptive Jessica was.

Shannon felt her heartbeat increase, just a little, as images of Battler fluttered past her mind's eye like butterflies; his smile, his laugh.

His promise.

And even though Shannon believed the past was in the past, she couldn't let go of that memory; it was ingrained into her mind like a carving in wood.

Shannon clung onto that promise- that handful of words spoken by an idealistic boy- as a dying person would hold onto their last breaths (their last chance of life), because it was all they could do.

It was all Shannon could do.

Shannon had to sit and wait and count the stars in the sky at night and play at being the princess- waiting (hoping) that he would come back.

But he would come back.

He _would._

He _had_ to.

"Heheh~" Jessica laughed- a rather eerie sound, just like the witch from the rumors. "Who is it? Who is it? Who's the lucky guy?"

_"I'll come back for you."_

_"Y-you promise?"_

_And then Battler smiled. He was only a child- not even a teenager yet- and still had that unruly hair that wouldn't lie flat no matter how much you brushed it, and one of his knees was scraped from some argument with Jessica earlier, his pants stained with dirt; but, at that moment he looked like the most mature person Shannon had ever seen._

_Her heart skipped a beat._

_"I'll definitely come back." Battler's smile widened- and Shannon felt her face flush as he pressed a hand against her head; rubbing her hair, as though she were a cat. "So don't worry."_

_"B-battler...?"_

_"It's a promise."_

But that wasn't right, was it?

Servants weren't supposed to fall in love with the people they waited upon; it was wrong- and if being tentative, sort-of-kind-of 'friends' with Jessica when Natsuhi wasn't looking was bad, then dreaming helplessly about Ushiromiya Battler every night was even_ worse._

Shannon had no right.

She was a lowly servant.

Simply imagining herself with Battler- dreaming of a future where they could be together- was disrespectful towards the Ushiromiya family. They had been kind to her- even Miss Natsuhi, in her own harsh way- providing a place for her to work and live, and clothes to wear and food to eat. She was an orphan, and they had taken her in.

And that was how she repaid them.

By selfishly falling in love- against all warning and reason- with Battler.

It would never work.

It shouldn't have worked.

Servants couldn't be with their masters; the class divide was much too big, and Shannon would only drag Battler down- as pond weed could snare around swimmers and pull their heads under the water.

Shannon would drown Battler.

She'd... ruin him...

_But he promised._

Sometimes, when Shannon's belief in Battler faltered, she dredged this memory up from the marshes in her mind and held it close to her heart; let her eyes flutter shut, knotted her fingers together in silent prayer, and forced herself to keep hoping.

Even though she knew it was wrong.

She shouldn't have hoped at all.

It was selfish.

But she couldn't help herself.

She couldn't stop loving Battler little more than the tide could stop turning or the wind stop blowing.

"Hey, Shannon!~" Jessica cried- and Shannon started guiltily (her mind was all over the place that morning; it wouldn't settle, like a pool of water filled with ripples that kept on expanding outwards and the slightest touch; and Jessica's talk of 'love' had completely unsettled her).

"I-I'm sorry," Shannon apologized, bowing her head. "I-I know I should be more attentive..."

"Yeah, you should."

And then Jessica tilted her head to one side and smiled. Somehow, Jessica's smile reminded Shannon, just a little, of that time one year ago (was it only a year? It felt much, much longer) when Battler had patted her head and promised her a fairytale happily ever after so determinedly. Jessica's eyes, like Battler's, were shining blue; and her smile radiated warmth.

Shannon felt her heartbeat skip a beat.

Had she been so focused on Battler... that she'd forgotten about all the other people around her?

Shannon fallen in love- selfishly, _so selfish-_ and that was a wonderful thing (a terrible thing); they were too different, it wouldn't work (but he'd _promised_), and whenever she thought of Battler it made her skin tingle and her face flush, as she nursed her secret love inside her heart as though she were tending to a baby bird.

But had Shannon been so enraptured with her love- with Battler- that her eyes failed to see the beauty in everything else?

When was the last time she'd looked at the sea... and seen how blue it was?

The sea... It reminded her of Battler.

It made her think of his eyes.

But if Shannon stopped appreciating things for what they really were- if she let her whole life be tainted by this wonderful, terrible, secret love she held, so small and soft and fragile inside her heart- then... that really _would_ be a tragedy.

Battler wasn't the only person in Shannon's universe.

There was Jessica, too.

And if Shannon had forgotten what amazing qualities Jessica possessed (no, not _just_ Jessica; if she'd forgotten just how amazing the whole world around her, at her fingertips, was; the sea and sky and the air she breathed, the spray of the sea) then that... might have been the most selfish thing Shannon had ever done.

And the most tragic.

_You opened your ey__es to the possibility of 'love'- but closed your mind to everything else._

_You shut it all out._

_Lost in a daydream._

_And it took you too long to realise it._

_That's... unforgivable, isn't it?_

Shannon bit her lower lip in agitation, her eyes trembling with emotion-

And then, feeling very overwhelmed by the suddenness of her feelings, Shannon bowed her head; a polite gesture, but it was performed more out of necessity than anything. The weight of her emotions was too heavy; it pushed her down (crushed her).

"I-I'm sorry... I'm sorry!"

Jessica blinked at Shannon in confusion.

Then, she smiled.

And laughed.

"Don't worry. You're a girl in love! People act really weird when they're in love, right? I forgive you. Just don't ignore me again. Hahaha!~"

Shannon flushed.

It was... okay?

Was it?

Could she really continue to live her life like that; not even realizing the sea was blue, and being far too enraptured in childish fairytales with happy endings to see the reality that surrounded her?

...No.

That wasn't alright.

And it never would be.

Shannon's 'world' had been comprised of herself and Battler- built on a single promise, a small smile, and the feeling of his fingers threading through her hair- for too long.

The universe had to expand.

Shannon couldn't stay the same, not changing; ignorant of the misery other people could suffer, as she drowned under the weight of her own love.

Because love was wonderful- but it was also destructive.

And just a little frightening.

Shannon had to open her eyes.

Wake up from her dream.

And see the universe for what it really was.

It might have taken two people to create a world- but it took more (many, _many _more) to sustain it.

"You don't have to tell me who the guy is," said Jessica, relenting a little; though her smile, bright as a field of sunflowers, remained. "I know how fragile a girl's heart is! And you look like the delicate type; like the sort of girl guys would just want to protect! But it's not like that with me... It's never been like that... With me... Huh."

Shannon watched Jessica with curiosity, as her cheerful nature slowly became something more jaded; more melancholic.

When Jessica was lost in thought, her eyes dull and her lips pursed, she looked an awful lot like Natsuhi; poor, over-worked Natsuhi whom Shannon couldn't help sympathizing with even though she shouldn't have done.

It was a wonder Natsuhi didn't snap in two, being so put-upon; abused and taunted because she didn't have the 'right' to wear the one-winged eagle.

And, all of a sudden, Jessica looked a lot like that.

Had Jessica worn that expression before?

How many times before?

Or was this what Jessica _always_ looked like underneath her bright smile?

Had she always been that miserable?

That lonely?

Was that... just another thing Shannon had failed to see?

They had been friends once, hadn't they?

Best friends.

Why did that change?

_It was because __you fell in love._

As Shannon grew up, from a clumsy sapling to a crooked flower- bent at the stem, leaves withered, and not that pretty really; still useless and awkward and always doing things wrong- she had begun to spend more and more time with Battler. She drifted apart from Jessica.

She fell in love.

Her eyes were opened.

And, at the same time, she became completely blind.

Shannon had abandoned Jessica.

Abandoned her for the memory of a promise and Battler's wide smile; and Shannon didn't know when, exactly, she moved away from Jessica, but it had been happening for some time- slowly, very slowly...

Until Battler made that promise.

And all the other people in Shannon's universe disappeared.

She'd really been... very selfish.

A horrible person.

But she was going to change that.

She had to.

* * *

><p><strong>an: **The flow of this chapter feels /weird/ ._. Idk, I don't really like how it's written. It feels too far removed from the style of the first chapter, um... somehow...  
>-ponder-<p>

I found it difficult trying to portray the emotions I wanted to here XD; I hope it's still understandable.

This fic is more of a character study/forming of a relationship fic than a real plot-driven fic, so please don't expect anything too amazing- like explosions or anything XD''

**~renahhchen xoxo**


	3. There was that time you confided in me

**Melancholic****  
><strong>Chapter Three

'1981: Then there was that time you confided in me'

* * *

><p>It was strange, mused Shannon, that she had become 'friends' with Jessica at all. Social class not withstanding (that was a gulf not even Jessica's light-hearted jokes could fully breach), their personalities were so different; complete opposites, almost.<p>

Shannon was silent and shy; almost 'fragile' (as Jessica had once said), and when she spoke her voice was barely louder than the wind on a calm day.

Jessica was loud; she wore her heart on her sleeve, and seemed completely unafraid of displaying her true feelings.

Shannon admired Jessica for that. Jessica had so many wonderful qualities that Shannon didn't posses (couldn't posses- because Shannon was only a servant, and nobody wanted an outspoken servant who said what was on her mind)- and maybe, Shannon thought (with just a stab of guilt) she was just a little bit envious of Jessica for that.

Jessica was amazing.

Almost over-powering.

Every time Jessica entered the room, Shannon felt sure Jessica's warmth was drawing the heat out of her own body; making her seem cold, boring, lifeless, in comparison.

Shannon... really wasn't anything special.

But Jessica was so bright.

Just like a star.

A star had been trapped inside a jar- the cage of Rokkenjima, surrounded by water- and couldn't sparkle properly because Natsuhi wouldn't allow it; she didn't want Jessica to be the noisy, messy, undignified teenager that she was.

Natsuhi wanted Jessica to be a 'lady'.

And yet, despite her mother's reproachful words and expectations, Jessica's shine didn't diminish. If anything, it grew bigger and brighter, like a flame- and whilst Jessica tried to alter her outward appearance for her mother's sake (for the sake of the 'Ushiromiya family's honor'- although Jessica had said, at one point, "I don't really care about that! I just want to live my life!"), her second personality- her real personality- continued to shine through the cracks of her façade like sunlight through bars of a prison.

Jessica would continue to sparkle no matter what.

She was already so dazzling Shannon could hardly stand to look at her- because Jessica had almost everything Shannon wanted; Jessica was almost everything Shannon wanted to be.

Determined.

Assertive.

And unfailingly cheerful.

How could Shannon be Jessica's friend when she felt sure that Jessica's bright personality would destroy her?

Jessica might have been a star- but trying to touch a star would've resulted in bad burns and charred flesh; and Shannon didn't want to get hurt.

But Shannon... had never even noticed how bright Jessica was before she'd decided- ever so reluctantly, fearful of the consequences- that she would truly devote her heart into being her 'friend'.

Shannon had never realised.

And she'd been blind.

Lost in her own selfish world- a universe comprised of herself and Battler- Shannon had shut everybody else out.

Jessica was a light that pierced through her naïve, childish dreams and then sent them scattering.

And Shannon- whilst she was afraid of being hurt (of being washed out; because how could any man love Shannon when Jessica was so wonderful?)- didn't want to shut her eyes to the rest of the world again.

She wanted to embrace it with open arms.

And, if she got hurt a little, that was fine; that didn't matter.

It didn't.

Once upon a time, Shannon had been terrified of being hurt.

Maybe that was why she'd never had any friends.

Maybe that was why she seemed to repel people; because they sensed her fear, and they didn't want anything to do with her.

And maybe that was why Shannon clung on so steadfastly to dreams and memories and fairytales; because they couldn't hurt her.

But getting hurt was a part of life. You couldn't hide yourself away in some delusion of a perfect fairytale romance with a perfect happily ever after and hope pain and misery and sorrow would pass you by.

So Shannon would be Jessica's friend...

She would try her best.

And maybe- just maybe- someday (when? Not now- surely not now, because she was still small and weak and she'd been blind for so long), some of Jessica's sparkle would rub off on Shannon.

One day, Shannon was going to grow up.

She was going to become a better person; a girl worthy of somebody like Battler (because he was bright, too; a shining sunspot in Shannon's dreary grey world of household chores and sweeping floors, and he was an awful lot like Jessica, with the same eyes and the same smile and the same overpowering personality).

Shannon was going to turn from a twisted sapling into a beautiful flower.

And then she was going to shine.

* * *

><p>"Argh! It's not fair!"<p>

"What's not fair?" Shannon asked, voice cordial- a direct contrast to Jessica's angry, upset tones.

Jessica was lying face-down on her bed (the covers were perpetually rumpled, despite Shannon's best efforts to keep them crease-free), flailing her arms like pin-wheels in her distress.

"_Life _isn't fair!"

"A-ah-" Shannon reached towards Jessica with nervous, shaking fingers. "Please calm down, or you'll-"

But Shannon's words were cut off by a series of loud, painful-sounding coughs that wrenched themselves from Jessica's throat; gaining in volume as she couldn't stop- then trailing off into a helpless, desperate wheezing that sounded as though Jessica's lungs had being bound up with string.

Shannon moved quickly- this wasn't the first time she'd seen Jessica suffer from an asthma attack (though Shannon's mind still clouded with worry and her over-active imagination spewed nightmare scenarios at her; it sounded painful, it sounded really painful...)- and took Jessica's inhaler from the drawer in her bedside table.

Jessica took it with it trembling fingers- her whole body was trembling, as more raw, dry wheezes forced their way from her lips, interspaced with horrible hacking coughs.

Jessica didn't thank Shannon; but Shannon doubted she could, and neither would she have forced Jessica to. It wasn't like small, shy Shannon could force anybody to do _anything_; the idea was almost laughable. And the relieved look in Jessica's eyes, as she pressed the inhaler against her lips and tried to take in deep, shaky gulps of air, was a 'thank you' enough.

It took only a few seconds for Jessica's wheezing to subside- but, for whatever reason, it seemed to feel a lot longer to Shannon.

"Urgh..." Jessica gave a small, shaky noise of complaint, as she handed her inhaler back to Shannon. Her voice was strained- tied with the same string her lungs had been impeded by- but she didn't sound like she was breathing through a straw anymore. She didn't sound like she was dying. "T-this really sucks... I-I hate it!"

Then, with a small sigh, Jessica threw herself backwards onto her bed again.

Jessica's eyes were cloudy and her lips were pouting. She glared up at the ceiling as though it had done her some great injustice; as though it were the ceiling's fault 'life wasn't fair', and she was trying to make it pay penance by giving it the most horrifying grimace she could manage.

Shannon couldn't help but smile at this, ever so slightly.

It was... such a 'cute' gesture.

How many times had Jessica glared at the ceiling (or the walls, or the floor) of her bedroom when she felt depressed, unable to share her feelings with another human being?

Shannon wondered if she count the occasions off on one hand- or whether Jessica's loneliness spanned far, far more days than a mere five.

But it was different now.

Jessica could talk to _her._

Shannon... could listen, and try to be a good friend.

And, even if Shannon wasn't a good friend, she'd still be better than the ceiling. If inanimate objects were her only competition when it came to comforting Jessica, then Shannon felt sure she already had this 'contest' won; and she couldn't help but smile at how ridiculous that sounded (her mind came to the strangest of conclusions. She was such a daydreamer...)

"You shouldn't over-excite yourself," said Shannon gently, taking a seat beside the sprawled form of Jessica. "You'll hurt yourself."

Jessica's face contorted into a small scowl.

"I know, I know. Blehh." Jessica stuck out her tongue, and rolled over onto her side; turning away from Shannon's comforting eyes and worried expression. "You sound like my mother."

Shannon winced slightly at this. She didn't want to upset Jessica further.

But sometimes, maybe you _had_ to upset people, so you could get to the root of the problem and dig it out- even if it hurt on the way.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to sound too straightforward, or... condescending..." said Shannon. "I'm merely worried about you."

Shannon's hesitant apology was met, at first, with silence.

Jessica's eventual reply was so soft (such a contrast to her usual nature) that Shannon almost missed it.

"I-it's... it's okay..."

Then, Jessica sighed.

She sounded... dejected.

What happened to the bright, shining Jessica- the Jessica that over-powered everybody with her cheerful smiles and inelegant nature?

"It's just..." Jessica pulled herself into a sitting position slowly. Her arms wrapped round her knees in some kind of embrace, bringing them under her chin. Her eyes stared straight forward; dead and unblinking, like glassy marbles with a strand of dark blue color running through the middle. "Sometimes, I kind of hate having asthma... Y'know. I always try to be a strong person… b-but it's so annoying. Like a reminder. 'You should be sitting inside learning how to tip your soup bowl away from you, not running around having fun. You should be trying to be a lady.' It's as if mom's scolding me all over again."

Jessica pouted.

"I-it makes me feel so weak."

"Y-you're not weak!" Shannon protested, her voice filled with an indignation that seemed almost out of place. Shannon had responded to Jessica's words as though she were being personally insulted; but it wasn't like that.

It wasn't like that all.

So why, then, did Shannon become so upset on Jessica's behalf?

Why...?

Was that just another confusing thing friends did?

Jessica gave Shannon a small smile- a dry, humorless smile that didn't suit her.

"I try not to be weak. I really do. But sometimes, it's difficult. I love mom- I love her with all my heart- but she can be so... pushy sometimes." Jessica looked down at her feet, thick lashes seeming to cast shadows over her face. "She wants me to become a 'lady'; a real 'Ushiromiya'. But I don't get it. I _am _a 'real Ushiromiya'. I'm Ushiromiya Jessica. But I'm... I'm still just me. Why can't I be just 'me'?" Jessica began to rock back and forwards slightly, her eyes fixed on some invisible point at the floor Shannon couldn't see- and for a few moments Shannon became worried Jessica would work herself up into another coughing fit, but her voice remained calm, her words carefully measured. "I... Sometimes I feel like I'm not good enough. That I was born into the wrong family, or something. And I'm all wrong..."

"J-jessica..."

Shannon stammered on Jessica's name- it was three months after Jessica requested (more like _ordered_) Shannon call her 'Jessica', and even so it still sounded strange to Shannon- but her voice was filled with determination.

"Y-you shouldn't say you're 'all wrong'," said Shannon. Her voice was soft to begin with- but, slowly, like rain water splattering against the sidewalk (making a puddle), it grew bigger and bigger; and more confident, with it. "Because it's not true. You have so many wonderful qualities..."

"But I'll never be a 'lady' like mom wants. I don't care about what fork I use to my fish at the dinner table, or what cheeses make up a standard cheese platter, or any of that stupid stuff," Jessica muttered into her arms. "I'll never... be good enough. I-I don't think... At least, I'm not like George. Not at all."

Shannon felt herself flush, ever so slightly, at the memory of George's goodbye to her on the harbor.

He really had become such a gentleman.

George was almost as bright as Jessica; though in a different way.

Each member of the Ushiromiya family shone like stars- especially to a maid like Shannon, who could only look up at them with an awed expression, because she would never reach those dizzying heights.

They were all so far above her- and Shannon was sure, no matter how hard she tried to stretch, not even her fingertips would brush them.

(But he promised, didn't he? He promised he'd come back- and Shannon had been staring up at the sky for a long time, wishing on falling stars, but maybe, if she kept trying, she could take hold of one of those stars and keep it all for herself...

A selfish desire, but she couldn't help it.)

"George has a great many amazing qualities about him too," said Shannon. "But you're not George. You shouldn't strive to be somebody you're not. It's so easy to see the goodness in other people... And yet so difficult to find it in yourself."

Jessica turned to look at Shannon, pouting slightly.

Then, the barest hint of a smile- slightly crooked, improperly formed, imperfect, but still a smile- tugged at Jessica's lips.

"Haha... W-what is this? Are you trying to give me a pep talk?"

Shannon flushed.

Had she... overstepped the line, somehow?

"U-um, well, I-I just-"

"Hey, don't worry. I'm not angry," said Jessica, grinning. "It's just... surprising."

"Surprising?"

"Yep. Hearing a 'you should love yourself' lecture from Miss 'Oh-No-I'm-Not-That-Amazing-I'm-Just-a-Lowly-Servant-Even-Though-I'm-the-Prettiest-Girl-Ever' Shannon is so weird! Gyahaha! You're _**such**_ a hypocrite!"

Shannon's eyes widened.

"A-am I really...?"

"Yep. A total hypocrite. The worst kind of person."

"T-that's mean!"

"Ooops. Sorry," Jessica replied, voice off-hand, in a tone that suggested she wasn't sorry at all.

Jessica uncurled her arms from round her legs slowly, letting them fall- with a 'thwump'- against the duvet.

"Why don't we just say this," said Jessica. "I'll agree to go along with your 'love yourself' spiel if _**you'll **_stop calling yourself a 'lowly servant'."

Shannon shifted uncomfortably at this. She suddenly felt… very uncomfortable.

She could hardly even look Jessica in the eye.

It was Shannon's _**duty**_ as a servant to hold the comfort of others' above her own. She herself didn't matter; she was no more important than furniture.

Her feelings didn't matter.

_She_ didn't matter.

And she couldn't change her views just because Jessica wanted her to.

Not even if Jessica ordered her to.

Because being a 'lowly servant' was part of who Shannon _was; _it was the foundation her entire existence was based on.

Without it, there was a nothing.

Nothing but uncertainty.

And uncertainty really was terrifying.

"This isn't about me..." Shannon muttered.

"Maybe not. But I'm not taking any advice from a hypocrite."

"I-I can't..."

"Then I can't either," was Jessica's flippant reply. "I'm sorry. Maybe, when you've changed _your_ view of the world, you should try and combat mine. I'll be waiting~ Ihihi~"

A brief silence passed between the pair; Shannon looking at her lap, Jessica looking at Shannon with a small smile.

The silence was thick.

Heavy.

And Shannon hated it.

"W-what were you complaining about earlier?" Shannon asked suddenly- the words leaving her mouth before her brain had fully processed them.

"Oh. That." Jessica shrugged. "It's not important. Forget it."

"It _sounded _important," Shannon insisted; perhaps speaking a little too stubbornly than she had a right to.

"It's not such a big deal... I'm over it, it's over!"

"Already? I know you can recover pretty quickly, but still…"

Jessica gave a small laugh. "Maybe you're right. But I'll be fine. I'm a strong person. Or, at least… I try to be. Ahaha~"

"I already know that," said Shannon. "But even the strongest people need to share their feelings with others."

"Hmn. I guess you're right again. Gahh. Why're you always right? Stop that."

"I-I'm sorry!"

"Ha. Heheh…" Jessica laughed softly, her fingers going to her ponytail- winding golden strands of hair about her fingers. "I'd tell you- but it's sort of stupid."

"I don't mind. A trouble shared is a trouble halved...?"

"You really are full of these weird sayings, you know. You sound like an old woman!"

"I-I think I picked them up from Kumasawa..." said Shannon, smiling slightly, as she distractedly tugged at the hem of her skirt. Shannon… didn't really like the maid's uniforms; they seemed so unsuitable, and the slit at the side made her feel horribly exposed. "I-is that strange?"

"No!~ Of course not. You could be as 'strange' as you wanted to with a face like that, Shannon, and nobody would care. They'd think it was cute. The boys'd be all… I dunno… They'd call you 'quirky' or something."

"But what about you...?"

"Me?" Jessica bit her lower lip. "They all think I'm strange anyway."

Shannon frowned at this admission. It seemed so sad- tragic, somehow- had people could judge Jessica without realising how brightly she shimmered. Shannon had been blind to that too, once upon a time; but she was learning now.

She wouldn't be blind again.

"Don't worry! It doesn't matter!~"

In a flurry of movement- of bouncing blonde ponytail, shifting skirts (Jessica always seemed like such a tomboy, but skirts made up a vast part of her wardrobe. Was that Natsuhi's influence?) and wide smiles, Jessica pushed herself up onto her knees, swivelling to face Shannon.

"If you _still _wanna know why I was so upset... Ahaha." Jessica scratched her nose absent-mindedly, looking a little embarrassed, despite her grin. "I-it was something about the cultural festival at school."

Shannon didn't prompt Jessica verbally; she didn't have to. After a brief silence, Jessica continued to talk again- speaking quickly (a little too quickly), spitting the words out as though they were bullets.

"My class is kind of doing a maid café, right? I mean, I bet it's because we have a bunch of girls in my class, and the boys just want to see them dress up in skimpy outfits... The perverts." Jessica gave an easy laugh that suggested she didn't really mind- but her fingers had begun to coil in her ponytail, tugging at it slightly. "And we were trying to decide who'd make the food and who was gonna, y'know, be the maids- and I can't cook, at all, I'm the type that blows saucepans up if I try, so I thought I should try and be a maid… A-and I might not be really girly but I'm still a _girl_, y'know? A lot of people don't even seem to realise that- or notice- but I am… A-and sometimes, even I think it'd be fun to… dress up and look pretty, maybe. Just for a day. I-I was sort of looking forward to it… It sounded really fun; well, not really, but… y'know... A-at least, I think... I'm probably the only idiot who gets excited by stuff like that. Everybody else said it sounded like a pain, even if I did try to lift their spirits. Ahahaha~"

Shannon nodded; but she could already see what direction this story was about to take.

It was obvious, by the troubled look plagued Jessica's face- taking her cheerful smile and twisting it into some insincere.

"It was all planned out," said Jessica. Her fingertips tightened around her ponytail. "But then Shiho tried to call me just now, asking about measurements for my outfit- 'cause she's, like, awesome at sewing and stuff and I can't do things like that; I tried to help Maria fix up her bag one time when the handle fell off, an' she didn't want Aunt Rosa to know 'cause she's… um… She's…" Jessica paused, frowning. By trying to avoid a difficult subject matter, she'd (quite unwittingly) managed to stumble head-first into another one; just like a child trying to dodge a patch of nettles and, instead, tumbling into a rose bush.

Shannon knew.

She knew just how 'varied' Rosa's moods could be- and so did everybody; although they tried to ignore it. Rosa's problems belonged to nobody but her, and it wasn't a servants job to question her parenting skills.

Jessica's fingers began to tug at her ponytail with more force, though she didn't seem to realise.

"A-anyway, Shiho called, only mom got to the first instead and- and…"

Jessica gave a small 'eep' of surprise- a sudden contrast to her usual devil-may-care attitude- as her fingers sharply tugged a handful of curly blonde hairs out of her ponytail.

It looked painful.

It _sounded_ painful.

Shannon wasn't sure what comfort she could offer, other than small- almost tentative (because cleaning floors and making beds might have been difficult, but dealing with living, breathing people was even more so; they had too many emotions, it was too easy to upset them) "J-jessica...?"

It seemed to help though; because Jessica offered Shannon a small smile, and a quick apology.

"Well, you can probably guess what happened. Shiho started babbling on about bust measurements and lacy trim or something, like an **idiot**, and mom… eheh… she kinda-sorta flipped out. Just a little. I guess I should've seen it coming. Mom was _totally _against the idea- something about it being 'unreasonable' for a member of the Ushiromiya family to be a common _maid_- oops..." Jessica gave a nervous laugh, as Shannon's shoulders stiffened at that comment. "I didn't mean you, okay? I don't honestly believe half the stuff mom says."

"I-it's okay..."

"I don't think mom believes the stuff that comes out of her mouth either," said Jessica, her fingers going to her ponytail again; curling the blonde hairs round her fingertip (though she used considerably less force this time, having learnt from her previous mistake). "It's just... I dunno. She's not a bad person. I love her. But she gets so stressed about certain things- small things- and I wish I could help, but... I don't really know what to do. I think she brings most of her misery on herself, y'know? If you think about things too much… then it'll destroy you… Maybe…"

Jessica sighed, swinging her legs against the side of her bed as her fingers continued to play, distractedly, with her hair. Maybe it was the way the light from the open window fell across her face, or the small frown tugging at her lips, or the fathomless depths of her blue, blue eyes- but, somehow, in that moment (in that brief snapshot of time) Ushiromiya Jessica looked incredibly mature.

Far older than her fourteen years would suggest.

Simply having the surname 'Ushiromiya' seemed to sour people; even carefree, light-hearted girls like Jessica- not quite a child, but not yet an adult. She should have been enjoying her youth- but it seemed almost impossible. The Ushiromiyas were a family obsessed with money, with power, with status; and whilst Jessica had avoided inheriting her mother's ideals, as she had inherited her hair, those ideals had still been forced upon her at birth.

And yet, despite all that, Jessica continued to shine.

Jessica... could still smile.

"I feel even sorrier for Shiho, though," said Jessica, that mischievous grin beginning to tug at her lips again. "Mom got so angry with her- 'the mere suggestion my daughter would stoop to such a level...! An Ushiromiya will NEVER be a common maid! How dare you?'"

Even though Shannon knew it wasn't the real Natsuhi speaking, she still flinched slightly. Jessica's impersonation of her mother was almost exactly spot-on; even her face contorted into a look suggesting a headache.

"Ahaha!" Jessica began to laugh again, that sour expression sliding from her face in a matter of seconds. "I bet mom terrified her. I'll have to apologise tomorrow."

Shannon frowned at this slightly.

Even though Jessica was trying to joke about it- most likely trying to cheer _herself _up- it was obvious she was upset. It didn't seem fair that Jessica's school life should've been dominated so completely by her mother's whims; even if Natsuhi did, in her own twisted way, have Jessica's best interests at heart.

It wasn't fair...

"So you're not going to be a maid?" Shannon asked, voice soft.

She already knew what the answer would be.

"Nope!" But- despite Jessica's concealed disappointment, she managed to make her refusal sound cheerful.

"But doesn't that upset you...?"

"A little. But... Whatever!" Jessica spoke her 'catchphrase' (she used that word a lot) with enthusiasm, throwing her hands into the air- nearly smacking Shannon across the face.

"I don't want to upset mom anymore- not over something so trivial. Besides..." Jessica smiled. "There's always next year."

"Next year?"

"Yep. I could totally be a maid, y'know; what with my sexy figure an' all. Heheh~ I'll just have to make sure Shiho doesn't do anything stupid again. What mom doesn't know won't her."

Giggling, Jessica pressed a finger against her lips, and winked.

"Don't tell anyone, kay? I'm entrusting you with an uber-big secret here, right?"

Shannon returned Jessica's smile, giggling; she'd never kept a secret with a friend before (save for her promise with Battler, of course- but that was a completely different matter.

This was light-hearted.

Cheerful.

_Fun_.)

"I won't tell, I swear," said Shannon.

She didn't really have anybody _to _tell in the first place- but that was beside the point.

"Hehe~ No, I don't think you will. You're a good friend."

Shannon's face flushed slightly at this comment.

Then, she blinked her blue eyes in confusion, as Jessica proffered Shannon her little finger; moving with such exuberance she nearly poked Shannon in the eye (Jessica really needed to get her limbs under control, or there'd be an accident one day).

Shannon looked at Jessica quizzically, tilting her head to one side. The gesture made her look a little bit like a bluebird, pecking at seeds from the ground.

"W-what...?"

"Huh?" Jessica rolled her eyes. "Don't you know what a pinky promise is?"

Shannon's flustered face grew redder. She felt quite lost; she'd never heard of that phrase before. She hadn't really had any girls of her own age to talk to- so she didn't know much about gestures of friendship.

"U-um... I don't, I-I'm sorry," Shannon said. For whatever reason, admitting her lack of knowledge about the subject- small though it was- made Shannon feel incredibly embarrassed, as though she'd just confided in Jessica she had leprosy, or else some other terrible, dehabilitating disease.

Well...

Maybe that wasn't too far off the mark.

Perhaps Shannon did have a disease after all- some kind of social stigma or reclusion syndrome. She may was well have admitted 'no, I've never had a friend before.'

Shannon was sure Jessica would tease her.

But she was wrong.

Instead, Jessica smiled.

"It's okay!" said the blond, laughing. "It's pretty dumb anyway; like, kid's stuff. The last time I did this was somethin' like ten years ago, when I made Bahh~ttler promise not to eat the strawberry off the cake because it was _mine,_ and he promised, but he TOTALLY ate it anyway! That stupid smug bastard. He got what he deserved, though..."

"E-eh?" Shannon's eyes widened. "D-do I want to know...?"

"Let's just say Battler has _never _been able to look at strawberry cheesecake in the same way since. Ahahaha..."

That was a rather terrifying laugh; it was enough to make the flesh crawl, as though Shannon's skin were infested with beetles.

"Aww, don't worry," Jessica giggled, prodding Shannon in the forehead with her proffered pinky finger. "I would never do anything like that to you. You're a nice person. Just humor me and my childish whims for a few seconds, kay?"

"O-okay..."

Trembling, Shannon raised her own little finger to meet Jessica's; and Jessica linked them together, shaking their hands.

Both the girls were smiling when they drew away- and even Jessica was flushing slightly.

"Just don't tell anybody about my unexpectedly 'cute' side," said Jessica, narrowing her eyes. "Or I'll kick you ass."

"I-I would never dream of it!"

It was their secret.

A secret between friends.

It… made Shannon feel strangely warm.

It took her a few seconds to realise she was _happy._

Whilst it was a small secret- hardly even important enough to count as one- it made Shannon smile a clumsy, silly smile she couldn't quite hide.

"S-so, if you're not going to be a maid," said Shannon, her fingers beginning to pick at the hem of her skirt, "t-then what _are_ you going to do?"

Jessica wrinkled up her nose. Shannon noticed, as a small band of sunlight flickered across Jessica's face, that her nose was dotted with very soft, barely-visible freckles.

"I'unno," shrugged the blonde. "Didn't think about it. I'll probably have to work in the kitchen- try and bake something for the café. Geez..." she laughed. "That'll be something to behold. Me, trying to cook. I can see the headlines now: Salmonella Outbreak Spreads Across Japan… What a disaster."

"Can't you cook?"

"That depends. Does making toast count as 'cooking'?" asked Jessica, giggling.

"I hate to be cruel, but no- no, it doesn't."

"Awww. Meanie." Jessica stuck out her lower lip, pouting. "You just wanna take away my brief feeling of accomplishment, huh?"

"Of course. I'm a cruel, heartless person. Ah ha ha ha." Shannon spoke playfully, smiling.

Jessica scowled, making a great show of being irritated; and then, before Shannon could duck her head, Jessica had prodded a finger in her direction.

"I knew it!" Jessica declared. "In mystery novels, it's _**always **_the maid that does it!"

"I think you'll find the correct cliché is 'the butler did it.'"

"Whatever," Jessica rolled her eyes- and if she kept doing that her eyeballs would probably fall straight out her sockets. "If any creepy murders happen on Rokkenjima, I'm _totally _going to blame it on you."

"You do that," said Shannon, smiling. "But I'm a touch too busy to plot any serial murders at the moment, I'm afraid."

"Ohh?" Jessica asked, blinking up Shannon- who, at some point, had stood up. "Why? What're you doing?~"

"I," Shannon declared, her face blazing with determination, "am going to teach you about the secrets of leavening!"

Jessica's face screwed up in confusion, her brows raising, her mouth falling open in a small 'o'. The resultant look of complete and utter bamboozlement was topped off, however, with a small "huhhh?" that came from Jessica's mouth; and Shannon could help but laugh at how ridiculous (and yet, at the same time, strangely adorable) Jessica looked in her state of over-exaggerated confusion.

It was probably 'wrong' of a servant to laugh at her master- but Shannon really couldn't help it.

"Don't look so worried," said Shannon, trying to stifle her giggles- and doing a rather poor job of it, too.

"I have every right to look worried!" Jessica declared, placing her hands on her hips. "What's 'leavening'? It sounds painful- like some sort of _infection_. And what does that have to do with my cultural festival? I don't want any of your weird 'leavening' ruining my day!"

"It's simple," Shannon said. She beamed. "You need to contribute to your café in some way, right, even if you can't be a maid?"

"Yeah sooo...?"

"I'm going to teach you how to bake a cake. To the best of my abilities!"

"Ehhh?"

Shannon smiled.

"It's okay. You can thank me for being so wonderful later."

* * *

><p><strong>an: **I like how my plan for each chapter is like 20 words long, and somehow I manage to twist the simplest of concepts into very extensive chapters that last decades XD  
>Hnnghh so much emoshunal stuff to get thru though XD<br>Something other than Shannon and Jessica having conversations will occur in chapter four though, so… look forward to it? :3

These two really are unbearably kyooot XD

**~renahhchen xoxo**


	4. There was that sunset last Sunday

**Melancholic****  
><strong>Chapter Four

'1981: Then there was that sunset last Sunday'

* * *

><p>"Koi koi!"<p>

"Stop trying to call koi koi when you haven't made a set!"

"Huh? I thought I did..."

Jessica scratched her nose idly. The good summer weather was nearly at an end. Now, it was late October, and it was almost impossible (even with the aid of the dying sunlight that filtered through Jessica's bedroom window) to see that light smattering of freckles that peppered the blonde's nose.

Shannon sighed softly, in equal parts exasperation and amusement, as she tried to explain the rules of Hanafuda Koi Koi to Jessica again- but, this time, very, _very _slowly.

Shannon herself had played the game several times before with Kumasawa, and the brunette- much to her surprise- had found herself fairly competent at it; even if the game was largely based on luck (that was probably why… Games that required any logic or careful planning, like chess, were completely lost on Shannon).

Jessica had never played Koi Koi before, though- and Shannon had thought maybe, just _maybe,_ it would be nice having somebody to compete against other than Kumasawa, who nearly always won. It had reached the point where Shannon was half-convinced Kumasawa merely let her win.

And it was 'nice'- to use a horribly inadequate word- to be able to play such a game with Jessica.

With a 'friend'.

Even thought Jessica was terrible at the game and had no idea what she was doing.

Both and Shannon and Jessica were sat on Jessica's bed; Jessica kneeling, Shannon sitting demurely with her legs crossed, hands in her lap. The array of Hanafuda cards were spread out before them, with an almost equal spacing between each one (Shannon's skills as a maid somehow managed to seep into everything she did; she did most things in life with great precision, even though she was a naturally clumsy person). As they played- Jessica picking cards from the pile without the slightest clue what they meant, and trying to form nonsensical sets that didn't exist anywhere in the rule book- Jessica had chattered animatedly to Shannon, talking about school and the cultural festival and how everybody had been oh-so-surprised when she could bake something that wasn't likely to eat through their intestines; and when Jessica had said, smiling, "I guess it's all thanks to you", Shannon had flushed.

It didn't matter if Jessica couldn't play the game; not really.

Simply by being there, sat together, talking and laughing like _friends_- not a servant and their master- was enough.

"This game is confusing," said Jessica, once Shannon had finished her explanation, for what had to be the third time. "It doesn't help that all these damn flower cards look the same..."

"You'll get the hang of it," answered Shannon, voice patient. "It's really not so difficult."

"That's not making me feel any better, you know! That's like going 'oh yeah, this is easy for everyone- apart from you, 'cause you're an idiot!'"

By this point Shannon was too accustomed to Jessica's light-hearted teasing to take her comments to heart. She hardly even blushed anymore- or launched into apologetic spiels- which was something to be happy about, at least.

"So this card here," said Jessica, stabbing a finger at one of the oh-so-neatly placed cards on her bed. "Is that a... cherry blossom?"

"No. It's a plum blossom."

"And what's that?"

"It's a paulownia."

Jessica's face contorted through a very interesting series of emotions at Shannon's matter-of-fact correction- before, with a killer pout, she gave a small 'humph!' and folded her arms.

"I don't even know what a paulownia _is_. This is way unfair. Why do I need to know about flowers anyway?" Jessica grumbled childishly. Her tone of voice perfectly complimented her scowl- and, for a few seconds, Shannon was left with the rather strange urge to pat Jessica on the head, as though she were a cat.

T-that probably wasn't a good thing...

Using the best 'soothing tones' she could manage, Shannon tried to explain the rules to Jessica one more time (the keyword being '_tried_'; Jessica was now staring at the floor with a mutinous expression and Shannon doubted she was listening).

"You don't need to know what each card is _called_. You just need to know which card belongs to which set. These cards are the plain ones, and if you collect these together you can make the dear-boar-butterfly set, and these-"

But Jessica was all-but impervious to Shannon's explanation now. She continued to pout, staring down at the array of colorful flower cards as though they had done her some great injustice.

At first, Shannon wondered if Jessica was contemplating her next move. However, as the seconds dragged slowly by, the clock on Jessica's wall tick-tick-ticking down the end of the day, Shannon realised this wasn't the case.

"J-jessica?" Shannon muttered, reaching forwards with trembling fingers to- well, she didn't really know. Get her attention, probably.

But Jessica was too quick for Shannon.

Moving with a sudden burst of energy (as was fairly common for Jessica. She fell into slumps rather frequently, and snapped out of them just as fast- almost in the blink of an eye, with more agility and passion than before), Jessica took hold of Shannon's hand- her own fingers crushing against Shannon's quite painfully. Jessica lifted her head, her eyes filled with a sudden determination completely removed from Koi Koi; and when she spoke, it was in a torrent, a rush- a heavy downpour of words that nearly soaked through Shannon's skin.

"H-hey! I was um kind of thinking, and I've been thinking it for a while but I didn't know how to ask you 'cause you'd probably be all 'oh no I couldn't possibly I'm a lowly maid blah de blah excuses excuses', but I didn't really know what to say so I'm just going to say it anyway got it okay? Okay. ? I-it's okay if you don't but doyouwannacometothecultural-"

It was at this point Shannon had to interject, her face filled with confusion.

"I'm sorry, but I don't quite understand...?"

It would've helped if Jessica wasn't speaking at five hundred words per minute.

"A-and you're hurting my hands…"

"R-right, well... Ha... Sorry." With a small laugh, Jessica released Shannon's wrists- and then, not seeming to know where to put her restless fingers, she began to run her hands through her hair- a nervous tic of her's, as Shannon had begun to discover. "I was wondering if you wanted to come to the cultural festival with me. That's all. It's... not big deal."

"Um..." Shannon frowned, looking at the floor. The Hanafuda cards stared back at her; colorful paulownias and plum blossoms- their petals seeming to blur together.

Shannon wasn't sure what to say.

Was that like... a day out? With friends?

She'd never done anything like that before.

But she couldn't have any time off; not even at the weekend. A maid's work was never done- and there was always so much to do; sweeping and cleaning and- and yes, maybe her workload wasn't all that hectic anymore (the Ushiromiya family conference had long since passed and so, too, had Natsuhi's short temper and constant headaches), but wouldn't taking a day off for leisure be overstepping the mark?

Wasn't that beyond Shannon's right?

She was more 'furniture' than 'human', after all…

"It's okay if you don't want to," said Jessica quickly- smiling. Hiding her disappointment behind a happy face, as always- and, somehow, that made Shannon wince. It made her feel guilty.

Shannon didn't like it when Jessica was upset.

Smiles suited her face far better than frowns did.

"I understand," Jessica continued- her fingers still running through her hair, skittering about restlessly. She was trying to sound mature; trying to sound like an adult. Trying to swallow her sadness- just as her mother had told her do to. "You have jobs and stuff to do right?"

"Y-yeah." Shannon nodded. "Yeah, there is that..."

But, not really.

Shannon could find the time.

She knew she could.

Wasn't that what friends did?

Shannon had never had a friend she needed to make time _for _before; Shannon's life had been, up until the last few months, filled with work and thoughts of Battler, childish dreams and very little else.

This 'friendship' with Jessica somehow felt more real than any of that; even more 'real' than her promise with Battler had been a year ago (though Shannon was loathe to admit it- and she felt just a little guilty for even allowing the thought to pass through her head. Why was she grading her experiences; putting importance on things and ranking them in lists? Feelings shouldn't have been as cut-and-dry like that; she shouldn't have been stacking them together like building blocks-

But, at that moment, Battler's promise seemed almost a million miles away; like a watercolor illustration in a child's picture book.

This friendship was Jessica was there, right in front of her eyes, and it was solid and real- a real person sat next to her, and real feelings pumping through Shannon's heart, and she didn't want Jessica to be upset she wanted her to smile.

She wanted to be a _good_ friend).

Shannon paused.

Inhaled.

Then, she tipped her head to one side- and smiled.

"I have a busy schedule. But, if you really want me to come along… T-then I will. I wouldn't mind."

"What? Really...?"

Jessica looked so shocked it was almost endearing; as though she'd honestly expected Shannon to refuse, to make up excuses (and maybe that was why Jessica had been acting so distant whilst they were playing cards; because she'd been trying to think of ways to breach the subject and she'd been sure her offer would be shot down).

Shannon couldn't help but giggle.

"Yes, really."

"Wow…" Jessica said. "I-I thought I'd have to whine at you for ages before you agreed…"

"Maybe you would've, to the 'me' of a few months ago," said Shannon. "But not anymore."

"No. Not anymore."

And then a large, cheerful grin spread itself across Jessica's face- lighting up the whole room with far more intensity than the sunlight streaming in through the window could've done.

"My friendship's worn you down! Yay!~" Jessica declared, punching a fist in the air. "I have a friend I can go to the festival with! Ohmygosh- it's going to be really awesome. Well, probably not, 'cause it's a la~ame school event and all, and I didn't even get to be a maid, but me an' some of my other friends are doing something even more amazing and you should totally come and see it 'cause I've been working really hard and... Heh, I can show all the guys in my class I actually know a **real life maid**, only you're my friend and you won't talk to any of them, right? They'll be sooo jealous! Hahaha!~"

Giggling- sounding like the cheerful teenager Jessica should have been, instead of a potential successor to the Ushiromiya family with so much pressure and so many expectations weighing down her body it was a wonder she didn't drown- Jessica reached forwards; and, with little disregard to the cards Shannon had so neatly set up, Jessica pulled Shannon into a quick hug.

Some of the Hanafuda cards were sent flying to the floor, and the rest were shuffled about so completely Shannon's set of 4Brights were mixed about with the low-scoring plain cards- but that didn't really matter.

None of it mattered, apart from that embrace with Jessica; that brief snapshot of time where Shannon allowed herself to be truly happy.

As Jessica continued to talk cheerfully, her face bright- eyes sparkling like distant galaxies- Shannon felt something very soft and warm beginning to sprout inside her heart.

* * *

><p>Jessica's school was bustling with activity, as students- many of them dressed in strange costumes, and almost all with large smiles slapped across their faces- scuttled about like ants. Some were conversing with their friends; others were biting into pieces of takoyaki or crepes; others, still, were advertising the various attractions their classes had to offer- haunted houses and cafés being the most popular options.<p>

In contrast, Shannon was feeling quite out of place- and just a little bit lost. She'd never been to Jessica's school before, and it was almost like a maze to her. Jessica had given Shannon some vague instructions when they'd met each other at the school gates. However, shortly after their cordial 'hellos', one of Jessica's friends (a very tall girl with a body no high school student should have possessed outside 'romanticised' novels and the daydreams of lonely old men) dragged Jessica away, saying something in her low, husky voice about 'practicing.'

And so Jessica had left Shannon to her own devices, with a quick wave and a melodramatic call of "don't worry! We'll see each other again some day!"

Shannon had smiled, just a little, at Jessica's parting statement.

It had been... so completely over-the-top.

And so completely like Jessica.

Even if it _had _made a few people shoot Shannon and Jessica confused looks, whispering amongst themselves about Shannon whilst she was still in earshot.

_"Who's that?"_

_"Is that Jessie's friend?"_

_"I've never seen her before!"_

_"Haha, she's kind of hot. Do you think I could-"_

_"No, I don't, you moron. Remember- you __have a girlfriend.__"_

Shannon had meandered about the school for a while, sampling some of the food- and, thankfully, none of it had been poisonous. Apparently Jessica's classmates could cook far better than Jessica claimed_ she_ could- and looking at some of the classes; but it had felt strangely empty without anybody to share the experience with.

Shannon soon found herself waiting outside Jessica's classroom-turned-maid-café before her hour was up, her arms behind her back, as the cheerful noises from the students washed over her.

Somehow, being in big social gatherings like that...

It was just a little frightening.

Especially when Shannon didn't have anybody with her.

As Shannon watched people pass her by- many of them dressed in the typical uniform of Jessica's school, but some others were attired as maids in overly-lacy skirts that were far too short to be practical, and others seemed to have drawn inspiration from manga characters- she couldn't help but feel a little... envious... of those happily chatting groups.

They looked so bright.

So cheerful.

And Shannon realised, with a start, that was _exactly _how she felt when she was around Jessica.

_Cheerful._

When people had friends- when they were discussing things with somebody who'd listen, even if it was a pointless story that didn't matter much- their faces instantly shone, and they looked so much more beautiful than if they'd been standing by themselves.

Friends...

Having friends was truly an amazing thing.

Shannon knew she was being silly- selfish (always so selfish; but humans were selfish creatures- and even though she'd always been taught she was 'furniture' maybe there was more 'human' in her than she'd ever known)- but she even felt a little bit jealous of that pretty pink-haired girl who'd stolen Jessica away from her.

Jessica was supposed to her friend.

N-not that it mattered... Jessica could have other friends, and Shannon was _happy _Jessica did- Shannon _wanted _Jessica to have a cheerful school life as her home one was so unsatisfactory- but Shannon couldn't quite shake that unreasonable feeling of envy.

She couldn't quite-

"Hey, gorgeous!~ Who're you?"

Shannon's shoulders tensed as a unfamiliar voice (it sounded like a boy. Shannon hadn't spoken to many boys before, Battler aside- and she'd grown up with him, so it hardly even counted) invaded her brief moment of self-reflection and consideration.

Shannon turned around, her heart fluttering with a completely unwarranted panic- as her brown eyes were met with a pair of mischievously sparkling turquoise irsies.

It took Shannon a few moments to realise- despite the obviously masculine voice- that the person talking to her was a 'boy'. His hair was impossibly smooth, shimmering under the lights in the hallway, and he was so pretty- oh so incredibly pretty- that he hardly looked like a real person at all. Instead, he looked more like an illustration from a book of fairytales; not the stereotypical Prince Charming, but maybe a trickster spirit or sprite?

A-and...

Shannon's face flushed.

Had he called her 'gorgeous'?

N-nobody had told Shannon that before...

"You like what you see?" asked Mr. Impossibly Perfect Trickster Sprite (as Shannon's befuddled mind had decided to name him. It wasn't her best nickname, she knew, but his sudden appearance had startled her), winking.

That wink was enough to turn Shannon's face beet red.

"U-um, I... Um..."

How could she respond to a comment like _that?_

Dealing with people in general was difficult for Shannon- but dealing with _boys?_

That was even worse.

The Trickster Sprite-like boy wasn't at all like Battler. Battler had been sweet and kind, and perhaps a little bit naïve, making such lofty promises at such a young age- but this boy was incredibly self-assured, cocky and arrogant; and he _knew_ it. Shannon could tell he knew it, by the way she smirked at her.

"What's a beautiful girl doing standing around by herself?" Trickster Sprite asked, running a hand through his own perfect tresses. "D'you want me to show you round? I could even hold your hand if you like, haha~"

Even his laugh was perfect; like silk, and various other strange similes that normal people's laughter certainly didn't sound like.

Did he practise it in his room every morning?

Was 'silken laughter' something that came hand-in-hand with having 'silken hair'?

Shannon didn't know what to say- what to do. So she floundered, her face flushed red, her fingers tugging at the hem of her skirt just for the sake of having something to do.

"U-um, no... I-I don't-"

"_**HEY!**_ Hatsune, what the hell do you think you're doing?"

Shannon's head snapped up instantly at the sound of Jessica's voice. The blonde-haired girl was marching forwards, pushing through the crowds with eyes of fire. Her hair wasn't tied up in its usual ponytail; instead, her wispy curls were hanging about her face, creating a strange halo effect that framed her narrowed eyes and scowling mouth.

"W-whoa, Jessie!" said ex-Trickster Sprite now 'Hatsune', as he backed away from his latest prey (i.e. the flustered, embarrassed Shannon). "What's got you so fired up?"

"You!" Jessica declared, stabbing a finger in Hatsune's face. "Just... just _you_."

"Ahh? What'd I do?" asked Hatsune, his eyes widening into the perfect puppy dog expression. "Apart from being more attractive than you, of course."

At this comment, Jessica made a strange hissing sound, like a cat whose tail had been stamped on.

"T-that..." Jessica squeezed the words out of gritted together teeth, her shoulders shaking. Then- moving with that suddenness Shannon had learnt to associate with Jessica, like a coiled spring- she moved forwards, stabbing her finger in Hatsune's forehead. Jessica gave him a swift prod every time she wanted to enunciate a word; rapping a rhythm against Hatsune's skull. "That has nothing to do with it! You, like, don't even turn up to practise- Luka was sooo totally pissed at you, by the way- and then when I DO find you, you're trying to flirt around with my best friend, like an ASS. What the hell!"

Hatsune only smirked.

"My, my. Somebody's a little touchy, aren't they?"

"My, my," Jessica repeated, her voice heavy with sarcasm. "Somebody's an arrogant asshole, aren't they?"

Shannon herself trembling at that insult, even though it wasn't aimed at her; and various other people in hallway paused, too, their eyes roving between Mr. Perfect Hair and Ushiromiya Jessica.

Hatsune, however, continued to smirk.

Either he was very brave, or very stupid.

Or maybe he knew Jessica so well her short temper didn't faze him anymore.

"Be careful, _princess. _That's pretty vulgar talk for a 'high and mighty Ushiromiya', isn't it? You better not let your precious mommy hear you talking like that."

…Obviously Hatsune didn't know Jessica _that_ well, though, or he wouldn't have pushed her 'self-destruct' button with such a wide grin on his face.

Shannon wondered if she should run and duck; try to take cover. Wasn't that what people did in natural disasters? Did Jessica's temper- which was flaring up into a fiery conflagration- count as a 'disaster'?

Jessica's left eye twitched.

Everything seemed to occur very quickly after that.

Even though she was standing only a few feet away from the arguing pair, Shannon wasn't _quite_ sure what happened. It was hard to discern what was going on when Jessica was a blur of bouncing golden curls and flying fists.

The crunching sound effects and noises of pain were quite telling, though.

When Jessica finally took hold of Shannon's arm and marched her away, Hatsune didn't look quite so pretty as he had done when Shannon first saw him.

"Y-you bitch! You complete bitch!" Hatsune croaked after Jessica, as she frog-marched Shannon away from his vile presence.

In response, Shannon turned around, pulled at the bottom of her eye with one finger so an expanse was red was displayed, and stuck out her tongue.

"You got what you deserved for being a total tool!" Jessica said, voice so cheerfully sugar-sweet it was almost saccharine enough to induce severe toothache. "You can have fun trying to explain to Luka why you skipped out on practice! I assure you, she'll do WAY worse to you than I did!~"

"F-fuck you!"

"You too!~"

And, as Jessica walked- her head held high, fingertips still wrapped round Shannon's arm- Shannon couldn't stop that stupid, silly smile from tugging at her lips; despite Hatsune's flirtations, which had left her cheeks bright red.

All of a sudden, Shannon didn't feel too jealous of those happily chatting groups anymore.

Not when she was with Jessica.

* * *

><p>"I'm sorry about Mikuo," said Jessica, frowning into her chocolate crepe. "He's kind of sort of an ass."<p>

"N-no, it wasn't... Um..." Shannon stuttered, not sure what to say. "He was okay?"

"Tch." Jessica clicked her tongue against the roof of her mouth. "You don't need to defend him just 'cause he's sort of vaguely-ish my friend- and I have NO idea how that happened, let me assure you. He's still an ass."

"I-I couldn't call somebody that!" said Shannon, voice scandalised- though she had to admit, she agreed with Jessica.

Maybe a little.

"Aha~ Then I'll just have to insult him in your place. 'Cause he totally deserves it, flirting with _**my **_friend."

Shannon wasn't sure whether she was imagining it or not (she _did _have a very over-active imagination; she knew this all too well), but was there a... possessive hint in Jessica's voice?

Jessica pouted.

"Stupid Mikuo."

And, with that, Jessica took a hard- almost angry- bite out of her crepe (if it was even possible to eat your food 'angrily'; but, regardless of whether it was possible or not, Jessica seemed to be managing it). Liquid chocolate squirted out of the cooling pastry as Jessica tore a chunk of it away with her pointed teeth, leaving a brown smear on her cheek.

Jessica put 101% into everything she did, mused Shannon; whether it was playing Koi Koi as awfully as was humanely possible to do (nobody could fail at cards more magnificently, and with more over-dramatic exclamations of anger, than Ushiromiya Jessica) or effectively _**murder **_poor, innocent chocolate crepes (Shannon could practically hear the agonised pastry scream in pain as Jessica's teeth ripped into it).

The vague memory of Jessica's fingertips round her arm- pulling her along the corridor, away from Mikuo- burst into Shannon's mind, bright and colorful, like those oh-so-pretty Hanafuda cards Kumasawa had given the brunette for her last birthday.

Shannon flushed, ever so slightly.

Jessica really _did_ try her best in everything; exerting far more energy than a normal person would've done.

Even in trying to be Shannon's friend.

Even in trying to shield Shannon from Mikuo's advances.

Even in being unnecessarily over-protective; but incredibly sweet whilst doing so.

Even then.

The pair of girls were stood in a fairly nondescript hallway of Jessica's school, the window opposite them offering a view of cloudless blue sky and bright sunshine. Even though it was October it had yet to become truly cold, and Shannon suspected this was the last of the good weather they'd have; fall was trying desperately to cling onto the memory of the summer, but it wouldn't last for too long...

Shannon smiled, taking dainty, lady-like bites of her strawberry crepe (she felt too much sympathy with Jessica's pasty to attack her food so forcefully; she had half a mind to apologise to Jessica's chocolate crepe for the suffering she was forcing it through, even though it was only an inanimate object).

Shannon knew she had to make these sort-of sunny days- the last remnants of summer- last.

Standing there, watching Jessica devour her crepe in under three bites- and, just beyond Jessica, watching as people moved in groups, talking, laughing, smiling, as the sunlight played across their cheerful faces- Shannon realised she'd never felt so happy before.

And maybe her days of happiness were numbered.

Like the passing of the seasons, it would end one day.

But Shannon would try her best to cling onto it.

"Shouldn't you be at your class, doing your café thing?" asked Shannon inquisitively, tilting her head to one side the usual manner she adapted when she wanted to ask a question.

Jessica gave an awkward, one-shouldered shrug. "Nah. All I did was bake a cake or two- it's not like I need to stick around and serve them up. That's not my job anymore! Haha- Shiho was so freaked out by mom, you wouldn't believe. I had to apologise until my face went blue. No~ot a pretty sight."

Shannon returned Jessica's light-hearted banter with a smile; though she couldn't help but sense there was some real agitation in Jessica's words, hidden behind her smile.

"Are you disappointed?" asked Shannon, trying to poke around behind Jessica's smile just a little; trying to reach the other Jessica (the softer, shyer one) hidden behind her mask.

It didn't really work, though.

"There's always next year," said Jessica, giving Shannon a cheesy grin (even though her cheek was still stained with chocolate; so, technically, 'chocolatey' would've been a better adjective) and a peace sign. "I'll get by. Besides, I've moved on from being a maid- I'm gonna plumb bigger and better heights, you just wait and see! Like… Kehkeh… How does 'master of the universe' sound?"

"That sounds very exciting," said Shannon, smiling. "But please don't do anything illegal."

"Hush up, o ye of little faith!" Jessica retorted, giving Shannon a light thwack the side of the head. "I'll get into power using peaceful means!"

"And then you'll rule the world?"

"Something like that," Jessica said, grinning. "I can take everybody by storm with my amazing cake baking skills, and then they'll HAVE to obey me! I am the Queen of the Kitchen, and my word is law!"

"You sound so confident! Are your cakes really _that_ amazing?"

"Of course!~ You taught me all I know, master! I won't fail you!"

"Will I be able to try a slice of your oh-so-amazing cake then?"

"Sure. I saved you a slice."

"Really?"

"'Course. You can be one of the first to fall in my attempts for world domination." Jessica smiled, her eyes becoming rather wide and misty- as though she were ready to ram nails into somebody's fingers. "I can't keep you around for too long; anybody better at baking than me could become a threat for my master plan… Yeahh. I'll just pretend to be your friend, but in reality I'm going to be plotting… Always plotting… Ha ha ha…"

That laugh was rather creepy- even if it was just in jest.

The chocolate round Jessica's mouth spoilt the effect somewhat, though.

Just was Shannon was about to reply- maybe point out the brown smear on Jessica's lower lip (tactfully, of course)- the squeak of sneakers and a rather high-pitched voice cut through the air.

"Hey, Jessie! Have you seen my stupid brother?"

A rather short, pretty girl was waving at Jessica. She looked incredibly familiar. Her eyes were inquisitive, the irises turquoise- the same color of her impossibly long hair, tied up in two pigtails that still brushed her waist (hair extensions? Hair like_ that _looked like a complete nightmare to look after- not to mention, wasn't it incredibly impractical? What if you trapped it in the door, or sat on it...? And thus, Shannon's mind wandered). The pretty girl with the illogical hair was wearing the same sailor suit Jessica wore, and slung over her shoulders was something that looked like a guitar case.

Jessica returned the pretty girl's wave with a wave of her own, and a small smile.

"Shannon, this is Miku. She's Mikuo's sister. Pity her," Jessica introduced, gesturing towards Miss. Impossibly Long Twin-Tails and- ahh, **that** was why she looked so familiar. Her hair was almost exactly the same as her brother's; and, despite its stupid length, it was impossibly silky, too (maybe good hair just run in the Hatsune family? If Jessica was the jealous type of girl, she would've cursed them for their good luck). "Miku, this is Shannon."

"Hi, Shannon!~" Miku beamed. "Hi, Jessie!"

"You already said that, dummy," said Jessica, voice dry.

"Oh, right~ Silly me." Miku giggled, absent-mindedly coiling strands of turquoise hair round and round her finger. Shannon noticed, with some curiosity, it was the same- _exactly the same_- gesture Jessica used when she was distracted/nervous/angry. Maybe it was a habit Jessica had picked up from Miku...? "You have some chocolate on your face, by the way," Miku said to Jessica.

Pulling a face, Jessica wiped her sleeve across her face before Shannon could tell her to 'stop, don't do that, you'll get a stain on your shirt!'

Inner-Shannon sighed.

She was going to need to wash Jessica's school uniform now; and chocolate was a pain to remove.

"So. Stupid brother. You seen him?" asked Miku, still coiling her hair round and round and round her finger, until it looked like she was going to cut off the blood flow to her fingertip. "He wasn't at our practice, right? I need to chew him out on behalf of lovely Luka- 'cause if she gets to him first she'll break his legs or somethin'."

"I already beat him up, but you can as well, if you want to. He deserves it."

"Eh? You did?" Miku's eyes widened. "Ooh... Ahaha... You're probably worse than Luka, come to think of it…"

"Nah, don't worry," said Shannon, smiling. "He's still alive. _Just._"

"I hope he can still play the drums for later on…"

"He'll be fine."

"Okay!~ If you say so. I wouldn't question your super-stellar judgement. Although, speaking of the drums..." Miku's eyes seemed to light up at that, and she began to long, arduous task of uncoiling her hair from round her finger (if she kept doing that she'd put knots into her pretty hair; but maybe her hair repelled anything that could possibly cause it imperfections). "We should probably go get ready."

"Good idea," said Jessica, nodding. "I got kind of distracted rescuing Shannon from the clutches of your perverted brother."

"I can imagine~ Most people that're exposed to Mikuo's levels of stupid need therapy afterwards," said Miku, peering up at Shannon's face. "Are you okay?"

Shannon could only nod.

"I guess you're tougher than you look," said Miku, smiling. "That's good! I wouldn't want to feel responsible if my stu~pid brother broke your brain. That would be kinda sorta awful, you know? Brothers are the _worst_. Well- he can cook, and he can make things with leek in them, so that's okay, I guess…"

And then Miku continued to ramble.

Shannon smiled at the stream of words that spilled from Miku's mouth. Even though she was pretty, it seemed there was something very odd about her; much like her brother. Perhaps she was more alike to Mikuo than she knew- and not just looks wise (honestly, despite the long pigtails they were virtually identical).

"Alright, Miku, I think you've talked about leeks enough," said Jessica, tugging at one of her twin tails. "You'll scare Shannon away."

"M'not _scary_!~"

"No, you're just weird," Shannon retorted, rolling her eyes. "We need to get ready, remember? Didn't you just say that?"

"O-oh yeah… Hehe~" Miku giggled.

Shannon, however, was feeling rather lost; and not just because Hatsune Miku had some strange kind of leek fetish ("they look like spring onions but they're way more awesome, I mean how could you mix them up like seriously it's a SIN!") and people kept giving her strange looks as they passed her.

"U-um... 'Get ready'?" asked Shannon, looking curiously between Jessica and Miku. "For what?"

Jessica smiled.

"It's a surprise."

"A-a surprise?"

"Yeah," Jessica nodded. "And it's a nice surprise, too- not something weird."

"She's not going to decapitate any kittens for you," said Miku sagely, still working at trying to untangle her fingers from her mess of too-long hair. Even though Miku had spoken with rather sunny tones, an absent-minded smile on her face, Shannon still felt her blood run cold at the rather strange words that come from her mouth.

Was there something more disturbing at Miku than met the eye...?

She not only had an obsession with leeks- but for causing grievous bodily harm to kittens?

Maybe weirdness- like beautiful hair- was just something else that ran in the Hatsune family.

"Ignore Miku, she's an air-head," said Shannon, giving Miku a vague shooing gesture. "Nobody wants to hear your nonsense, so can it, Creepy. But no- it's actually an awesome-nifty surprise, right, way cooler than a stupid maid café! If you come down the gym in like half an hour you'll see, Shannon!~ If I can't rule the world with my baking then at least I could rule the world this other way!~"

And then Jessica smiled, pressing a finger against her lips.

"But don't tell mom, okay? She'd skin me alive."

* * *

><p>"Okay! One, two, three, go!~"<p>

Shannon watched, eyes wide in amazement, at the girl on the stage. She looked like Ushiromiya Jessica- she had the same blonde hair, curling about her shoulders, free of its restrictive ponytail- but everything about her radiated energy, electricity; like a sparking plug. Shannon was half-convinced, if she reached out to touch Jessica, she'd get electrocuted.

Jessica wasn't dressed in her usual school garb. It was true she was wearing a school uniform- or at least, some kind of school uniform- but she wore shorts with her shirt, and there was an over-sized white ribbon perched in her hair, bouncing about as she moved like a living creature. A guitar was slung over Jessica's shoulders- and, following her enthusiastic 'let's go!', Jessica's fingers began to fly over the strings, picking out a cheerful, upbeat rhythm with impossible speed.

Ushiromiya Jessica never looked comfortable at the Ushiromiya mansion- in the family conferences; sat in her formal attire, her hair tied up, her eyes darting confusedly over the complex array of knives and forks. There was always far too much cutlery for a simple three course meal; even Shannon thought that, and she actually knew which knives and forks went with which course.

However, with a guitar in her hands, Jessica looked like a completely different girl; a Jessica rarely seen on Rokkenjima, save the brief times she spent, alone, with Shannon.

She looked bold.

Confident.

Striking.

An Ushiromiya Jessica who was completely comfortable in her own skin.

Behind Jessica, playing the bass, was Miku. She, too, had abandoned her school uniform- opting, instead, to wear a grey shirt, turquoise tie and black skirt. Like her brother (who was playing drums), Miku hardly looked like a real human being anymore; instead, it seemed as though she'd stepped straight from an inked, black-and-white comic book world. She looked like a futuristic idol, with her stupidly long hair.

The pink-haired girl from earlier (apparently her name was 'Luka') was playing the keyboard; and Shannon couldn't help but think her long hair would get in the way, would be a distraction, but it didn't hinder the pace of her fingers at all.

To complete the band- Jessica's band, as Shannon soon realised, because it was Jessica at the forefront of the quintet with the widest smile and the most enthused playing- was a red-headed girl with a rather large tuft of hair that stuck, at an awkward angle, from her scalp. Ball joints had been doodled with black marker onto her bare arms and legs- though it was starting to run under the harsh stage lights. She was also playing the guitar.

Shannon watched, transfixed, part of the shouting crowd- though she herself was not shouting- as Jessica continued to dazzle and sparkle and shine all who saw her.

Comparing this Jessica with the one Shannon saw so frequently around the Ushiromiya mansion was like trying to compare a duckling to a swan.

This...

This was a part of Jessica Shannon had seen, on several occasions; but never before had it hit her, with such force (such _intensity_) just how amazing Jessica was.

And the saddest thing was, Natsuhi didn't know.

She couldn't know.

Jessica was more than a potential successor to the Ushiromiya family headship- so much more. She was warm and sunny and a little over-protective, she had a short temper and she couldn't cook, she didn't understand the rules of Koi Koi (even though it was a simple game) and she hated sewing, she didn't know the difference between a dessert spoon or a soup spoon and her room was as untidy as a junk yard, but she was a lively, bubbly, vivacious girl, she tried her best in everything, she had an unexpected cute side, she made promises she could keep and told Shannon secrets because she _trusted_ her, she could play the guitar and- despite Natsuhi's stern teachings she should be more refined, more ladylike- she still remained as unruly and uncouth and impossibly amazing as she could be.

It felt like this- seeing this; seeing Jessica stood onstage, playing the guitar (but not just that; lamenting her asthma, wishing she could dress up and impress boys, protecting Shannon from Mikuo, joking with her friends; all of it, all combined together)- was a secret side of Jessica the blonde never showed her family.

But she had shown Shannon.

She had... trusted her...

And, despite herself- despite the voice in her head that told her it was strange, it was wrong, and servants shouldn't become so close with their masters- Shannon couldn't stop herself from smiling.

Neither could she stop the sudden, insatiable rush of love she felt welling up inside of her heart.

It was a different kind of 'love' to the love she shared for Battler; not quite so passionate, not quite so yearning- but it was a 'love' all the same, and it was still there, like a butterfly beating its fragile wings inside the confines of Shannon's ribcage.

And Shannon was going to tend to it all by herself.

This could be her 'secret'.

And maybe, just maybe, she could share it with Jessica- just as Jessica had opened herself up, so completely, to Shannon.

* * *

><p>All of the songs the strange quintet played were rather fast-paced and cheerful; but when Jessica's fingers reached the last chord of their penultimate song (it was entitled 'Whatever'- which seemed strangely fitting, considering how often Jessica herself used that phrase herself) the mood in the gym seemed to change. It became quieter, more subdued; the wide smile faded from Jessica's face just a little, and the other four members of the strange band lost their cheery auras, too.<p>

"Hey, you guys," said Jessica, taking the microphone. "I know it's kinda strange, but or final song is going to be more, um... low-key, I guess, than the others? Sorry! I can't keep smiling like this forever- my face is beginning to hurt!"

Jessica gave a small wink with this light-hearted comment, and a few ripples of laughter rushed through the audience.

"So, yeah. This song... We haven't played it before- and it's all original. It was kinda, umm..." Jessica's smile continued to waver, and a faint pink dusting spread across her cheeks. For the first time since Jessica had been on that stage, her fingertips flying across the strings of her guitar, she looked a little unsure of herself. "This was kind of inspired by somebody I know. Juu~uust a little. Aheh... it's a little embarrassing... B-but I hope they like it. And, um- this person should remember they're not as useless as they might think they are. A-and I'm going to stand by my word, and-"

But Jessica's rambling was cleaved in two by a comment from a person in the crowd.

"Hurry up and get on with it!"

Jessica pouted at this command- and then stuck out her tongue, prompting another chorus of giggles. And yet she managed to look composed; just like before.

Less nervous.

"Okay, okay! Geez! If you don't want to hear my amazingly heart-warming speech, then that's just too bad for you!"

More laughter.

A rather awkward- yet incredibly sincere- smile spread across Jessica's face, as the blonde's eyes scanned through the crowd; and Shannon swore those bright blue eyes landed on her, for a fraction of a second.

Jessica was looking at her.

Smiling at her.

"This song is called 'Melancholic'. I hope you enjoy it. 'Cause if you don't, I'm gonna put my brass knuckles to good use. Heheh~"

And then- with another call of 'one, two, three!'- Jessica's fingers went to the strings of her guitar-

And she began to sing.

Even though she was singing to everybody in the gym- and every single person listened in rapt attention, as Jessica's strangely soft, wistful voice (worlds apart from her previous, overly-enthusiastic singing) sang of a shy, clumsy girl who ploughed forwards with haphazard bluntness all the same, despite her insecurities and fears and her desire for somebody to see past the façade and no, she really wasn't that strong at all- Shannon couldn't help but feel Jessica was singing directly to her. Or, at least- Shannon knew she was one of the only people who really understood what the song was about.

The girl in the song wasn't some catch-all- a cookie-cutter character- for any other typical shy, insecure girl.

It wasn't... as general as that.

Because Shannon knew.

Her heart filled up with more butterflies- butterflies upon butterflies- until she had to place a hand (her fingers shaking) over her chest in a strange kind of daze.

Shannon knew.

A secret.

Another secret.

The girl Jessica was singing about...

It was her.

Jessica was singing about _herself._

Maybe the Jessica onstage with her wide smile and her pretty voice and her guitar wasn't all that confident as she made out to be after all.

* * *

><p>Jessica had been incredibly fired-up after her performance, talking a mile a minute whilst Shannon congratulated her; but, during the boat ride back home (the sky darkening, the sea losing its lustre as the day drew to a close) all of Jessica's energy seemed to drain from her, like water being wrung out of a sponge drip by drip- until there was almost nothing left.<p>

Jessica's head fell against Shannon's shoulder with a soft 'thwump', her eyelashes falling closed against her skin- and Shannon smiled, ever so slightly, at this close contact.

Friends.

They really were… friends…

The butterflies in Shannon's heart- in her stomach (trembling in her fingertips, under her skin, throughout her whole body)- fluttered.

Shannon had seen two sides of Jessica that day; so clearly (oh so clearly) it felt as if there were two different Jessicas residing in the same body.

There was the strong, confident girl Jessica wanted to be.

And the quiet, shy girl she felt she really was underneath the bravado; the demure 'lady' Natsuhi wanted her to be.

The 'melancholic' side.

It was another secret.

It was another secret between friends; another silent understanding that created a 'bond'- a tie of trust that drew the pair of girls closer to together- even closer, perhaps, than they were now, Jessica's sleeping form leaning against Shannon's side, her breath ghosting against Shannon's skin.

As Shannon watched the sun setting slowly- like a piece of grapefruit dyeing the sky (the very surface of the ocean) reds and oranges and yellows- she couldn't help but sigh at the beauty of it all.

Jessica was asleep- dead to the world- but, somehow, being with somebody else (even if they weren't awake to appreciate the sunset with her as it cast eerie sparkles across the ocean's mirror-like surface) was incredibly comforting.

Once upon a time, the sunset used to scare Shannon- just a little.

It meant saying goodbye.

Sunsets, to Shannon's mind a few years ago, brought about endings; endings to good days (_"I'll come back for you") _and precious memories.

But now Shannon could see the sunset for what it really was.

It was beautiful.

Almost breath-taking.

She had been so blind; so horribly, tragically blind- that it almost hurt.

But that was going to change now.

The butterflies in Shannon's heart began to beat faster.

* * *

><p>"Aw man! I am totally going to KILL Miki!"<p>

"W-what's wrong?"

Jessica pouted, showing Shannon the insides of her well-worn, beaten up school bag. There, crumpled up in a messy heap, were the clothes Jessica had worn onstage, a few assorted text books she hadn't removed- and, at the very bottom, a piece of scrunched up Clingfilm with a few cake crumbs stuck to it.

There was a note left there, too. The characters were rather round, almost childish, and various stars were doodled around the red wax crayon words, serving no purpose at all other than 'looking pretty'.

The crumpled-up note read:

_'Hey, Jessie!~  
>Don't hate me, okay, but I got really hungry working at our café- it's TROP DIFFICLE being a maid, alright, but you wouldn't know 'cause you backed out at the last minute leaving me ALL ALONEEEE with that horrible Akita and Mizki and Lily and yeaa Megumi's okay but she's not as hilarious as YOU yanno- and I was going to eat some of the food and Lily was all 'NO! You can't eat the food for our café!'- and I knew you saved a piece of that cake you made in your bag and yeah I um sort of ate it but DON'T HATE ME what HOW COULD YOU HATE ME?<em>

~Love Miki xoxoxoxoxo'

Jessica's pout could've curdled milk.

"I saved that piece of cake for _**you,**_" said Jessica, folding her arms. "How am I going to make you fall under my spell now? This has put a huge dent in my world domination plan."

And- even though Jessica was frowning, like a child whose favourite toy had been stolen- Shannon couldn't help but laugh.

* * *

><p><strong>an:** So yea I kinda pondered what to do here because I needed extra charas for Jessie's friends/band mates (they're not /overly/ important charas but they add a 'dimension' to Jessie's school life I guess), & nobody likes OCs so I just stole some Vocaloids instead :3  
>It seemed fitting, considering this fic is named after a Vocaloid song.<br>Plus, the idea of making Jessie cosplay as Rin was just too much fun XDD Esp. as the song Melancholic, which inspired this fic and is totally the song Jessie sings in this chapter, uses Rin's voice.

More sugary cuteness/building of a friendship here.  
>The next few chapters will be of a similar adorable building a relationship vein, as well.<br>Jessie and Shannon are so adorable I don't even XDD;

**~renahhchen xoxo**


	5. It was the prettiest thing I've seen

**Melancholic****  
><strong>Chapter Five

'1982: It was the prettiest thing I've seen'

* * *

><p>The excitement of Jessica's cultural festival had long since died down, just like a storm at sea that slowly calmed. October passed into November, and November into December without event. The weather became a little colder, the waves at the beach became steely grey, Natsuhi's headaches were still rather frequent (although they were far fewer than when Eva was around to further instigate them), and Jessica continued practicing her guitar in the safety of her room when nobody was around.<p>

It snowed in early December, just a little- and Jessica dragged Shannon outside, despite her protests ("I still have so much to do!"), for a childish snowball fight. The snow hadn't really been all that deep- there was hardly enough to compact together to make a decent snowball- but that hadn't deterred Jessica.

Jessica was strangely determined when it came to acting as childish as possible- and Shannon couldn't help but find that quality about her endearing.

The two girls had run about under the lazily spiraling snowflakes, laughing; acting like children- or maybe, even, like the carefree teenagers they could have been in another life. With fingers stuffed haphazardly into mittens (Shannon had to borrow a pair of Jessica's old ones, for all her own mittens were far too small- and the wool of Jessica's old castoffs had become frayed; unpicked, almost inviting the cold through the fabric to bite at Shannon's fingers), wearing coats and scarves and three layers of socks, they had crunched through the sugar-icing layer of snow; smiling as the wind stung their unprotected cheeks and turning them red.

Jessica's hair had become more wildly curly than usual from the falling snow, and Shannon had caught a cold, and Natsuhi had scolded them both- but it didn't matter.

It really didn't matter.

After their impromptu snowball fight the two girls had sat in Jessica's room, legs crossed, leant against the radiator as though it were a lifeline. Jessica's hair, which glittered with melted snowflakes like some precious stone, drip drip dripped water against the floor- making a small puddle- but Shannon hadn't minded, and neither had she scolded Jessica for making a mess, because Shannon had been sure her own hair was doing the same.

Sipping the hot chocolate Shannon had made with numb lips, delicious warmth seeping through their clothes from the radiator, caressing their frost-bitten skin, Shannon couldn't help but smile- even though she couldn't feel her nose.

She'd been doing a lot of that lately.

Smiling.

Even stranger still- smiling without knowing she was doing it.

Christmas arrived shortly afterwards, with another light shower of snow that melted the moment it touched the ground. The Ushiromiya family placed more emphasis on Christmas than most Japanese families, owing to Kinzo's slightly eccentric love of all things Western- from the internal décor of the Ushiromiya mansion to the clothes he and his family wore, and even to the names he'd given his children (a tradition which had been passed down through the family, to Jessica's chagrin. Her school life would've been _much_ easier if she'd been given a typical Japanese name; it was a barrier that further served to ostracize her from all but her most accepting ((or just downright 'weird')) classmates. Jessica had it fairly _easy_ compared to poor Battler, though. Whomever had told Rudolf 'Battler' was a perfectly acceptable English-inspired name had obviously been playing a very cruel practical joke on the man; or maybe Rudolf and Asumu themselves were the ones with the strange sense of humor).

However, Christmas was nowhere near as hectic as the annual family conferences- and the servants had no more work do during the holiday than in any other time of the year. In fact, if it hadn't been for the cold weather, the mandatory present-giving and the Christmas dinner, the 25th of December that year would hardly have been distinguishable as 'Christmas' at all. It had been a fairly maudlin affair.

Natsuhi had complained of a headache, and had retreated to her room half-way through her meal; and Krauss, ever the attentive husband, had gone to console his wife. Whilst Krauss was a caring husband, he was perhaps- in some respects- not the best father, for he had left Jessica all by herself at the too-large table to pick at her food in silence.

Trying to celebrate a holiday centered around 'families' was almost laughable for the Ushiromiyas, considering their poor relations with one another. The Ushiromiya mansion was proof of that; all but empty, save for Natsuhi, Krauss, Jessica, the ghost of Kinzo who never left his study and the servants. They rattled about the too-large house like lentils in a can- and it was no exaggeration to say it was possible to meander through the corridors without running into another living soul for days on end. Everything about Rokkenjima was large and impressive, from the sheer cliff faces to the expansive forest, to the beautiful rose garden to the mansion that nestled inside it- but the grandeur of Rokkenjima was useless (and more than just a little bit intimidating) when there was nobody to appreciate it.

Christmas was a 'family' holiday- but the Ushiromiyas weren't a real 'family' at all.

Maybe that realization was the trigger that brought along Natsuhi's headache.

Maybe she hadn't been stressed at all.

Maybe, instead, she'd felt homesick.

It did not seem to illogical to assume Natsuhi had felt homesick for her own 'family'; the 'family' Natsuhi claimed, repeatedly (to combat Eva's cruel words and snide comments) to have left behind- for Natsuhi always said she was an Ushiromiya at heart and proud to be so.

But Shannon always thought being an Ushiromiya was, whilst very grand, also a very lonely fate.

Christmas only seemed to support that idea.

Jessica had looked rather despondent and downright miserable sat at that large dinner table by herself, picking at the lavish food without tasting it; her legs crossed and her fork held in a lax grip, her eyes the same misty, steely grey of the sea in December.

Even so, there had been one bright spot in Christmas.

Jessica, after pushing her plate away with a horrible screech (she hadn't even sat through dessert; apparently, she'd lost her appetite. Being alone in the dining room, with nothing but the cobwebs and spiders and watchful portraits for company would've made anybody uncomfortable), had sought out Shannon- and, as soon as she'd found her, Jessica had taken Shannon by the arm and dragged her into her room.

And why had Jessica been so desperate to talk to Shannon?

The answer was simple- and yet, at the same time, rather surprising (although Shannon knew, deep down, she shouldn't have been surprised at all).

Jessica had bought Shannon a Christmas present.

It was a simple present; a pair of mittens ("because you don't have any of your own... I-I know it's stupid, but I don't want you getting frostbite. Mom would be _soo _pissed off if our maid's fingers started falling off, ahaha"), and even though it was a normal gesture- a_ friendly_ gesture- it had still made both girls flush. Some small part of Shannon had been sure accepting gifts from her masters was improper (even if the reasoning behind said gift was 'you can do more work this way'- but Shannon was sure that was a cover-up); but the bigger part of Shannon didn't care.

She'd been happy.

And Shannon had made Jessica a gift, too; made it with her own hands, because an opportunity hadn't arisen for her to purchase anything from the mainland. It was a scarf- badly sewn together (Shannon was still incredibly clumsy with her fingers, and no matter how many times Kumasawa had tried to teach her the proper method of knitting cables, Shannon still poked herself in the fingers with the needles more than she was able to shape the wool, and Shannon had constantly made errors that needed to be unpicked. Kumasawa, with her fingers stiff from old age and arthritis, was far more capable and nimble than Shannon herself), but Shannon had tried.

She'd tried her best.

Shannon had poured real love into that scarf.

Just as she poured her whole heart- every last ounce of her being- into being Jessica's friend; because Jessica _deserved_ to have friends, and Shannon had been lonely, too.

That scarf had been a 'thank you', just as much as it had been a present.

That scarf had been a 'thank you' to Jessica for being somebody to laugh with; for being somebody to play about in the snow like a child with; for being somebody to share secrets with; for being somebody to drink hot chocolate under bed covers on cold nights with.

That scarf had been a 'thank you' to Jessica for simply _being._

For being so bright.

So cheerful.

So amazing.

For being Shannon's friend.

It wasn't like Jessica didn't already own a scarf (better scarves, too, than the lumpy mess Shannon had 'created'- for her gift was so deformed it was on par with Frankenstein's monster), but Jessica had accepted it with a smile so wide you would've thought Shannon had handed her something priceless; irreplaceable.

Astonishing.

Jessica had vowed to wear that failure of a scarf whenever she went outside- even to school ("I can tell Mikuo you made it for me and he'll be sooo jealous!")- and whilst Shannon stuttered and said wasn't _that_ good, not really, Jessica had only smiled.

"Maybe," Jessica had said, wrapping the deformed mess of material posing as a 'scarf' round her neck, "Christmas this year wasn't a total failure after all."

And Shannon- wearing her new mittens, even though it was warm inside the house to really need them, but she'd been feeling strangely sentimental- had only smiled and nodded her head.

The winter months soon ended, however- and the days of snowball fights and hot chocolate and wearing those mittens Jessica had given her with a small, knowing smile ended quickly.

Far, far too quickly.

In a rather sad, quiet- almost understated way- the year of 1991 passed into 1992.

And thus, in a strange burst of lukewarm weather, February arrived.

* * *

><p>Shannon had never understood the thrall of Valentine's Day. Perhaps it was because she'd never had any boys to give chocolate to before; or maybe it was because the one boy she <em>would <em>have wanted to make chocolate for couldn't receive it; or maybe it was simply because Shannon- despite her love for fairytales, even as she neared her fifteenth birthday- could also be a realist, as well as a romanticist. Shannon dreamed of the day she would be reunited with Battler- but a small part of her knew, in the back of her mind, real life wasn't a fantasy.

Real life _wasn't _perfect.

Real life was messy and clumsy and sometimes bad things happened- things that hurt you- but you had to push on despite it all, because no matter how terrible things appeared there was beauty in everything if you knew where to look.

Once upon a time, Shannon had been engrossed in the idea of a 'happily ever after'.

Now, she was beginning to question if that was at all possible.

And it was all thanks to Jessica.

Jessica- with her blunt nature, wide smile, conflicting desires and secret shyness- had made Shannon open her eyes.

Shannon was no longer blind.

She refused to keep deluding herself.

And Valentine's Day was- no matter how you looked at it- a strange kind of universally acceptable delusion, wasn't it? (Either that, or it was a carefully built-up marketing scam by various companies that made chocolates.) The thought that mere chocolates- no matter how much effort, heart and hopes and love and feelings you poured and poured and poured into them- could make somebody fall in love with you was ridiculous.

It was a nice dream, a nice fantasy- and maybe that was why so many girls invested so much effort in making home made chocolates rather than purchasing them from stores- but, at the end of the day, it wasn't_ realistic._

Shannon liked the idea behind Valentine's Day; but she didn't care much for the actual holiday.

And she'd always assumed Jessica would be like that, too.

But...

Strangely enough, that wasn't the case- as Shannon soon discovered on February 13th, the day before Saint Valentine's.

Shannon had been sat by herself in her room, reading a book. She was the only maid who didn't share a bedroom with anybody else- mainly Shannon had been on Rokkenjima the longest out of all the maids (even if she wasn't necessarily the best at her job), which meant she was somehow 'entitled' to more privacy than the others (not to mention, there was an odd number of maids on the island anyway; thus, there would always have been one maid who had her own room). Even though some of the other maids were jealous of Shannon (apparently Kinzo 'favored' her; which seemed ridiculous to Shannon, considering it was often _her_ who suffered the brunt of Natsuhi's cruel words and short temper), Shannon had never asked for her own room- and neither did she desire one. It only served to separate her from the other maids more; driving wedges between them that wouldn't go away.

It had been a fairly peaceful afternoon- and Shannon had been curled up under her bed covers, a mystery novel in one hand. She'd already read it once- and knowing who the culprit was before the big reveal at the end did somewhat spoil the exhilaration of reading the mystery genre in the first place, but Shannon wanted to find any clues she may have missed from the first read through.

That peaceful atmosphere soon changed, however, when her door was swung open with a loud _**crack!**_ It sounded like a thunderbolt- and it was enough to make Shannon's heart almost claw its way out of her throat.

Shannon jumped, pulling herself up into a sitting position so quickly her hair became disordered- and her fingers flew up, instinctively, to cover her face (an act of protection- though what she was protecting herself from, she didn't know), so her book slipped from her fingers and fell onto the floor.

The only people who entered the servants' rooms were the other servants- and neither Kumasawa nor Genji would've been so rough when opening doors. Shannon supposed it was one of the younger maids, coming to scold her for not doing her work properly- or maybe she'd lost something, or maybe she'd forgotten to do one of her duties (it happened sometimes. Shannon was by no means infallible).

But, through her splayed fingers, Shannon caught a glimpse of blonde hair and a poisonous scowl.

It wasn't one of the other maids at all.

But, if Shannon had still been in any doubt of the other person's identity, their voice soon let her know it was none other than Jessica.

"Shannon! Shannonnnnn, you've got to help me! I'm _dying_!"

And, with those words, all of Shannon's worries- her embarrassment that Jessica had to see her room, unfurnished and sparse though it was (world's apart from Jessica's bedroom), and her principles that servants shouldn't be so close to their masters, and her knowledge Natsuhi really _wouldn't _appreciate it if she knew Jessica had gone into one of the servant's rooms- flew straight out of her head.

All of it disappeared.

And, to fill in the empty spaces, came worry.

Worries upon worries flooded through Shannon's brain; eating up any space left in her mind, like maggots.

Shannon had a very over-active imagination; and, as such, her brain was able to threw hundreds upon hundreds of nightmare scenarios into her skull, as though a movie were projecting in her brain.

Jessica was _dying?_

It was probably (_most definitely_) an over-exaggeration- but then, why did Jessica sound so desperate?

Was she having another asthma attack?

Jessica's breathing didn't sound labored- her words weren't fractured- but maybe she was in serious pain?

Had Jessica hurt herself?

These concerns- and _**more**_- spilled out of Shannon's mouth in a rush of words, as the maid cast her scrutinizing, worrying eye over Jessica. The blonde didn't look like she was in pain. It was true Jessica was scowling, somewhat, and her eyes were downcast- but nothing suggested she was_ hurt, _not seriously so, as her voice had suggested…

But then, as Shannon began fussing over Jessica- her voice rising in pitch slightly from some bizarre hysteria- Jessica's frown quickly quirked upwards into a smile, which became a grin, which fast became a series of uncontrollable giggles that Jessica couldn't quite stuff back into her mouth.

Shannon could only blink at Jessica in confusion.

Maybe there was something wrong... in her _brain._

"Shannon, you worrywart!" Jessica sniggered, flopping down beside Shannon with an almighty _fhwumph! _Jessica's ponytail bounced slightly at this, her skirts shifting slightly- and Shannon flushed, as a rather large expanse of thigh was left on display. Jessica didn't seem to care for her modesty, though; she was too busy grinning- holding her middle as though she were half afraid her sides would split. "Y-you sounded so worried! What did you _think _was wrong?"

By now, Shannon's face was so red with embarrassment she resembled a tomato.

It wasn't particularly flattering.

"I-I was worried about you!"

This, of course, only made Jessica laugh even louder.

With trembling fingers, Shannon reached forwards for her trusty pillow- and then promptly buried her face into it, trying to hide her embarrassment.

It didn't work.

Jessica had already seen.

"D-don't make fun of me," Shannon muttered into her pillow. "Y-you seriously scared me..."

Jessica's eyes softened slightly at this- though the subtle shift in her facial expression was quite lost on Shannon. Jessica was still smiling, a few stray giggles _still_ slipping past her lips no matter how hard she tried to stifle them with her fingers (try to be considerate_: be more ladylike, Ushiromiya Jessica,_ a voice that sounded very much like Natsuhi's echoed through the blonde's mind), but she was no longer cackling mercilessly at poor Shannon's plight.

After taking a few seconds to compose herself- after all, Jessica didn't want to upset Shannon further- Jessica spoke.

"I'm sorry," said Jessica softly, placing a hand on Shannon's shoulder. "I didn't mean to upset you. That was dumb."

"I-it was."

It was a mark of how embarrassed Shannon was that she agreed- albeit half-heartedly- to Jessica's scathing assessment of her own character. Typically, when Jessica called herself or her actions 'dumb', 'stupid', etc, Shannon would counter with an innocent, wide-eyed 't-that's not true...!' Therefore, it was almost _unsettling _when Shannon simply agreed with Jessica.

Jessica frowned.

She must have upset Shannon more than she'd thought.

"I'm sorry, okay?" Jessica wheedled, her fingers moving from Shannon's shoulder to the pillow in her hands. Then- with a lightening speed and strength that belonged more to a Greek myth than a teenage girl- Jessica seized hold of the pillow (the barrier Shannon had imposed between the two girls) and pulled it away.

"H-hey!" Shannon cried, "g-give that back!"

"No~_**ooo**_ way! Not until you accept my apology!"

"A-apologies don't work that way!"

"Well, they _should_," Jessica shot back- dangling the pillow just of Shannon's reach with a sincere smile on her face. "Besides, you can't be mopey with me for too long. I totally need your help- or I really _might _die."

Shannon's resolve to stay mad at Jessica (which had been rather flimsy to begin with; Shannon couldn't have kept a grudge if her life depended on it) crumbled. The moment Jessica gave her the puppy dog eyes (which were strangely effective, considering Jessica's almost tomboyish nature at times), Shannon knew she'd lost.

Well…

She'd been fighting a losing battle to begin with, anyway.

"W-what do you want?" asked Shannon, folding her arms- trying to keep the defeated tone out of her voice.

It didn't really work.

Jessica still heard it.

Jessica was incredibly astute when she wanted to be; maybe because she'd spent so much of her childhood tip-toeing around Natsuhi and her frequent headaches. That poor woman was like a time-bomb; set to detonate if anybody (even her own daughter) pushed the wrong buttons. Thus, Jessica had learnt to notice the slightest changes in people's attitudes; and it was a skill Shannon constantly forgot the blonde possessed.

Shannon pouted.

"Um, welllll..." Jessica drew out the word as though it were a piece of gum- stretching it beyond breaking point. It looked like she was struggling for words; or maybe she wasn't quite sure what to say, following her over-dramatic entrance. With a small smile, Jessica began to throw Shannon's captive pillow into the air- catching it deftly as it spiraled back to earth. "Well..." Jessica began again, still spinning the pillow in her grip. "You know what day it is tomorrow, ri~_iii_ght?"

"February the fourteenth?"

Jessica nodded- but the way she said "Yeah soooo?" indicated she was waiting for more.

Shannon frowned, her brows furrowing. What was so incredibly important about February the fourteenth?

...And then, it hit her.

"Valentine's Day?"

"You got it! Hooray!~" Jessica sang, throwing the pillow aside (Shannon caught it) so she could give a small round of applause. "And d'you know what girls do on Valentine's Day?"

"...They make chocolate?"

At least, most girls did. Shannon had certainly never done that before. She'd never even made obligatory chocolates; she had nobody to give them _to. _Somehow, Shannon doubted the other maids would appreciate her efforts if she tried- and the only she could imagine giving chocolate to was Battler.

"Yay!~" Jessica giggled, giving Shannon another round of applause. "You got it! Girls make chocolate!~ Well..." Jessica paused, offering Shannon a sheepish smile. "Ahaha... At least, the girls who cook an' stuff do- like Luka. I usually buy mine from a store. I'm lazy like that."

"You give people Valentine's chocolates?" asked Shannon, her brows quirking slightly in surprise, despite herself. Jessica didn't seem the type, somehow. However, Shannon didn't want to appear rude- and she didn't want to insinuate anything cruel- so she quickly corrected her previous statement with a quick, "u-um, n-not that there's anything wrong with that, but-"

But Jessica cut her off.

"I know it sounds strange," said Jessica. "The people at school are all surprised too- like 'whoa, Jessie can't give us _chocolate_. She's more of a man than the boys here!' But... Aha, it's just obligatory chocolates- for Miku and Luka and Miki. And maybe Shiho and some of the others. In fact, if I owe anybody chocolate, it's _definitely _Shiho, after mom got so angry at her. And… maaaybe I'll give some to Mikuo." Jessica made a face. "If he doesn't blow it out of proportion this time and start on the whole 'Jessie has a secret cru~ush on me!' thing like last time. Urgh- he's so immature. And big-headed. Like... Ew. I gave him a black eye with his chocolate last year."

Jessica stuck out her tongue- and Shannon couldn't help but smile, just a little. An image of the turquoise-haired Mikuo, smirking with narrowed eyes, came to Shannon's mind- and, all of a sudden, Shannon understood Jessica's violent sentiments perfectly.

Mikuo really_ could_ be annoying.

"It's just..." Jessica pouted- swinging her legs idly back and forth, back and forth against Shannon's bed. "Because I have kind of a short temper... And I'm an Ushiromiya... People have these weird ideas about me. They either treat me like a boy, or they think _**I **_think I'm amazingly stuck-up and 'better than thou'; like, looking down at everybody or something..."

Shannon had told herself she wasn't going to sympathize with Jessica- she was going to make the blonde girl feel mean (just a little, though; Shannon didn't want to hurt her feelings) for worrying her earlier with that entirely unwarranted 'I'm dying!' However, at that soft- almost shy- confession from Jessica, Shannon couldn't stop herself from becoming offended on Jessica's behalf. Shannon didn't know who held those pre-conceived opinions about Jessica, but they weren't true- they weren't true at all. If they'd bothered to look beyond Jessica's family name, and the wealth the Ushiromiyas were connected with, they would have seen Jessica was a sweet-natured girl who could care no more about 'social status' than a sturdy oak tree would have noticed a slight breeze.

"T-that's not true!" said Shannon indignantly.

"I know," said Jessica, smiling sadly- perhaps a little self-deprecatingly. "At least, I _hope_ it's true. I've tried to prove I'm not some posh snob who looks down my nose at everyone... But it's not enough. I don't think it ever will be- unless I change my last name to, I dunno, 'Satou' or something."

"You're not a posh snob," said Shannon, her eyes set with determination. "I-I don't understand how anybody could think that... J-just looking at you, you'd know-"

"But not everybody bothers to look."

Both Shannon and Jessica sighed in unison at this- and then, even though it wasn't really funny, they began to laugh.

"To be honest, I don't really care," said Jessica, shrugging. "Let them think what they want."

"It's their loss."

"Well, of course it is- me being so incredible and all," said Jessica, grinning. "But sometimes, I get this _cr~azy _idea that I'd like to fit with the rest of my school just a little more. And trust me, it's kind of hard trying to fit in with a name like 'Jessica'. Ahaha... A-and even though I'm not all that 'girly', sometimes even_** I**_ would like to do the usual things most of the girls in my class do... They've all been babbling about Valentine's Day for a while, and I don't really care- not really- but... It sounds silly..." Jessica's voice trailed away as some small brooks narrow themselves into nonexistence. Jessica began picking at the hem of her skirt. "B-but sometimes it would be nice to fit in... Just a little more."

Shannon watched as Jessica pick-pick-picked at those loose threads; before, with a long-suffering sigh, she reached forwards, pulling Jessica's fingers away.

Jessica looked up, wide-eyed, as their skin made contact- and even though it was a small gesture (a slight brush of the fingers) Shannon felt her heartbeat speed up.

"U-um..." Shannon floundered, her mind searching desperately for the right words- but all the words she possessed seemed to have deserted her. "U-um, you... you were going to ruin it... I-I wouldn't want to sew that… I-in fact, you wouldn't _**want**_ me to sew that, I'm terrible at it…"

"Y-you're babbling."

"S-sorry…"

"S'okay."

Both the girls were visibly flushed (Jessica was rarely that jumpy when it came to skin contact. She frequently engaged Shannon in surprise hugs; but Jessica seemed to be a very strange mood that evening, and perhaps she was a little more 'delicate' than usual. She'd practically laid her heart bare for Shannon to take a look at; and, somehow, Shannon was sure Jessica would never have confided any of those fears with her mother, or her fellow classmates) when they drew away.

Shannon held her hand to her chest, feeling the steady thump thump thump of her heartbeat; and she swore her feet literally felt cold, for the sudden rush of blood that had gone to her cheeks.

However, after another small silence, Shannon felt fingers on her shoulder- and Shannon turned, to see Jessica smiling, ever so slightly, at her.

"So... Since you're _way _better at cooking than me, d'you wanna help me out?" asked Jessica.

Shannon frowned, unsure what Jessica meant. It felt like her mind had turned to sludge- which not was a remotely attractive image. If her mind was sludge, her words were syrup; thick and heavy in her throat. "H-help you out...?"

"Yeah. Making the chocolate and stuff, right?"

"Y-you're making it by hand?"

"What? Is that really _sooo _incredulous?" asked Jessica, her lower lip wobbling slightly in faux disappointment. "You think my food sucks that much? You _insult _me, madam!"

"N-no, it's not that," Shannon was only too quick to reassure, "but... But..."

"It doesn't seem like me, I know. But..." Jessica smiled. "I still want to try. I've always bought my chocolate before- but making it by hand sounds really fun! Plus, it can't be any worse than the chocolate Miku makes... I don't know who told that girl she can cook, but she can't, and it's actually kind of terrible..." Jessica gave a great mock shudder, wrapping her arms round herself as though she were trying to shield her body from some unimaginable horror.

Shannon blinked at this theatrical gesture. It seemed completely out of place when they were discussing Valentine's Day chocolate. What on earth did Miku put in her chocolate that inspired such bone-chilling terror? Chilli powder? _Cyanide?_

"Miku's chocolate can't be that bad, can it?"

Jessica's face darkened. "You have _no _idea."

"B-but I've never made chocolate before, either," said Shannon, shifting nervously. She was only good at baking because she'd done it so many times before; but when it came to new pursuits (such a knitting scarves), Shannon was horribly inept. She was all fingers and thumbs with most delicate jobs, and the few times she'd tried preparing vegetables she put more cuts into her fingers than the carrots or leeks.

"That's okay," said Jessica, flashing Shannon a bright smile. "We can learn together!~"

"T-together...?"

"Yep. 'To boldly go where no man has gone before' and all that stuff!" said Jessica, her eyes shimmering with an entirely misplaced confidence in Shannon's cooking skills.

Even so, Shannon couldn't help but smile.

'Together'...

She liked the sound of that word.

* * *

><p>Amazingly enough, the home made chocolates were not quite the disaster Shannon had anticipated they would be. It had taken them several attempts to get the consistency of their brown mushy chocolately goop right- and, in the process, the kitchen had been quite badly splattered with brown smears and sticky fingerprints. It wasn't only the kitchen that found itself covered in odd spots and drops of chocolate, however- for Jessica herself had moved to idly scratch her nose, and smeared a trail of brown goo across her face that made Shannon giggle, and Jessica stick out her tongue in childish response.<p>

But- after two hours of trial and error and numerous taste-testing (not to mention tongue-burning), the chocolate was finally ready; and (to Shannon, at least) it didn't taste all that bad. Perhaps it wasn't as good as the shop-bought chocolates- but more _love _had been put into the strange-smelling, slightly misshapen rejects their hard work had produced.

"T-these aren't for anybody in particular, are they?" Shannon found herself asking- and then she flushed, just slightly, at the sudden intimacy of that question. Why should she care if Jessica had a crush on somebody at school? She didn't care- n-not really... She didn't.

It didn't matter.

...So why did she feel jealous?

Jessica smirked in response- and then she reached forwards to tug at one of the pigtails Shannon had tied her hair into. Shannon had only tied her hair up to avoid it getting in her face, or getting smeared with chocolate; but that was rendered useless, as Jessica's dirty fingers streaked more brown goop through Shannon's once-was neat and tidy hair. Shannon didn't complain, though. Any complaints she might have harbored died instantly at the smile Jessica gave her.

"Nope. Not really," Jessica said, shrugging. "It's all obligatory stuff. Like _**I'd **_get all stupid and doe-eyed over any of the guys at my school. I just wanted to try something new."

"I-is that all...?"

"That's all," Jessica affirmed- but her eyes glittered with mischief when she said, voice teasing, "why? Jealous?"

Shannon looked at her floor. "N-no..."

"You shouldn't be jealous," Jessica continued, taking a piece of oddly-shaped chocolate and rolling it about between her thumb and index finger.

"W-why's that?"

There was a small lull in the conversation, as Jessica looked a the piece of chocolate held in her fingertips thoughtfully. It began to melt- more brown oozing slowly down Jessica's thumb, as mud slid down a hill.

Then, Jessica looked up- and smiled.

"Because _you're _still my best friend, you know."

The effect that statement had on Shannon was instantaneous. Her eyes widened, her cheeks flushed (she was _always _blushing; Shannon sometimes wondered how her circulatory system managed to cope, considering how often her blood flow was redirected to her face), and her mouth fell open in a small 'o'.

"A-ah... J-jessica, y-you-"

But- her eyes still filled with a demonic sort of mischief- Jessica took advantage of Shannon's monetary surprise.

Moving quickly, Jessica darted forwards- and before, Shannon's brain could properly process what was going on-

Jessica placed the half-melted mess of sticky, homemade chocolately goop into Shannon's open mouth.

Jessica smiled.

"Happy early Valentine's Day."

* * *

><p><strong>an: **And now we are half-way through this fic.  
>Most of the adorableness will end now (;A;), so I hope you had enough lightfluffy shojo-ai-ish-ness in this chapter to tide you over.  
>There will be more romantic-ness scenes later, but they won't be necessarily happy/ ;A;  
>I love writing fluffy stuff between these two as well ;A;<p>

**~renahhchen xoxo**


	6. And then you broke my heart in two

**Melancholic****  
><strong>Chapter Six

'1982: And then you broke my heart in two'

* * *

><p>Time passed quickly- <em>far<em> too quickly for Shannon's liking. The happy times of winter were soon reduced to little more than fond memories; just like the promise she'd made with Battler, which seemed like almost a lifetime ago.

Following Valentine's Day, February melted into March- and it was around that time Jessica asked Shannon, smiling almost shyly, if she wanted to learn how to play the guitar. Shannon had been equal parts flattered and nervous; after all, she was clumsy (incredibly clumsy) and she hadn't wanted to embarrass herself in front of Jessica. Jessica had laughed at Shannon's worries, giving the maid a light thwack around the back of the head, as she was so wont to doing when Shannon said something ridiculous (which was more frequently than Shannon cared to admit). Shannon was almost 100% positive Jessica had developed this habit from her long-standing friendship with Mikuo. For all of Jessica's cruel words, sighs and folded arms, she really did care for that irritating boy- but she frequently had to resort to physical violence to keep him in line. It seemed like this had transferred into Jessica's friendship with Shannon, too; though Jessica never hit Shannon quite as hard as she hit Mikuo, and her light taps and jabs at Shannon's head or ribs were always accompanied with small smiles to show she didn't really mean it.

"Do you really think I'd laugh at you?" Jessica asked. "You have such a low opinion of me!"

Shannon had stuttered, shame-faced, that "n-no, I don't really think that, I-I'm just, u-um..."

"You're 'just, u-um' what? Tell meee~" Jessica wheedled, prodding Shannon in the side, in the ribs, in the stomach- making the maid squeal.

And then Shannon had looked down at her feet- her fingers buried in the folds of her skirt, even though she herself reprimanded Jessica whenever she began to pick at her skirts (but all human beings were hypocrites anyway)- and muttered, in a barely-audible mess of personal confessions and her general shy nature, "I-I don't want to look stupid in front of you..."

Jessica was already so bright, like a shooting star. Shannon felt dull in comparison- and she was sure, if she tried to learn the guitar (an instrument Jessica was already so good at), it would only widen the gulf between them; make the distance between the stars and the earth bigger than before. Shannon didn't want Jessica to laugh at her- and though she doubted she would (Jessica _was_ prone to sniggering at people, but she always tried to hold herself in whenever Shannon became visibly upset), Shannon still felt nervous.

But Jessica had only smiled.

"You won't get anywhere in life if you don't try new things."

"U-um..."

"Plus..." Jessica's voice dropped- and she began speaking in hushed tones, as though she were confessing to some great sin before the eyes of a deity. She held a finger to her lips, grinning; and Shannon couldn't help but be drawn into Jessica's theatrical performance, as moths were drawn to bright lights. "Don't tell anybody, but _**I **_sucked at guitar when I first started, too."

At these words Shannon had blinked in surprise. She'd found it hard to imagine Ushiromiya Jessica- the same girl who'd been dressed up onstage, wearing that over-sized ribbon and equally over-sized smile, playing the guitar like she'd been born to do it- could ever have been 'bad' at anything (apart from pursuits like Koi Koi and cooking; but Jessica was only 'bad' at those because she rarely put the effort in. Whenever Jessica tried- really tried- she seemed to excel).

"R-really...?"

And then Jessica had laughed again, her voice light and cheery, as she playfully prodded Shannon in the ribs.

"Of course! You don't get amazing at these things overnight! It takes practice! Practice, practice, practice- it makes perfect. Or something semi-passable, at any rate. But you've got to try, right?~"

"R-right..."

"Don't look so unsure," Jessica had scolded Shannon lightly, giving her another prod. "Playing guitar is kind of like... um... I dunno." She scrunched up her nose- as she always seemed to do when she was deep in thought. Shannon found the gesture more endearing than she probably should have done. "It's like making friends, I guess- if I want to be _totally _sappy."

Shannon had looked at Jessica questioningly, a small frown gracing her lips. Playing the guitar was like making friends? Shannon wasn't sure where Jessica was going with that comparison; and neither, it seemed, was Jessica (either that, or she was embarrassed by making such a 'sappy' comparison at all, because she was grinning sheepishly).

"You know," Jessica had tried to elaborate, throwing her arms wide. "If you don't try your best at these things- like learning new chords, or figuring out how to deal with certain people so you don't offend or upset them- then you'll fail miserably. If you just go 'it's too hard, I give up!' before you've even started you'll never be able to learn new skills- and you'll never be able to make any friends. So they're kind of similar- I guess. And you have friends, Shannon, and you don't give up on things easily- like my scarf, right?"

Shannon flushed at the reminder of her failed Franken-scarf.

"I-it wasn't very good..."

"But you still _**tried**_. The end result doesn't matter too much if you keep trying? At least you can say 'I gave it my best'. If you never tried to please people you'd be lonely, you know. Yeahhh~ Haha." And then, with that nervous laugh- a small noise that petered off into nothing- Jessica began to play with her hair (another habit of hers). "I dunno. I'm trying to make an amazing motivational speech here. Is it working?"

And, even though Jessica had been babbling- unsure of the exact meaning of the words spewing from her own mouth- it _had_ worked.

Just a little.

At that moment, Shannon decided she didn't want to stay being a shy, clumsy maid, never erring from her pre-destined path in life; always doing what was expected of her, but never anything more.

She wanted to try and shine like Jessica, too.

If you didn't try...

You'd never know.

Throughout spring and the early summer Shannon and Jessica had sat, companionably, in Jessica's room, whilst the blonde tried to teach Shannon to play her guitar- and though it was slow process (Shannon knew what she wanted to play in her head, but somehow her fingers wouldn't obey her- and the chords she tried to play back to Jessica ((even the simplest of ones)) sounded wrong), Shannon soon found herself improving, until she could play through the chromatic scale, and through some simple songs utilizing the three chords Jessica had taught her- G, C and D major. At first, Shannon's fingers had felt sore after their brief twenty minute sessions; but over time they toughened, until she barely felt the pain of picking against the strings anymore. Many times Jessica had- despite her promises ("cross my heart and hope to die!")- giggled if Shannon made mistakes; and, even though Shannon had tried, to the best of her ability, to pretend to be angry, she couldn't manage it. It was simply impossible being angry with Jessica when she was smiling so widely- and Shannon soon found herself laughing, too, even if it wasn't particularly funny being awful at something Jessica excelled at; and then, grinning, Jessica would gently correct Shannon's fingers so she could play her butchered notes properly; or, at least, 'semi-properly.'

Even if it wasn't 'perfect', it was- as Jessica had said- 'semi-passable.'

At the same time, Shannon had been trying to teach Jessica Koi Koi; and whenever Jessica sighed and said she wasn't very good at it, Shannon had reminded her- with a mischievous smile- of Jessica's own motivational speech; 'you won't improve if you don't try.' And, true to her nature, Jessica _had_ improved- until she beat Shannon at the game nine times out of ten (or maybe eight or seven times, if she was feeling generous).

And, interspaced between games of cards and guitar lessons, both girls had become closer- to the point where Shannon's attempts to clean Jessica's room turned into sleepovers, complete with pillow fights; something Shannon always assumed she was too old to do, being fifteen (but Jessica had only stuck out her tongue, and then pushed Shannon off the edge of the bed Shannon had started to question her maturity). The pair always slept together in Jessica's bed, under the same duvet- and, at first, Shannon had tried to make a nest of pillows for herself on the floor ("i-it's improper for a servant to become so close to their master..."), but Jessica had rolled her eyes, told her to stop being so stupid, then proceeded to make space for Shannon in her bed. The first time that happened Shannon's face had turned bright red (it was a simple gesture, a friendly gesture, but somehow it seemed entirely too intimate), and she had spent the most of the night with half her body hanging out of the bed, trying not get too close to Jessica.

Jessica had frowned at this- "do I have the plague or something?"- and, following their first sleepover, Shannon soon became more comfortable around Jessica. She no longer tried to edge away from the blonde- though, as Shannon soon learnt, sharing a bed with Jessica was something akin to Chinese torture. It was virtually impossible attempting to get a good night's sleep; mainly because Jessica stayed up to ungodly hours talking about this and that, or sometimes she'd be struck with the sudden urge to teach Shannon something on the guitar in the early hours of the morning- and both girls would, invariably, end up giggling; trying to stifle their noise in case anybody else heard them. Jessica's restless nature also transferred itself into her sleep, however; for even when she was dreaming she couldn't keep still. Jessica turned about in her sleep constantly, and she seemed to exert just as much- if not _more_- energy when she was sleeping than when she was awake.

Wasn't sleep meant to be a time when you _rested_?

To compound the situation, Jessica also had an unfortunate habit of stealing the duvet from Shannon when she slept- and she was completely unaware of the fact. Jessica sprawled out in her sleep, too, like some kind of blonde-haired starfish; her arms and legs tangling themselves with the bed sheets and, occasionally, with Shannon herself. That had been an awkward night; Jessica's arms wrapped round Shannon's middle, whilst Shannon lay there, frozen like an ice sculpture, unable to sleep- and unable to move, for fear she'd wake up Jessica. Luckily, Jessica had turned over of her own accord some two hours after she'd pinned Shannon in her vice-like grip; and, Shannon, with a relieved sigh, and rolled away from Jessica. She hadn't even wanted to _think_ how embarassing it would've been if Jessica had woken to find herself in such a compromising position. Would she have halted their sleepovers? Acted distant?

Somehow, Shannon knew Jessica would do neither of those things- for she was far too kind; and she valued Shannon's friendship far more than that.

Even so, Shannon couldn't help but worry; her uneasy mind beginning to turn her relationship with Jessica over and over in her mind as the blonde girl sighed and tossed and turned beside her at night, elbowing Shannon in the side with her pointed elbows and kicking the duvet away with her flailing legs.

Whenever Shannon thought of Jessica, her heart started beating faster and faster; like a hummingbird held captive in her ribcage. As a result, Shannon never got much sleep in their supposed 'sleep'overs, and she would awake the next day with pale, sunken skin and purple grooves cut under her eyes from a lack of sleep. Shannon would bumble through her chores like a zombie, her fingers faltering- and whenever she saw Jessica her mind would spin.

Jessica was, as Shannon soon discovered, very over-friendly in her sleep; pulling her pillows, the duvet, and even- on numerous occasions- Shannon into her arms; her breath ghosting against Shannon's skin as she shuffled about in a sleepy torpor. Jessica always released Shannon before she awoke- and yet Shannon couldn't stop her heart from beating faster and faster.

It was a very confusing time...

But also a happy one.

Those light-hearted months seemed to stretch on forever, as the weather became warmer and the sea lost its steely grey color in the coming of the summer time; but, as cliff faces would eventually be worn away by the waves, nothing- not even the most sturdy of 'somethings'- lasted forever.

It was sad- but that was just the way life was.

With the coming of August came another family conference.

And, once more- Battler was not there.

* * *

><p>Jessica, being a rather likable girl, had managed to befriend more maids than Shannon. She didn't talk to these other maids half as much as she conversed with Shannon- and the other maids took their roles as 'furniture' rather more seriously than Shannon did. They remained convinced servants shouldn't 'befriend' their masters- and most of the maids skirted round Jessica with trepidation, as though she had a contagious disease. After all, they didn't want to be scolded by Natsuhi.<p>

If the other maids avoided Jessica, then they downright _persecuted _Shannon, though- and sometimes Shannon couldn't help but liken herself to a 'witch' in the medieval period. On occasions, if felt like the other, younger servants were banding against her- hell-bent to 'burn the witch'; for Shannon knew she was the odd one out, being the oldest, the one supposedly 'favored' by Kinzo; and now, being the one closest to Jessica.

"It's so sad she has to hang around Jessica all the time- she's like a fly round a piece of meat," Berune had said one day- in perfect earshot of Shannon, who'd been washing the dishes.

"I know what you mean," Asune had agreed, an ugly smirk playing across her pretty face. "She's such a reject."

"I don't why Milady even_ likes_ her."

"I bet she doesn't; there's a difference between _liking _somebody and _pitying _them!"

This conversation had taken place between Berune and Asune a few days after the Ushiromiya family conference- and both of them had been in a foul mood, as Natsuhi had scolded them for not sweeping the guest rooms properly. Eva had complained to Natsuhi about the thick dust on the windowsill- and whilst it had been neither Berune nor Asune's job to clean that guest bedroom, Natsuhi had wanted to vent her anger out on somebody- anybody- as long as they were a young servant, unable to defend themselves. Unfortunately, the two youngest maids happened to stumble across Natsuhi whilst she was upset- and, like a twisted game of pass the parcel, Natsuhi had forced her anger and embarrassment upon the two younger maids for them to carry.

But Asune and Berune were too petty, and far too childish, to let the game end there.

With narrowed eyes and cruel smirks, the pair had searched for another person to pass Natsuhi's pain upon- and they had, as usual, gone directly to Shannon.

"Hahaha!~" Berune had laughed; and even though she pushed Shannon out as a magpie pushed its young from its nest (it was a witch hunt; and she'd targeted Shannon to throw her stones at), Berune was the one who had the witch-like cackle. "I feel sorry for Yasu, too, but I don't feel the need to hang around her every second of the day!"

"Maybe Jessica actually_** likes**_ that stupid, clumsy maid?" Asune had suggested innocently, all wide eyes and cruel smiles. "After all, some people like the smell of rotting meat."

"Eww!"

"I know!"

"It doesn't say much for Milady's taste, does it?"

"Hahahaha!"

"Gyhahahaha!"

Shannon hadn't said anything. She hadn't known what to say. So, instead, she stood there, her head bent, ears burning, washing the same plate under a stream of boiling water over and over and over again; rinse and repeat, rinse and repeat, never stopping. Shannon's fingers began to burn under the scalding stream of water, and it hurt; it made her bite her lower lip in pain- but she hadn't moved her fingers.

She couldn't have even if her life depended on it.

Shannon had been sure, at that moment, if she moved- if she even twitched her fingertips or closed her eyes- she would have crumbled; fallen apart into dust and cobwebs.

It had taken all of Shannon's willpower not to cry- but she couldn't show any weakness; not to those vultures.

She wanted to be strong...

She wanted so desperately to be strong.

If she was strong- if she remained impervious to the ills of the world- then maybe Battler would come back.

It was all a trial of love.

It was a trial...

And Shannon could survive a few thrown stones and sticks; she could take them, because life wasn't perfect (but sometimes she wished it was) and she could move on.

Even so, not all the maids shared the cruel attitude of Asune and Berune. There was another maid, slightly older than that childish pair, with long brown hair and dark eyes, who went by the servant name of Mammon. Mammon never outright defended Shannon from the younger maids; but sometimes she looked at Shannon with pitying eyes, and maybe that kindness was enough. Mammon herself soon grew to be rather friendly with Jessica- though their relationship was nowhere near as close as Jessica and Shannon's (for which Shannon was strangely grateful).

The day following the bitter, hate-filled exchange between Berune and Asune, Shannon found herself clearing Jessica's room with Mammon. Jessica and Mammon had struck up a conversation- just small talk, really- but it quickly turned to a subject Shannon found...

Distressing.

Jessica had been complaining about Mikuo, as was per usual for her- and sometimes Shannon wondered why she was friends with the green-haired boy at all, if she found him so very irritating. However, whenever she posed that question, Jessica had only smiled and shrugged her shoulders.

"I dunno," Jessica had always said. "It's hard to explain. You know ice-cream?"

"Yes..." Shannon had said, voice hesitant- unsure what Jessica meant by her comparison.

"Ice-cream tastes really nice at first, right?" Jessica had said, throwing her arms akimbo as she made her point. "So you eat more and more and more and- oops! You get brain freeze, or you hurt your teeth, or you feel sick."

Shannon had frowned, trying to understand the reasoning behind Jessica's strange metaphor- and Jessica had begun to laugh. She wasn't the best person at explaining things (which was probably why it was taking Shannon so very long to learn how to play the guitar), but she always tried, with that typical level of energy only Ushiromiya Jessica could possess.

"Basically, Mikuo's like ice-cream. He's fun to hang around sometimes, and he can even be quite sweet- but if you overdose, you'll get toothache. He can be a pain sometimes."

And Shannon had nodded and gone 'ah', though she still didn't understand- not really.

Shannon hadn't had many 'friends'; and she'd never found Jessica annoying. Not even when she was whining or complaining or poking her in the ribs or stealing her duvet, or sneaking hugs from her when she was half-asleep and not aware of what her limbs were doing.

Jessica was complaining about Mikuo as both Shannon and Mammon straightened up her room; and the job was fairly simple despite the amount of mess and clutter spread across Jessica's bedroom. It didn't take two maids to pick up Jessica's clothes and dust her shelves or strip her bed- but both Shannon and Mammon got along fairly well with Jessica.

"Mikuo's such a jerk," Jessica complained, swinging her legs back and forth and back and forth like metronomes.

"Oh dear," said Mammon, grinning her usual grin- all sharp edges like broken glass, made all the more cutting by her dark eyes. "What'd that moron do now?"

"He started hanging around this girl- Yowane something-or-other. She's really quiet; always sits in the library, constantly looks like she's about to cry. I feel kind of sorry for her," said Jessica off-handedly- and though the words she said were sympathetic, she didn't sound as though she cared _that_ much; not really.

The tone of Jessica's voice made Shannon pause, her lips pulling into a frown- though she didn't know why.

Jessica was... different, somehow, when she was talking with Mammon.

Crueler.

Less...

Less like herself.

"Mikuo said he hated seeing girls frown like that- and I think he was flirting with her or something, I don't know the details," Jessica continued, still using her horribly detached tone of voice that made Shannon's heart constrict. "But... well, Mikuo flirts with _everybody_. It's not like he really means it. I think he's too immature to start a relationship with **any **girl; he has a brain like a peanut. He means well, but... Well. Idiots can't help being idiots."

"I know what you mean," said Mammon, still smirking that barbed-wire-and-broken-glass smirk that really cut through Shannon's composure. "All boys our age are too immature to start working relationships. That's why I go for older guys."

"A smart move."

"I know~ It doesn't matter how old a guy is, though; or how mature. All men like maids."

"Lucky!" Jessica retorted, sticking out her lower lip in her typical childish manner. "That's totally an unfair advantage, y'know."

"Well, being a maid is sort of sucky- but there are some bright spots in it, I guess. You go all 'w-what can I do for you master?'"- and here Mammon blinked like a startled fawn, her lashes suddenly seeming very long and thick against her pale skin. She brought her hands to her chest as though she were about to swoon, her eyes roving round the room; and even though Shannon was a girl, and generally immune to the magnetic power of 'maids' most boys (apparently) fell for, she still felt a jolt of electricity run through her. "-and then the boys fawn all over you. Ha!" Mammon smirked, sharp edges again; and her flustered, nervous demeanor fell away as a snake shed its skin. "It's easy. Sooo easy."

Jessica frowned. "You've got to teach me how to do that."

"Uh uh." Mammon waved a finger in Shannon's direction. "A maid never tells her secrets; especially not a saucy, sassy maid like me! You'd steal all my potential love interests away from me! Why don't you ask Shannon about it instead?"

"I would..." said Jessica, voice hesitant. "But Shannon's not really like you."

"Heh." Mammon turned to give Shannon a critical look up and down- and even though Shannon was fully clothed, she suddenly felt very exposed. "You're right."

And then Jessica had laughed- and so had Mammon, flicking her brown hair over one shoulder in a very dismissive gesture.

Shannon flushed at that comment, looking down at the floor. She rarely felt uncomfortable in Jessica's company; but, somehow, she got the feeling Mammon and Jessica were teasing her. It was reasonably light-hearted; but Shannon felt like the odd one out all over again. A painful memory flickered to the surface of Shannon's mind; words stinging her from all sides like sewing needles.

Berune and Asune's conversation came back to hit her with full force.

_"She's just a reject."_

_"I don't know why Jessica even likes her."_

_"I bet she doesn't; there's a difference between liking somebody and pitying them."_

_"Ahahaha!"_

But that wasn't true...

I-it wasn't true...

Jessica wasn't like that.

S-she wasn't...

At least- the normal Jessica wasn't.

The Jessica sat with Mammon- grinning a grin made of stinging nettles almost indistinguishable from Mammon's- was almost like a different person; another Jessica.

A third Jessica.

She wasn't the sweet, shy girl who desperately wanted to fit in- to meet the expectations of her mother, her classmates and her own high standards.

She wasn't the bright, vibrant girl who played the guitar with a wide smile and pulled Shannon into over-enthusiastic hugs that nearly sent both girls toppling over like bowling pins.

She was different.

People had so many different sides; so many faces- and so many components to their characters they were strange, almost_ scary._

Shannon hadn't seen that particular face of Jessica's character before.

"So what did Mikuo do to poor Yowane?" asked Mammon, shooing Jessica aside so she could take a seat beside her on the bed. "I can already imagine- but, y'know, gossip is gossip."

"It's pretty similar to what you're surely thinking," said Jessica, shrugging. "He made some promises to her- stupid stuff; everything Mikuo says is stupid. And Yowane took it too seriously. And..."

Mammon grinned; a smirk splitting across her face like the crack in an eggshell.

"I never want to be a girl like that," said Mammon. "Placing so much faith in a guy... it's beyond ridiculous."

"Tell me about it," Jessica agreed, rolling her eyes. "It's so stupid. Boys say lots of things they don't mean."

"And their promises are completely worthless."

Those words- so cold, so unfeeling, so completely unlike Jessica- cut into Shannon's heart like brambles.

She waited for Jessica to smile; to say she didn't mean it- she'd never say a cruel thing like that.

And...

Jessica _was _smiling.

But it wasn't a kind smile.

It was a tear across her face; a gash; a cut; a cruel smirk made of glass and needles and things that cut- things that hurt- that echoed Mammon's perfectly.

It was a smile that cut into Shannon's dreams-

_"I'll come back for you on a white horse."_

-and tore them out of her chest.

That smile was fingers with sharp nails that pushed past papery skin surrounding Shannon's fragile beat-beat-beating heart (skipping nervously like a baby bird's); enclosing around the soft, childish feelings of love based on promises and fairytales that had sprouted tenderly, so tenderly, in Shannon's chest-

_"I promise."_

-but it was the laughter, the cruel laughter from both Jessica and Mammon, that gave those fingers and those pointed, raking nails enough strength to tear those roots of love right out.

I-it was true that Battler hadn't arrived...

But that didn't mean he'd _never _come back.

Shannon knew real life wasn't a fairytale- she knew that only too well- but she_ couldn't_ believe Battler would lie to her.

_And then Battler smiled. He was only a child- not even a teenager yet- and still had that unruly hair that wouldn't lie flat no matter how much you brushed it, and one of his knees was scraped from some argument with Jessica earlier, his pants stained with dirt; but, at that moment he looked like the most mature person Shannon had ever seen._

But Jessica didn't stop laughing.

That laugh tore through Shannon's precious memories like fingernails; reducing Shannon's carefully-nurtured fantasies, her hopes and dreams and love love love (because Shannon loved so much it was dribbling out of her heart, oozing from her mouth until it choked her and she couldn't breathe) into fine ribbons.

Shannon wasn't a...

She wasn't a 'stupid girl', was she?

She wasn't clinging onto a dream, right...?

Battler hadn't come back- he hadn't, not that year- but that didn't mean he'd_ never_ come back.

_"I don't why Jessica even __**likes**__ her."_

Shannon felt her heart hammer in her chest; pressing against her ribs until it felt they were going to splinter.

_"It's so stupid. Boys say lots of things they don't mean."_

Her breathing came out in short, shallow gasps.

_"I'll definitely come back."_

She felt bile rise in her mouth and she couldn't stop it.

_"There's a difference between liking somebody and pitying them."_

She was going to be sick.

_"It's a promise."_

Worse- she was going to cry.

_"And their promises are completely __worthless__."_

* * *

><p><strong>an: **;A;  
>More depressingness will occur later, have fun.<br>I feel I did the final part kind of shoddily- like, I didn't focus on Shannon's /emoshuns/ enough and it feels kind of superficial- especially after I spent so long building Shannon and Jessie's friendship :/  
>But I will delve into her feelings more and more in later chapters, so...<p>

**~renahhchen xoxo**


	7. And I began to see

**Melancholic****  
><strong>Chapter Seven

'1982: And I began to see'

* * *

><p>"Hey... Are you okay?"<p>

Shannon sat on the edge of Jessica's bed, her eyes more downcast than a wet April day, staring at her hands in her lap. Shannon coiled her fingers together over and over again- making no movement, not even flinching, as her fingernails dug into skin.

It didn't matter.

The pain she felt in her hands was irrelevant- almost laughable- when compared to the pain Jessica and Mammon's words had caused her a few days ago. Shannon wasn't a particularly strong person- she wanted to make other people happy, her whole life was based around pleasing others and all their opinions _mattered_ (far more than her opinions and feelings did, because Shannon was only a maid)- and, whilst she'd developed a resistance to the teasing of the other maids, Shannon had never...

She'd never had to defend herself against_ Jessica _before.

Jessica had said something cruel, something thoughtless; and whilst it was true Jessica hadn't understood what impact her words would have on Shannon, and it was true Jessica hadn't been acting out of any real malice (rather, it was a desire to talk to somebody who would listen; and Mammon, despite her cruel broken-glass smiles that could've drawn blood, was a_ person_, and she would listen, and that was enough).

There had been no hate behind Jessica's words.

Jessica had not been trying to be cruel.

After all, Jessica would never have tried to hurt Shannon on purpose.

Shannon's mind did tend to wander, and whilst she did question the nature of 'people' from time to time- what did it mean to be 'good'? What did it mean to be 'bad'? Weren't the lines blurred? Nothing was black and white; and if the culprit in a mystery novel had a sufficient whydunnit, couldn't you sympathize with them? Did you _have_ to hate them? Or did the crimes they'd committed outweigh any good points they might have possessed?- Shannon had never questioned Jessica.

She'd_ never_ question her friend.

She'd trusted Jessica.

And Jessica hurt her.

Jessica's words had cut far sharper than any knife could- digging right through Shannon's flesh and embedding themselves in her heart; her fragile heart filled with fairytale happy endings and wistful dreams and love, so much love, until it all oozed out of wounds on her body like blood beading round wounds. All of a sudden, Shannon wished she'd never become so close to Jessica- never gave her that scarf or helped her make those chocolates or watched her play onstage with her face wreathed in smiles, bathed in light- because having _friends_ meant having blind sides where people you trusted (people you _cared _about) could strike at you with thoughtless words that didn't mean much to them-

But meant everything to you.

Maybe being blind to the world was better than being hurt by it...

Jessica was a kind girl- a boisterous, blustering shell that enclosed a soft, sweet centre- and Shannon was glad she'd been so close to Jessica; was glad she'd made a friend; and she didn't _really _wish she'd never become closer to her, but...

People were like hedgehogs.

The closer you got, the more they hurt you.

And, most of the time, they didn't even realize they were doing it.

It was just human nature.

Natural.

And _painful._

It hurt...

It hurt to breathe.

Shannon could only sit on the side of Jessica's bed, her fingernails dig dig digging into her palms- her mind swimming, her heart thumping.

Jessica gave Shannon a worrying look- and then the blonde took the guitar from her lap, placing it on the floor. Normally, Jessica was more careful with her guitar- it was her pride and joy, and even though she'd had to buy it from Miku second hand for a fraction of its usual price she'd saved up to buy it herself, with her own money ("because mom would _never _let me do something so 'unladylike'; for her, it's like, violin or piano or nothing, and the violin isn't that bad, but it really hurts your shoulder after a while. I'm aiming to be the next Jimmi Hendrix!" Jessica had said once, her eyes shining, and Shannon had laughed). However, Jessica's care for her guitar had been sidetracked, somewhat, by Shannon's unresponsive nature.

Jessica... _did _care.

Shannon could tell, by the way her eyes softened, she smiled gently, and said- her voice so soothing, so unlike her usual tones, that she could've been singing a small baby to sleep- "Hey, Shannon... What's wrong?"

Shannon flinched- her fingernails biting into the palm of her hand with more force than before.

Shannon wanted to tell Jessica; she really did. She'd told Jessica everything; how she felt shy around crowds of people, how the other maids would tease her, how she sometimes felt inferior to Jessica because she was only a _maid…_

But, no- Shannon hadn't told Jessica _everything._

She hadn't told her about Battler.

That was **Shannon's** promise- _her_ secret, between herself and Battler and nobody else, because nobody else would realize just hw much it meant to Shannon- and Shannon knew Jessica, even though she was her best friend, wouldn't understand the magnitude of that promise from two years ago (_"they say things they don't mean"_)-

Shannon didn't want Jessica to laugh at her.

Shannon could withstand the cruel words and taunting smiles of the other maids, but if Jessica started mocking her too…

Shannon didn't think she could handle it.

"Shannon," Jessica continued- her voice still soft, gentle, almost tender. Maybe Natsuhi had spoken to Jessica in those very same tones when Jessica was younger; but if she had Shannon had never heard it- Natsuhi's voice was always so cold, so prickly, it was difficult imagining her acting 'maternal'. But Jessica must have learnt those comforting tones from somewhere. "You've been acting sort of... distant... for a while."

Shannon debated replying for a while. As she did so, the silence between the pair dragged and dragged- until it was almost unbearable. The heavy, oppressive weight of silence fell upon Shannon's shoulders; making her feel short of breath, almost dizzy. Her fingers trembled all the more. She knew she couldn't leave Jessica sat there, waiting for an answer; not when Jessica _cared_ so much.

Too much.

But if you trusted people with all your heart and soul- if you tried to embrace a hedgehog- you'd get hurt.

You'd be almost _**inviting **_somebody to take advantage of you.

You'd be inviting pain.

Needles would be driven through your chest and heart and mouth so you couldn't even scream – and then you'd bleed to death.

"I-I..." Shannon stuttered, still stabbing her fingernails against her flesh; almost as if she were trying to remind herself she wasn't dreaming (why would she ever dream about being so uncomfortable around Jessica?) "I-I haven't... really..."

Jessica only sighed.

Then- moving as if in slow motion- Jessica reached forwards, and pulled Shannon's intertwined fingers (linked together as intricately as metal chains- but Shannon shuddered when Jessica's hands brushed against hers, and the chain links grew slack) and pulled them apart. There were small, off-white, crescent-moon shaped grooves embedded into the palm of Shannon's left hand, where she'd been lancing her own skin with her fingernails. It was a good job Shannon's nails were relatively short (tending to long nails whilst trying to mop the floors or dust shelves would've been an unnecessary nuisance; and long nails would only have become chipped, broken and infested with grime), or she could have drawn blood.

Shannon looked at Jessica with wide- almost nervous- eyes, her heart thumping in her chest as Jessica's hand caught hers; as Jessica took hold of her hand and didn't let go.

Jessica's face was set with determination; stubborn and obstinate and, above all, _caring._

"I don't know what's wrong, but you've been acting distant ever since the family conference," said Jessica, her blue eyes staring intently into Shannon's.

Shannon squirmed; it felt as though Jessica was trying to crack open her head and get to all her confused thoughts inside, as a vulture would feed on a carcass; but it _wasn't _that, Shannon knew, it_** wasn't**_ that at all.

Jessica wasn't like that.

Jessica wasn't like Mammon.

Jessica was worried, and she was maybe just a little bit scared, and she wanted to help.

"Did mom scold you or something?" Jessica continued to speak, a small frown passing across her lips. "Is that why you've been avoiding me...?"

"I-I haven't been avoiding you-"

"But the last few times I tried to talk to you, you'd say you were busy, or you had something else to do, or... or..." Jessica's face contorted through a series of pained emotions, her voice trembling like the frail body of one who was terminally ill. "O-or, sometimes you wouldn't even make any excuses at all; y-you'd just turn around and _leave_ and n-not even say why! W-what's wrong? Did _I _do something wrong?"

Jessica's words were like spines to Shannon's heart; each one hitting her with more intensity than the last.

Jessica's skin was too pale, and her body was quaking, and her eyes... Her dark blue eyes looked suspiciously misty; and Shannon couldn't help but worry, with another stab of guilt, that Jessica was going to cry.

Shannon had been so wrapped up in her own problems she hadn't noticed Jessica.

And, at the same time, Shannon had thought Jessica was blind to _her_ sorrows..

But Shannon was the one who'd been really blind; it was _**always **_Shannon who was the blind one.

Jessica was far more perceptive than Shannon gave her credit for (a lot,_ lot_ more)- and Jessica _wasn't_ blind to other people's emotions in the same way Shannon was, because Jessica had been around people for most of her life and she'd tried to fit in, she'd tried her best, even if trying to amalgamate herself with 'normal' people her age was like trying to a bash the wrong piece of a jigsaw puzzle into another's place; and Shannon hadn't even realized how upset she was making Jessica because she was selfish- horribly, horribly selfish.

Shannon had thought she'd moved on- she thought she'd grown up- but she was _still_ living in a world comprised of herself and Battler and that promise made more than two years ago.

In her own sorrow, she'd shut Jessica out.

She hadn't wanted Jessica to hurt her anymore.

But Shannon hadn't quite realized she, herself, held the ability to hurt Jessica in return.

It was... surprising.

Almost _scary._

Shannon was a lowly maid- and she _shouldn't_ have held that much power over Ushiromiya Jessica.

She shouldn't have been able to make her _cry._

_Nobody_ should have been able to make Jessica cry.

Shannon had begun to liken human beings to hedgehogs ever since she saw Mammon's barbed wire smile that cut and stung through fragile fairytales, but she hadn't realized_ she_ had spikes of her own. She'd become too close to Jessica; and friendship was a two-way thing, wasn't it, because if Jessica could hurt Shannon surely Shannon- when she tried to pull away, tried to extract her own spikes and spines and roots of firm, fast-growing friendship and love (there was so much love; and Shannon was good at loving people foolishly, with all her heart, without thinking about it first) out of Jessica's heart, she hadn't been able to.

She'd done it clumsily.

So Jessica had hurt Shannon.

And Shannon had hurt Jessica in return.

_That_ was the result of friendship.

The real result.

But...

Shannon knew that wasn't the _**only **_result of friendship. There was more to human company than pain; and friendship could spawn so many other wonderful memories, like light-hearted snowball fights and late night sleepovers and the warmth of another's touch.

The love in another's heart.

There was more to friendship- more to human relationships- than being hurt and getting hurt.

There was being loved.

And loving in return.

Too many times had Jessica comforted Shannon, trying to give her motivational talks to boost her morale, trying to force her to do new things because "it's not_** that **_scary if you only try"- and now Shannon knew she had to comfort Jessica.

It was true, yes, that Shannon had been trying to move away from her friend (her only friend) because... Because Shannon was still horribly selfish and childish and thought only of herself, and she was scared of being hurt and she wanted to cling onto her fairytale dreams just a little longer; but there was more to life than Ushiromiya Battler, and there were more types of 'love' than the 'love' she had shared between Battler two years ago, and if the thorns of friendship embedded in Jessica's skin had cut too deep then Shannon couldn't possibly try to pull away.

She wanted to.

She wanted to pull away more than ever.

But you couldn't destroy two years of friendship just like that; no more than Shannon would let Jessica's casual, throwaway comment destroy two years of her budding love for Ushiromiya Battler.

It was a trial of love- and now, a trial of friendship- and Shannon didn't want to lose.

She still... wanted to see the world for what it was...

Even if it hurt her.

Those thoughts rushed through Shannon's mind in a matter of seconds- all mixed up with doubts and fears and the desperate desire to run, she wasn't _that_ strong, that all this love would kill her and corrode her heart to twisted metal and ash- but Shannon had already made up her mind; and she liked to think her face was determined, and not shy at all, as she pulled Jessica into a warm hug.

Jessica started as Shannon's arms wrapped round her middle; and Shannon swore she could hear Jessica's heart beating (or maybe it was hers; she couldn't tell).

"S-shannon...?"

"I'm sorry," Shannon muttered into Jessica's shoulder; and she was glad Jessica couldn't see her expression, because she was sure she was blushing. "I'm sorry... I-I didn't want to hurt your feelings... I-I just wasn't thinking properly; I wasn't thinking about you. I was being selfish."

Jessica continued to tremble for a while, a leaf in the breeze, as Shannon hugged her close- but, after a short pause, Jessica gave a small sniff, and all but melted into Shannon's embrace.

When Jessica next spoke her voice was muted, fragmented, and maybe a little bit shy- but she no longer sounded as though she were about to burst into tears.

And that was a good thing.

That was…

That was good.

Shannon didn't want Jessica to cry.

Not now; not ever.

"I-it's... It's okay..." Jessica said quietly; her words as soft as cherry blossoms landing on the ground. "A-all people do selfish things... from time to time... I-if there's something seriously wrong with you... M-maybe it's selfish of me... t-to bother you about it..."

"It's not selfish," said Shannon consolingly. "_**You're**_ not a selfish person. _I_ am."

"Shannon... D-don't be too hard on yourself. We're all human."

Human.

Jessica was a human.

But wasn't Shannon furniture?

…No.

Furniture… didn't have the capacity to feel so much pain.

So much love.

Shannon- gave a shaky nod…

And then she smiled.

"Y-yeah… We're all human…"

"Nobody's perfect," Jessica replied- and Shannon could hear the smile in her words, bright and illuminating, like fields of sunflowers. "N-nobody. But we can try, right?"

Jessica began to pull away from Shannon's embrace- and Shannon was left with a sudden, cold feeling of loss as Jessica's trembling form no longer pressed itself against her; tried to find protection in her arms.

Jessica's hair was messier than usual, and her skin was pale, and her eyes were rimmed with red that suggested tears; but, with a shaky motion, Jessica drew her sleeve across her face, trying to catch any stray tears that had escaped from her eyes.

When Jessica finally set her arm back down in her lap, she was smiling, ever so softly.

This Jessica seemed frail, somehow. Fragile. Doll-like. This was the girl Jessica had sung about at the cultural festival; the _shy_ girl, the awkward girl, the scared girl, who tried to hide behind a barrier- tried to plough forward in life despite her faults and fears, even though she wished, deep down, she could show her real self to somebody.

This Jessica was nervous and jumpy and easily embarrassed; a little bit unsure of herself, and just a little bit melancholy.

Maybe a little jaded.

But that small, barely-there smile, lacking in confidence even though Jessica was trying (trying so hard) to convince Shannon, to convince herself, everything was alright, was perhaps the most dazzling thing about Jessica Shannon had ever seen.

Shannon felt her cheeks flush light pink despite herself; because, in that moment, as the dim overhead lighting played across Jessica's face, Shannon swore...

She'd never seen anybody- or anything- quite so beautiful.

Shannon's heart beat faster and her thoughts began to race; her fingertips trembled, and she wasn't sure whether she wanted to pull Jessica closer or try to run away (far, far away) from this sickening, dizzying, almost electrifying mix of emotions she'd never quite experienced like_ that _before-

But Shannon had already made up her mind, hadn't she?

She'd said she wasn't going to run.

She'd said...

But even Shannon, with her limited knowledge of how 'friends' interacted with one another, knew _this _was more than a simple 'friendship'.

It was far more.

It was...

S-she was half afraid to admit it, even to herself- and the nervous thump-thump-thumping of that hummingbird heart locked up in her chest began to increase, beating its wings faster and faster- but...

But...

Then Jessica began to laugh- her old, bright, cheerful self again- and the spell was shattered.

"I'm sorry," Jessica apologized, grinning her mischievous grin- that was both a relief and, at the same time, a crushing disappointment. "I was being silly. Kind of hormonal. I guess I'm getting to that horrible awkward teenager-y phase. I was trying to avoid it, 'cause I don't want to be crying over every little thing like mom, but..." Jessica shrugged. "What're you going to do?"

Shannon could only nod- amazed at how quickly the transformation had taken place.

It was as if this Jessica were a completely different girl.

"Hey, Shannon~" said Jessica, snaring a pillow within the cage of her smiles- resting her chin atop of it whilst smiling at Shannon. "You should stay here for the night. Y'know. Like you used to- because we're _**friends**_."

Shannon flushed slightly at the stress Jessica placed on the last word; 'friends'.

They _were_ friends; they'd engaged in childish snowball fights and given each other Christmas presents, they giggled over inconsequential things and tried to comfort one another when they were feeling upset- but friends didn't blush or stutter from the slightest contact with skin, and whilst Shannon poured her soul into everything she did, it wasn't normal for 'friends' to feel such love for each other, was it?

It wasn't normal...

Shannon wanted to be 'normal'. She wanted to fit in with the other maids; she wanted to be good at her tasks; she hated being singled out all the time- by the others and their snide comments, by Natsuhi and her short temper, and (apparently) by Kinzo and his 'favoritism' towards her that had resulted in her obtaining her own room.

Shannon knew befriending Jessica was fairly abnormal- even unheard of- for a young servant like herself; it was out of place, out of line, and it was a wonder Natsuhi hadn't scolded her about that (or maybe Natsuhi herself had realized how lonely Jessica was, and didn't want to upset her daughter further. Despite being very authoritarian, almost draconian, Natsuhi was a kind mother who truly had the best intentions, and Jessica's best interests at heart).

But Shannon's friendship with Jessica seemed to have evolved into something beyond that- and she wasn't sure how, or why, and Shannon didn't know what to do.

It would have been cowardly to run away; but the image of Jessica, sprawled out in her sleep with her arms round Shannon's middle, was enough to make the maid flush red.

"U-um..." Shannon said, her heart stuttering just as badly as her sputtering heartbeat. "T-that's true, but-"

"No 'buts'," said Jessica; and though her voice was light, Shannon caught a definite hint of... was that _hurt?_... lining her words.

"I-I know, but Jessica-"

"I only just got you back," Jessica interjected; and her smile began to waver, slightly, into something that tugged at Shannon's heart in the most peculiar of ways. "I feel like we've been drifting apart for a few days, and I just got you back. Don't..." Jessica sighed- a horribly earnest sound; completely truthful. "Don't leave me again."

It wasn't a request; far from it.

Jessica's voice was desperate.

And it was _pleading._

The spines had been driven in too deeply- the roots of love had dug too deep, cut too far, into Jessica's heart- and Shannon could see it (all that raw emotion, all that pain) that sparkled in Jessica's eyes despite her small smile.

It was too late.

Shannon...

Couldn't turn around now.

She'd gone too far.

"I-I won't leave you..." said Shannon- and when she spoke her mouth felt dry, her words turned to ashes in her throat.

"Do you promise?" asked Jessica, almost shyly; looking up at Shannon from under her eyelashes. The light continued to play across her pale skin, bars of light flickering through her blonde hair- turning it golden.

Shannon nodded.

She felt light-headed, breathless- and hadn't this scene happened before? Not between two shy girls trying to cling onto a falling-apart friendship before it cut them both so badly it bled, but between a younger boy and a younger girl, two children, who were innocent and naïve to the ways of the world.

_"They always say things they don't mean."_

Jessica had said that.

And maybe Jessica herself realized promises weren't concrete, and nothing lasted forever- but even she (the confident, self-assured Ushiromiya Jessica) sometimes wanted to pretend real life would be okay and everything would end happily.

Sometimes, even Jessica...

"I promise."

...wanted to believe in promises like that.

Even if she really didn't hold much faith in them at all.

* * *

><p>"Shannon..."<p>

Shannon rolled over to look at Jessica. The blonde girl was half-asleep, her eyelashes fluttering closed against her skin every few seconds- even though she was trying, desperately, to keep her eyes open. It was a strange sight; usually, Jessica was so full of energy. However, Jessica's near brush with childish tears seemed to have drained her; and she'd been happy, for most of the evening, to just talk idly about anything and everything under the stars with Shannon, not putting too much meaning behind her words.

Relief.

Shannon had seen _relief_ in Jessica's face more than anything. Relief that she still had somebody to talk to. That somebody would still listen to her incoherent, sometimes unintelligible, babblings. Shannon doubted Mammon would do such a thing; that brown-haired, cruel-eyed maid was more suited to share gossip with, rather than hopes or dreams or secrets.

Things like that could be torn apart too easily by carless words.

Gossip was different.

Gossip wasn't as personal.

Mammon was a realist.

Jessica was a realist too; but not all the time.

When Jessica was with Shannon, she seemed to dream more; and her face would light up, and she'd laugh like the child she'd never had a chance to be, owing to her strict upbringing.

Jessica had been so relieved that Shannon hadn't pulled away from her- that those painful spikes of friendship were still embedded into her heart (because trying to pull glass out of a wound hurt even more than when the glass entered skin, didn't it?)- that Jessica had been reduced to a sleepy state far more quickly than usual.

When Jessica spoke Shannon's name her voice had been slurred, almost lost in a haze of sleep; but it was important, Shannon knew, because Jessica was struggling (really struggling) to keep her eyes open.

"What is it?" Shannon asked, her brown eyes flickering over Jessica's rumpled form.

Jessica's arms were curled round her pillow, her hair untied, curling about her shoulders. Her eyes were startlingly blue- so much like Battler's; _just_ like them, in fact.

Jessica was so pretty...

"W-why..." Jessica paused, her words engulfed by a yawn. "W-why... did you stop being my friend...?"

Shannon felt her heart freeze in her chest, as the sleepy Jessica blinked owlishly at her from above her pillow.

"W-what do you mean...?"

"I mean... W-when we were younger..." Jessica's words were still thick, syrupy- punctuated with yawns, as her lashes fell closed once more. "W-we used to be so close... You an' me an' George... An' Battler." Jessica frowned. "And then... Then you stopped."

"I stopped?"

"Y-you started hanging out with Battler more... W-whenever he was over, you always... always with_ him_. A-and then you stopped talking to me, too; even when Battler wasn't there. Y-you'd... Look away... W-walk away... Whenever... Whenever I tried to talk to you... A-and I didn't know what I'd done wrong..." sleep-slurred Jessica; her words thick with a childish kind of hurt and confusion the young, eight or nine year old Jessica must have felt when Shannon (her best friend) began to become more distant.

Each word- each stammer, each stutter, and every pause for breath- caught Shannon in the heart; a horrible, crushing kind of guilt grinding the ice-cold beat-beat-beating of her hummingbird heart underfoot.

How long had Jessica been stuck with that loneliness?

How long had she tried to get Shannon's attention- before (in a direct contrast to her own beliefs, "if you don't try you'll never succeed") she'd given up?

How long had Shannon been blind to just_ how_ much Jessica was hurting?

Shannon had been sure (or maybe she'd never been sure- she just tried to convince herself, to spin herself lies, because she hadn't wanted to think about it too much; she hadn't wanted to feel cruel) that the root of friendship between herself and Jessica had grown tentatively, over the past two years- but she was wrong.

She'd been deluding herself.

Those roots had always been there.

And, one day- her eyes so filled with love for Battler, and her head belegaured with the guilt she shouldn't have become so close to him (but she could sever bonds with everyone else; would that make her love acceptable?)- Shannon had pulled those roots out of Jessica's heart in a bloody, painful mess.

Jessica had been hurting.

Just... how long had Jessica been turning their past friendship- their earlier- friendship over in her mind...?

Shannon didn't know what to say.

She didn't know if there were any words she_ could_ say.

"J-jessica..."

"D-don't leave me alone again..."

There was a small flurry of movement, as Jessica squeezed her pillow round the middle with more force- but, evidently, she decided that wasn't enough; it wasn't comforting _enough_. Jessica threw her pillow aside- and though her movements were slow and awkward, as though she were moving through water, she managed to cast it aside with little difficulty.

Jessica's voice was more urgent, more frantic, when she next spoke; and her previous sleep-induced haze seemed to have cleared, somewhat, in the face of her newfound panic.

"I-I was only a child, I-I didn't know what I'd done wrong... A-and I was convinced it was my fault, but-"

"It wasn't your fault," said Shannon firmly, her voice cutting through Jessica's babble. "It wasn't. It was mine."

"...Shannon."

"W-what?"

Shannon was just a little unnerved to find Jessica's eyes were open once more; dark blue staring intently (far more intently than they should have done, considering Jessica's half-asleep state) into her own.

"Shannon," Jessica repeated- frowning, fumbling for words. Choosing words was a delicate craft- and Jessica wasn't known for her gentle nature. "Shannon, did you... fall in love with Battler...?"

Shannon felt her cheeks flush at that question. Had she really been that obvious?

She prepared herself to deny it- to say it wasn't true (it was wrong and improper and servants weren't meant to love their masters, it was her secret; it was meant to be a secret)- but Jessica's small, knowing smile stopped her. So, instead, Shannon paused; and swallowed her words.

Jessica wouldn't care if it was 'improper'. Jessica was, after all, the girl who invited her own servant into her bed for girlish sleepovers; of course she wouldn't care.

Jessica may have been an Ushiromiya, but she wasn't her mother.

She wasn't 'stuck up', as the people in her class had said.

She wasn't that at all.

And, all of a sudden, Shannon felt rather guilty for assuming- even for a few seconds- Jessica _would_ be upset; as if she'd betrayed Jessica's trust.

Instead of lies and blatant denials, what came from Shannon's lips was- instead- the truth.

"Y-yes... I did..."

"Did?" Jessica asked curiously. "Don't you anymore?"

The answer should have been simple; a simple answer for a simple question. But, as Shannon opened her mouth- the words... wouldn't come...

Why had she used the past tense?

It was true, she _had_ loved Battler- and she thought she still did (if she didn't, why did it hurt so much when he didn't come back? Why did she lie awake every night and wish upon shooting stars for his return?)- but they'd been young when they made that promise; and Shannon felt like she'd matured a lot since then.

Her life wasn't solely focused around Battler anymore.

There was Jessica, too.

Jessica, who was so soft and shy yet bright and bouncy too, who pushed Shannon along when she faltered and always tried to cheer her up; who looked so very beautiful it made Shannon's heart freeze- and Shannon was jealous of her, envious, and yet...

She cared about Jessica.

She really did.

She loved her.

Her heart didn't solely belong to Battler...

So how could she answer that question?

Shannon closed her eyes; ashamed of herself for even doubting her own feelings (but wasn't it natural humans questioned themselves; didn't everybody feel like that from time to time?)

"I-I don't know..."

And then Shannon felt herself being drawn into a hug- a warm embrace much like before, except this time it was Jessica with her arms round her, Jessica's breath ghosting across her face and Jessica's arms protecting Shannon from the fears and uncertainties of the outside world; encased in the bed covers and surrounded by Jessica's arms.

"It's okay not to know... Love is a scary thing. Especially with an idiot like Battler. That'd be pre~tty terrifying," said Jessica, smiling. "I-I can forgive a girl in love... for acting a little selfish..."

Shannon felt her face flush, as Jessica prodded with her ribs with one of her fingers.

"But _don't _leave me behind again, okay?" said Jessica sternly- her voice suddenly sombre, although she prodded Shannon a few more times to emphasize her point. "Don't. Or I'll cry. And that won't be a pretty sight."

Shannon couldn't help but return Jessica's smile; even though her heart was beating so quickly it felt like it was going to burst.

"I-I won't. I already promised."

"_Good_."

Shannon shifted awkwardly, as Jessica's eyelashes pressed together; a curtain of inky black that seemed darker, somehow, in the still silence of Jessica's room.

"U-um, Jessica..." said Shannon hesitantly, after a few seconds had ticked past. "W-would you let me go?"

Shannon didn't expect Jessica to reply; she was half-convinced Jessica had fallen asleep. But, after her nervous, stuttered question, a mischievous smile began to twitch at the side of Jessica's lips; and when she answered, her voice was stern.

"No."

"B-b-but-"

"I won't let you leave," Jessica continued, her voice deadly serious despite her smile. "I'm making sure you keep your promise- the only way I know how."

* * *

><p><strong>an: **these two are so friggin adorable I don't even XD  
>Huh. You know what's going to happen in the next family conference though, don't you? ;A;<p>

**~renahhchen xoxo**


	8. The lonely girl all along

**Melancholic****  
><strong>Chapter Eight

'1982: The lonely girl all along'

* * *

><p>Time moved forwards- as it always did- in a winding river; at times seeming to flow too fast, in rapids and sudden streams of water- and other times drying under the sunlight to a sparse trickle, going much too slowly.<p>

Summer changed to fall.

Fall became winter.

And winter became spring once more- all of it rushing past Shannon in a whirl of color, a rush of emotions; happy times and not so happy times and pain and confusion and hopes and dreams and promises all mixed up together.

Sometimes, Shannon felt her heart was too small to contain all the emotions she felt.

How could one girl feel so very many things at once?

It… was almost painful.

And it was a wonder Shannon hadn't split at the seams.

Following Jessica's puppy eyes and constant whining that "you've gotta come to my cultural festival again this year, please, please please please, I'll be your best friend! Not that I'm not already- but y'know!" Shannon had soon found herself roped into attending Jessica's cultural festival for the second time (and, as Shannon quickly learnt, she'd cave to almost all of Jessica's demands fairly quickly if the blonde kept asking her enough. Shannon lacked the ability to say 'no', and Jessica lacked the ability to stop asking- so why Shannon even bothered trying to refuse to begin with, she didn't know.

Jessica would always win.

Especially when, each and every time she was with the blonde girl- her best friend- Shannon's heartbeat would speed up and sometimes she'd forget how to breathe; because she cared about Jessica so much it could have crippled her.

She cared about her more than she could even begin to describe or explain; even within the confines of her own head.

Then again…

'Love' didn't make sense- and it was impossible to explain, even for some of the most articulate of people).

Prior to Jessica's culture festival the blonde had been in high spirits- sharing her secret with Shannon with a smile and a wink, a finger to her lips as she said "don't tell mom… But I'm _definitely _going to be a maid this year; and I'm gonna make sure Shiho doesn't screw everything up this time."

"Why are you so excited about being a maid?" Shannon had asked, laughing. "It's not very much fun- let me assure you."

"Maybe I feel a little left out that all the girls I know my age are maids," Jessica replied, returning Shannon's laugh with a light-hearted one of her own. "Maybe this'll make me fit in more? Or maybe I can understand just how much hard work you have to do, Shannon! Maybe I could be a better maid than _you!_"

"Maybe you could. I'm still so clumsy…" Shannon muttered, looking down at her fingers- pouting.

"What you lack in strength you make up for in heart!~" Jessica had said, clapping Shannon on the back. "I dunno what that even means, really- but it seems fitting. So cheer up, okay!"

"Y-you're so ridiculous…" Shannon said- but she'd been giggling; her short spell of grief all-but gone- like the sunlight made puddles on the sidewalk evaporate. "B-but you're very sweet…"

"That's me!" Jessica beamed, jabbing her thumb against her chest. "Hey, I'm a little worried, though."

"Why are you worried?"

"I never dressed up like a maid before! Maybe I need to practice!"

"I-it's not difficult wearing _clothes_; you've been doing that all your life!"

"I know- but maid outfits are different! They must have some sort of pulling power about them- 'cause boys are all obsessed with them. What if I suddenly become so adorable I give poor, unsuspecting people heart attacks? I need to find out! Shannon, let me try on your clothes!"

"N-no! G-get off!" Shannon squealed- as Jessica suddenly began assaulting her, prodding her sides; even managing to pull her hat from her head. "K-kyah! T-that tickles!"

And so- for fear Jessica would pout and claimed Shannon had 'ruined her _life_' if she didn't- Shannon had attended the café made by Jessica's class; and she'd sat there by herself, feeling a little awkward, as a smiling Jessica dressed in a black and white ruffled dress and matching cap had taken her orders.

Telling Jessica what she wanted to eat had made Shannon's face turn scarlet; and she'd had to bury her face in her menu to hide her embarrassment from everybody else- which had only made Jessica laugh even more.

Even though Jessica supposedly been the 'maid', and Shannon had been attired in her casual clothes, Jessica had still- undoubtedly- been in charge.

Jessica could push Shannon's buttons, get under her skin, in a way nobody else could; even when dressed up as a maid, with her blonde hair done in two stubby, curly plaits rather than her usual ponytail.

It had been obvious Jessica was having fun, though; so much fun- that Shannon couldn't help but smile with her, despite her red face and trembling heart.

And- finally, after a year of waiting- Shannon had finally been able to sample Jessica's hand made cake; which, whilst it hadn't been that good (Shannon, with her limited skills in the kitchen, could have baked better), Shannon had savoured its all-too-floury, lumpy texture as though it were the most delicious thing she'd ever tried.

The maid café had not been the only 'attraction' Jessica had been involved in, though.

Shannon had watched Jessica play her guitar and sing again, much like last year- and she had stared in awe as Jessica stood on the stage with her band mates, her face wreathed with smiles and her voice pitch-perfect. _**That **_Jessica- the one who played her guitar with such energy and addressed the crowd before her cheerfully and dressed up with that over-sized hair ribbon- shone like a star.

That Jessica was as bright as a star- and almost as untouchable as one.

Shannon couldn't even brush that Jessica with her fingertips- no matter how far she extended her hand, and no matter how much she stretched out her arm.

But, if Shannon tilted her head back twenty degrees, she could still stare up into the sky and wish that, someday, she could be as bright as Ushiromiya Jessica too.

Jessica's performance that year had been a little different from the previous years, however; for, whilst the song line-up had changed completely, all five songs were of the same generic happy, cheerful type.

Jessica didn't play 'Melancholic' again.

She didn't play any slower, sadder songs at all.

Maybe it was because Jessica didn't want to look vulnerable; because that song she'd written herself last year (with such earnest lyrics it almost hurt to listen to; each chord on Jessica's guitar slicing through Shannon's heart because _she _understood and she could _relate _to it- because she knew that Jessica far more than the bright one who was always smiling) was horribly truthful- a glimpse into the shy, nervous girl behind Jessica's stage-and-school persona manufactured so people would like her.

That song showed the 'real' Jessica.

The Jessica that Shannon had curled up with under the bedcovers during their sleepovers.

The Jessica in that song was the Jessica Shannon could embrace, with both arms; because that lonely, melancholic Jessica_ wasn't_ a star, and she wasn't even particularly sensational.

She was a normal girl.

A normal girl who worried about fitting in, who had feelings that could be hurt (and they were hurt- they were hurt so many times, even though she tried to pretend otherwise) when people judged her for her family name rather than her personality; and who looked even more beautiful, in an understated way, with her face fraught with worry than Jessica's stage persona did under the spotlights holding her guitar and wearing that smile.

_That _Jessica- the shyer, stumbling, unsure one- was the Jessica Shannon really cared about; in a way so strange and unusual and intense it made her heart beat faster just to think of it.

But Jessica didn't play that song during the culture festival that year.

Jessica didn't show that side of her character again; and, somehow, Shannon doubted she ever would.

Maybe Jessica had only played that song once, just for Shannon's ears. Maybe that song had been an attempt to reach out and tell Shannon, as the two girls began to develop their tentative relationship, that 'no… I'm... I'm really not that amazing. No more than you. So don't feel too intimidated by me, please.' But Shannon had already received the true meaning of that song- keeping it inside her heart, nurturing it, in the same way she'd done with the promise made between herself and Battler - and Jessica had already told somebody about her true feelings; and maybe, for Jessica, that was enough.

She didn't need to tell anybody else.

As long as somebody- anybody (even a lowly maid with lofty dreams)- understood, then it was alright; and Jessica could keep on smiling.

She could keep on being a star.

And when her star burnt out- when she stepped off the stage and tied up her hair and put her guitar away- she could go back to Shannon and be the girl she was underneath the façade.

But the new song line-up had not been the only difference at Jessica's cultural festival.

There had been another change- and perhaps this one was more surprising.

It was a change in Mikuo.

Shannon hardly knew the boy (though she had heard Jessica complain about him dozens upon dozens of times, to the point where it began to seem like a reoccurring theme)- but when Shannon saw him for the second time at the cultural festival, just after he'd stepped down from the stage and put his drum sticks away and changed back into his usual school uniform he's seemed so…

So different, somehow.

Not at all like the 'Trickster Sprite' he'd been before; and though there were still traces of _that_ in there, there had been something else, too- something so subtle Shannon had a hard time pin-pointing how, exactly he was so incredibly (and yet so slightly) different.

Shannon and Jessica had been walking through the corridors- or, more like, Jessica had been dragging Shannon along ("I want to get something to eat! I'm starving!", "T-that's okay, but you're hurting my arm..." "Tut, tut! Food waits for no man, Shannon!" "O-o-okay, but you won't die if you don't eat something in the next five minutes… B-but you might really pull my arm off!")- when Shannon caught a glimpse of the turquoise-haired boy out of the corner of her eye.

He hadn't been alone.

Mikuo had been stood beside a tall, skinny girl with silver hair and equally pale skin- though her eyes had been startling crimson, peering owlishly through her milky tresses. The girl had been flushing, looking down at her own feet, whilst Mikuo teased her with a gentle smile; tugging at her long ponytail, and stealing bites of her crepe when she was distracted- and, on one occasion, giving her a quick kiss on the cheek.

When Mikuo saw Shannon and Jessica he'd given them a small wave and a lazy smile- saying something to Shannon along the lines of "I'd never forget a pretty face like your's!"- but he hadn't left the silver-haired, dreamy-eyed girl's side.

He hadn't left her.

And, somehow... even when he was teasing that girl, and making her blush...

He'd looked incredibly mature.

"Who's that?" Shannon had asked Jessica, her voice soft- not wanting to embarrass the silver-haired girl by talking about her too loudly (from the few seconds Shannon had observed her, Shannon had noticed she'd spent a lot of time blushing; staring at the floor, her eyes obscured by her whitish bangs).

"That girl?" Jessica had asked- voice casual, offhand.

"Yes."

"Oh, you don't know, do you?" Jessica had said, smiling. "If you went to this school you'd know- 'cause, like, _everybody_ does. It's common knowledge. That girl's Yowane Haku."

Somehow, that name struck a chord in Shannon's mind; echoing, creating ripples, as though the silver-haired girl's name were a pebble that had fallen into the water.

For whatever reason, it seemed incredibly significant-

But Shannon had never seen her before, had she?

She was sure she would've recognized such an ethereal girl before; because Yowane Haku looked like an ink illustration from a fairytale book come to life.

And then…

Shannon gasped.

She remembered.

She remembered all too well.

The real question was- how could she have forgotten?

_"So what did Mikuo do to poor Yowane?"_

_"He made some promises to her- stupid stuff; everything Mikuo says is stupid. And Yowane took it too seriously. And..."_

She...

She _had _heard of Yowane Haku before.

Jessica had spoken about Yowane before to Mammon in that conversation- the conversation that had made Shannon question her own promise with Battler; the conversation that had almost (but not quite) pulled the foundations of Shannon's fairytale love story out from underneath her feet. Using that silver-haired, doe-eyed girl as an example, Jessica and Mammon had very nearly cracked Shannon's heart in two; like a plate that had been dropped on the floor by clumsy, fumbling fingers.

But Yowane Haku hadn't looked _upset_ when Shannon had seen her in the corridor, her too-small school uniform clinging to her body, her socks falling down round her ankles and her lips forming a small, upside-down 'V'.

She hadn't looked upset at all.

It was quite the contrary, in fact.

Yowane Haku hadn't been smiling (and, somehow, Shannon had the impression she wasn't a girl who _could _smile- even when she was cheerful); but, from her flushed face, and the way she gave a small squeak when Mikuo stole bites of her crepe- tugged at her ponytail- gave her that small kiss on the cheek- she had been truly happy.

They'd both looked happy together; even if they didn't fit- even if Mikuo was impossibly bright, and Haku seemed somewhat _drab _in comparison.

They hadn't fit together at all, not really-

And yet, despite that...

They'd been happy.

"B-but I thought..." said Shannon, her voice filled with confusion, as she turned to look at Jessica. "I thought you said... You and Mammon... That it didn't work out?"

"Oh... Well. Ahaha..." Jessica gave a small laugh- her finger moving to pull the over-large hair ribbon from her head (Jessica had been so intent on dragging Shannon along to get some food she hadn't taken it out earlier). "Well... I-I guess even I- _amazing_ though I am- can be wrong about some things. Sometimes. But don't tell anybody that, okay? And don't tell Mammon either; she'd probably be disappointed. She seems to enjoy the pain of others. Hahaha~ Then again, if I had to be a maid my whole life, going 'what can I get you sir?' and smiling whilst people stare at my ass, **I'd **turn into a pretty sadistic bitch quite quickly, too. I don't understand how _you _managed to stay so innocent and adorable~ Hahaha~" And then Jessica turned to Shannon- the long length of white ribbon held in her hand- and winked.

"S-so it worked out between them..?" asked Shannon- hardly able to hide her happiness.

Jessica couldn't help but smile as Shannon's eyes lit up; and then, grinning, the blonde prodded Shannon in the cheek.

"You sound so _cheerful _it's disgusting," Jessica sniggered- though her words were light, and she didn't mean it. "Yeah; I don't know how it happened, and it was a really big surprise- but it looks like it did. Work out, I mean. In the end. After a bunch of misunderstandings and some tears; and geez, I've never seen Mikuo so love-struck or upset before, moping around after Haku- being all 'I don't care about anybody else! I'm sorry if I hurt your feelings- I didn't mean it; I became your friend because I wanted to see you smile, nothing else! But I think about you all the time, and I can't help myself! P-please accept my feelings!'... Urgh." Jessica mimed being sick, sticking out her tongue and pulling a face; though it was all in jest. "It was _sickening, _and it kind of made me consider pulling out my own fingernails. I was sure stuff like that only happened in those cruddy shojo manga series Miki likes so much- when the girls' eyes are all…" Jessica made a roundabout motion with her hands. "But rest assured, I am **never **going to let Mikuo live that down. _**Ever**_. Gyahaha!"

Shannon watched Jessica as she laughed- the two girls walking side by side; and, at that moment, Shannon felt something very warm welling up inside her chest.

It was ridiculous feeling happiness for two people she hardly knew- but Shannon couldn't help herself.

Haku's unhappiness- Haku's steadfast belief in a promise Mikuo had made, that had somehow backfired and broken her heart- had once been used as a weapon; cruel words that cut Shannon's dreams in two, and made her question her own love with Battler because 'boys always say things they don't mean.'

But Mikuo had, apparently- despite his childish, irresponsible nature- managed to keep his promise after all; defying everybody's expectations (even Jessica's).

It seemed strange- bizarre- that two people so completely dissimilar in every respect, like the over-exuberant Mikuo and the sky Haku, could come together like that; could fall in love and make it _work._

It sounded like something from a fairytale- not something between two junior high school students.

Love was painful.

And maybe- if Jessica's story had been right- love had hurt Haku, once upon a time.

But a successful love story brought more happiness than it brought pain; and you had to embrace _both_ emotions at the same time to ever truly be happy.

If you went through miserable times, that only made the happiness you could experience all the sweeter, didn't it?

Being hurt made you appreciate being loved all the more- and you couldn't separate the pain from the love and throw it away, because pain was a part of life; and if you spent your whole life being afraid of pain you'd never progress.

You had to keep striving forwards.

So, if that strange, mis-matched couple (the cheery boy and the gloomy girl) could be happy-

Then Shannon could be happy, too.

And yet, even though Shannon couldn't keep a small smile from quirking the corners of her lips, she still wondered- as she had been wondering, for such a long time...

Was she even in love with Battler at all?

Surely she had been, once upon a time- but that promise made two years ago felt so far away; and perhaps the Battler from those two years ago (the childish boy, not even a teenager, who knew as much about 'love' as a single, solitary ant knew about the other planets in the sky) was different to the Battler now- because people changed.

Shannon had changed.

Surely Battler would have changed, too.

And when people changed, so did your feelings towards them.

Maybe that was why Shannon felt her cheeks flushing, her heart beating, when she looked at Jessica- the _real_ Jessica, without the shell she wore in public to protect her- and maybe that was why she thought Jessica was so amazing; so wonderful; so beautiful...

Shannon's feelings towards Jessica had changed, too.

They had-

"Hey, Shannon. You're over-thinking things again, aren't you?" Jessica's voice cut through Shannon's train of thought- unwinding it like a ball of wool- and Shannon started in surprise, almost guiltily, as Jessica looked up at her with curious eyes, her lashes so long and thick, her blonde hair casting shadows across her face; her lips pulled into a small smile.

Shannon had been so lost she'd stopped walking- stood still, surrounded by the noise of various school students and teacher rushing past her, like a heavy rock in the middle of a moving stream; and Jessica had stopped beside her.

Shannon flushed slightly, trying to look away; because, all of a sudden, Jessica's blue eyes were very bright.

Almost piercing.

Jessica was too good at reading Shannon's emotions- and Shannon was worried (embarrassed) that, somehow, Jessica would see past her flushed face into the confused, complicated thoughts circling round in her head.

"You dummy," said Jessica teasingly- lovingly- as she gave Shannon a light prod in the side. "You_ shouldn't _think about these things too much, you know. You'll only upset yourself. You seem to be very good at doing that."

Shannon couldn't have agreed more; and yet, even though Jessica spoke sense, Shannon couldn't prevent her mind from wandering.

She couldn't stop it.

Shannon's mind had been wandering a lot ever since she spent the night in Jessica's arms; the blonde girl trying desperately to keep them together (to keep their friendship from falling apart) because they were both lonely, they'd both been so lonely- and Shannon didn't want her love for Battler (if she loved him at all) to drive them apart; not when love could be a wonderful thing (she'd seen that with Mikuo and Haku; like something from a fairytale, unexpected and unusual and completely_** perfect**_), and love could do more than destroy things.

It could build friendships.

Romances.

And happiness.

Shannon didn't want her love to tear herself and Jessica apart- because that would have been a tragedy.

But love was a complex emotion- and Shannon had so much of it locked up inside her heart (love for the Battler of two years ago; and love for the Jessica of the present, with her wide smiles and determination and her attempts to cheer Shannon up no matter how miserable she felt) that there were times when she was unsure of herself; unsure of her future; and unsure who, if it came between Battler and Jessica, she loved most.

She didn't know if she 'loved' Battler.

And she didn't know if 'loved' Jessica, either.

But, if it wasn't love- it was something very similar.

Something very comforting.

And also very frightening.

Shannon didn't want to think about it- she wanted to shut it out.

And, at the same time, she wanted to hold it close.

And, being split between two halves- stuck with an inability to decide, and stuck between the promises she'd made with two different people- Shannon wasn't sure what to do.

"If Haku and Mikuo can make a relationship work- and trust me, I was completely _astounded _when I learnt Mikuo could make a relationship work with anyone- then you can make a relationship work with Battler. Stranger things have happened," said Jessica, her eyes soft; loving (there was so much love between them Shannon was scared she'd drown- because nobody had cared about her_ that _much before).

Shannon's face flushed red at Jessica's words, and she wrapped her arms round her middle- as though trying to protect herself.

But Shannon still didn't know what, exactly, she was trying to protect herself from.

"I mean, I don't understand how you could li~ike Battler," said Jessica- grinning; but her voice wasn't malicious. "It's insane, and you have terrible taste, and you could do so much better. I mean, you're so pretty, Shannon- and so kind! I'm a little jealous you'd waste all that on the most undeserving person in the universe, with the _worst _hairstyle. If I was as amazing as you I'd go for a guy who really deserved me! But if being with Battler would make you happy then... Then... Heh." Jessica ruffled Shannon's hair. "You go for it."

Shannon's breath caught in her throat.

All of a sudden, Jessica was close- far too close; and Shannon was sure, if she'd wanted to (in fact, some distracted part of her scatter-brained mind was already doing this), she could have counted Jessica's every eyelash. Shannon could see the light dusting of freckles that covered Jessica's nose; far more clearly than she'd ever been able to before...

And Shannon...

Shannon wasn't sure whether it was Battler she loved...

Or if it was the smiling girl stood before her.

When Jessica was on a stage, she was almost unreachable.

But now Jessica was so close Shannon felt like she was going to get burnt.

Hurt.

A moth to the flame.

A stupid, clumsy moth who didn't know what it was doing- or even what it was feeling.

A moth who knew the fire was dangerous- who knew the fire would singe its wings and burn its body- but it couldn't help but keep flying towards it.

Than again- wasn't love illogical?

"T-thank you..." said Shannon softly, her brown eyes flicking up to meet Jessica's intense gaze; and though she wanted to look away again (Jessica's eyes made Shannon feel ever so slightly sick; butterflies fluttering in her stomach, that hummingbird flapping its wings in her heart), she found she couldn't. She was transfixed. A stupid moth. A stupid girl. A girl in love (in love with who?) "B-but I... I don't know... if... I-if I like him... l-like that... ..."

"Is this something to do with mom?" asked Jessica. "You think she wouldn't approve? Because if it is... Well. You've been my friend for ages, and I'm sure mom doesn't approve of _that_- but it doesn't matter. She'll get over it." Jessica smiled, her nose crinkling- her nose peppered with those light freckles, so close Shannon could see each and every one of them. "In a millennium or so. If you're lucky."

Shannon returned Jessica's smile slowly, almost tentatively; and then both of them were laughing.

"M-maybe... Just a little," Shannon confessed- once her laughter had died away. It disappeared quicker than it had arrived; and it left Shannon feeling somewhat relieved she'd been able to laugh at all, considering how confused and mixed-up her jumble of feelings were. "But that's not all... I-I also... Um... I-I just don't know... If... If I still l-l-love... If I still love him. O-or if I ever did…"

Jessica looked down at Shannon as she muttered and stumbled her way through a simple sentence- her face heating up like a lantern. Jessica quirked her brow at Shannon's inarticulate ramblings; but she didn't say anything cruel, nor did she try to interject.

"Don't sound so scared," said Jessica, smiling- poking Shannon in the forehead so the brunette squeaked. "You make it sound like you should always know what you're feeling _all_ the time. But life doesn't work like that. It's okay to be confused."

"D-do you ever feel like this, Jessica?" asked Shannon, biting her lower lip- her eyes darting about in worry. "Is this normal? I... U-um... I feel like I'm feeling fifteen different things; a-and I don't know what to do..."

"Wow. Fifteen. That's a lot. Have you counted? Can you name them all?"

"J-jessica!"

"Okay, okay. Sorry," said Jessica, grinning- taking a step away from Shannon. "What a stupid question, though."

"I-it's stupid...?"

"Of course it is," said Jessica, running her fingers through her hair in that distracted manner of hers- though her smile didn't falter. "I'm not saying you're stupid, Shannon- you read all those mystery novels that are like, haha, wayyyy out of my league. But you asked a _weird _question. Because you _know _me... Probably better than most other people do. And... Heh... Well. Just between you and me." Jessica looked about the hallway; and though it was now fairly deserted (most people had begun to go home; the sun was beginning to set, and the shadows were gradually becoming longer), she still pressed a finger against her lips and spoke in a hushed voice. "Well... I... Feel confused about a _lot _of things. Most things. _**All**_ of the time."

Shannon's eyes widened at this confession. Though Jessica was grinning, that mischievous look about her face- Jessica looked shy.

Nervous.

This was the real Ushiromiya Jessica. The one Jessica _hadn't_ chosen to sing about- because, instead, she'd smoothed over her inner emotions with even wider smiles and even brighter, more upbeat song lyrics; but that soft, shy Jessica was still (all the time she was still there), and Shannon was suddenly reminded- quite forcefully- just how pretty that unsure, unconfident Jessica was.

"So don't worry," Jessica finished. "It's normal. You don't need to understand every little thing that goes on inside your head the whole time. Life would be boring that way."

"Y-you think so?"

"I'm _sure _so. I mean- if I was in love with a fre~eak like Battler I'd be pretty confused, too," said Jessica, sniggering; pressing her fingers against her lips, as her eyes narrowed in a mocking manner. "I'd, like, have an aneurysm or something! Hahahaha!"

"B-Battler's not a freak!"

"Says you! You haven't heard him snoring like I have! You might wanna think a_** bit**_ more carefully next time you fall in love!"

"W-well, you toss about in your sleep- a-and one time you hit me in the face!" Shannon retorted, pouting.

"Why?~ Are you saying you like _me _now?"

"N-no… No! I'm… I'm saying you shouldn't make fun of Battler when you're just as bad!"

"Nahh~ I might be a weird sleeper, but my hair will never be as hideous as his! My gosh- Shannon, did you hit your head on a rock the day you fell in love with him?~"

"T-that's mean!" Shannon retorted, her hands clenched at her sides. "T-that's... D-don't make fun of me...! I-I hardly know how I feel myself! Y-you're being mean…!"

"Huh." Jessica smiled- tilting her head to one side, her fingers clasped together. "Maybe… Maybe I am. Maybe I'm jealous."

Shannon's eyes widened.

"J-jealous?"

But Jessica quickly brushed her previous comment aside- with another bright smile.

"Be that as it may~" Jessica said, her voice light-hearted (almost sing-song) as her fingers wrapped round Shannon's wrist once more, "I know exactly how _I _feel this very second."

"H-how?"

"I'm hungry. Let's go and get something to eat."

* * *

><p>How long did those happy times last?<p>

Shannon didn't know.

She hadn't counted.

But she almost wished she had.

For, whilst she had been confused- confused, and just a little_ scared_ at how her heart would pound and her cheeks would flush as Jessica pulled her into hugs or patted her head- she had been happy; truly happy. Shannon's thoughts had occasionally turned to Battler- and then she would bite her lip, her insides would twist, and she'd feel sick; so she tried to think of something else.

Something happier.

Her mind would always, invariably, bring up images of Jessica instead.

And yet, despite the warm smiles and playful banter exchanged between the two girls, there had been a sense of dread- a fear, always lurking at the back of Shannon's mind- that it wouldn't last; that real life wouldn't allow Shannon to bumble through life, confused by her feelings but still inexplicably happy despite them (or maybe because of them), for much longer.

All good things came to an end.

Everything would wither and die.

And as another Christmas came and went- a winter that wasn't all that cold, but Shannon still wore those mittens Jessica had given her and Jessica still wore Shannon's disgrace of a hand-knitted scarf- Shannon tried desperately to cling onto her friendship with Jessica; and during their frequent sleepovers Shannon wasn't sure which one of them (her or Jessica) was clinging to the other tighter- because it was easy to laugh and smile during the day, but the nights reminded Shannon their time was numbered and everything would end... And she couldn't be this close to Jessica forever. Shannon couldn't lay beside Jessica, her body held against hers, inhaling the scent of her shampoo as Jessica's blonde hair poked her in the face- Shannon's heart hammering and her face flushing- like that in a state of complete confusion forever.

Because life didn't work like that.

And life didn't care about hopes or dreams of promises.

Time would never slow down.

And time would always triumph.

As the days towards the upcoming family conference- the third conference after Battler's promise- ticked down (came closer and closer), Shannon felt herself clinging to Jessica tighter and tighter, out of love and confusion and pain and fear.

What would happen if Battler came back?

What would happen if he didn't?

Either way...

Shannon knew that family conference would force her to make a decision.

She couldn't be confused forever.

And, eventually, she'd have to decide how she felt.

But she didn't think she was ready…

* * *

><p><strong>an: **another cute, rather light-hearted-ish chapter... :3 These are fun to write.  
>But it'll all go to hell later when Shannon has to make a decision.<br>This fic is nearly finished. There are only two chapters left. I feel happy about that- even though Shannon's confusion/friendship/romance is really fun to write about XD  
>Yay ^_^;;<p>

Also, Mikuo and Haku are adorable. Haku reminds me an awful lot of Clair vaux Bernardus, and Mikuo was somewhat of a Battler expy here, so Mikuo/Haku is basically a stand-in for Battler/Clair (another one of my favorite umineko pairs. The more you know, huh? XD)

**~renahhchen xoxo**


	9. Had been nobody but

**Melancholic****  
><strong>Chapter Nine

'1983: Had been nobody but'

* * *

><p>For a long time- far, <em>far <em>too long- Shannon's might had been fraught with indecision. That was nothing new. Shannon was fairly indecisive about most things; from what move she should make next in Koi Koi (which was probably why Jessica became so restless whenever she played against her), or even what part of the floor she should begin to sweep first.

But the decision Shannon found herself faced with now was a lot bigger than trivial children's card games or household chores- far, far bigger.

If the other decisions Shannon had ever had to make in her life were like pebbles- they fell into the undulating stream of life with a small splash, making ripples, but they all got swept along eventually and had no long-lasting affect- then _this _decision (the one revolving around Battler) was like a boulder.

Unmoving.

Unrelenting.

And it refused to be worn away; broken down; picked up and carried with the stream- because Shannon's life simply _could not _move on until she'd made a choice.

Did she love Ushiromiya Battler?

Had she ever?

She didn't know.

It was impossible to know.

The third family conference finally loomed on the horizon- the third year (because Shannon had been counting; crossing the days off on her calendar without knowing whether she should be happy or sad, hopeful or scared- so, instead, she felt all of those feelings at once; her heart so filled with emotion it felt like it would burst) since Battler and Shannon had made their promise.

And then…

Shannon was given her answer altogether too quickly.

And it tore her heart right out of her chest.

She was 'furniture'.

A servant.

Why did she have a heart at all, if people smashed it with every footstep they took?

Why was she able to fall in love?

Was it only so she could feel hope- and then, following that 'hope', crushing pain?

Was that the only reason?

Because when Battler didn't return again (for the _third _time; and memories flashed past Shannon's eyes- of Mikuo and Haku stood together, Haku not really smiling- but it had been obvious ((oh so obvious, painfully so)) that the silver-haired girl had been happy regardless; her happiness washing any pain or sadness or grief away in a wave) Shannon felt as though thorns had dug into her heart.

And her roots of love began to twist and mutate into something _ugly._

Something twisted.

Rather with disease.

Shannon's feelings… weren't beautiful anymore.

Jealousy, betrayal, and a thousand other emotions besides began to well up in Shannon's heart; beading at wounds like blood from a cut- as Shannon clasped her fingers to her chest and tried to force her emotions to stop it- just stop it (but they wouldn't listen, they wouldn't stop, they _couldn't_ stop-

Not now.

Not ever).

Haku had been happy.

Why was _**she**_ allowed to be cheerful… when Shannon felt so miserable?

But just because one person- _one_ boy, _one_ human being, amidst a sea of thousands- had kept their unlikely promises, it didn't mean everybody would.-

Basing your hopes and dreams on the happiness of others was a risky move; because Haku's happiness had never been Shannon's to begin with.

Shannon had been...

So very naïve.

And childish.

And Shannon knew- as she stood on the dock, watching Kyrie and Rudolf and the young, chubby Ange with red hair like Battler's and the same smile; and she looked so much like her big brother it was as though his ghost were there, tormenting Shannon further with the knowledge the real Battler wasn't there- that maybe she _**had **_been in love after all.

Because if she hadn't...

Why did it hurt so much?

Why did people fall in love at all-

_"Placing so much faith in a guy... it's beyond ridiculous."_

When it only brought pain?

* * *

><p>If Battler's absence had been the <em><span>only<span>_ thing that drove needles- spines of pain- deep into Shannon's heart, then perhaps that wouldn't have been so bad.

Shannon could live with disappointment. After all, she was a maid to the great Ushiromiya family; her existence nothing more than a drop in the ocean, or a grain of sand on the beach. Shannon was small, unimportant, and insignificant (even if Jessica didn't seem to think so. Jessica had always said before- almost two ago, though it felt like longer- "_maybe, when you've changed your view of the world, you should try and combat mine"_; but how could Shannon change something that was an integral part of _her_?).

And, in the grand scheme of things, Shannon didn't really matter.

Shannon didn't deserve Battler's attentions- and she should have been _flattered_ he'd ever made a promise with her at all.

Shannon could live with disappointment.

She could always lie to herself (feeding herself untruths by the handful as though they were truffles; as she had do many other times before, to fill that empty aching spot in her heart; gorging herself on false hopes and fairytales dreams until she felt sick).

Shannon could always have pretended Battler was still thinking about her, and she was still thinking about him, and she could keep smiling, keep laughing; keep her heart in tact (keep nurturing that crooked sapling of love until it bloomed into something more beautiful)- and everything would be fine.

If Battler's absence had been the only factor affecting Shannon's feelings during the third family conference, that wouldn't have been so bad.

Because Shannon could have kept lying to herself- and that would have been fine.

But Battler's absence wasn't _all._

And it _**wasn't**_ fine.

Because, whilst Shannon could live with disappointment (she'd been doing that for most of her life; especially within the past three years following Battler's small promise; that throwaway exchange of words that might not have meant too much to anyone else, but meant the world ((_created a world_)) for Shannon), she couldn't...

Well.

Not many people could have lived with the knowledge they'd been _completely _forgotten by the one they loved.

That_ wasn't _disappointing.

It was 'disappointing' when it began to rain after you'd hung the laundry out to dry, and it was 'disappointing' when you realized you'd come to the wrong conclusion about the culprit in a mystery novel, and it was 'disappointing' when Battler didn't keep his promise (but he still had time; he hadn't abandoned her- he couldn't have; Mikuo hadn't abandoned Haku.

Lies, lies- so many lies; and Shannon _knew_ it).

But those letters...

Those letters had changed everything.

Those letters had been the final weight that tipped the scales; and made Shannon's carefully constructed hopes and dreams and wishes collapse from underneath her- falling under their own grandiose; because Shannon had been building and building and building upon that promise for so long (for three years), and it had- in a matter of seconds- all been pulled out from underneath her.

Three years of wishing gone.

Wasted.

That wasn't 'disappointing'.

That was _heart-breaking._

Battler really had...

He'd...

Forgotten about her.

And maybe Mammon had been right.

_"They always say things they don't mean."_

Shannon wasn't sure what hurt most.

The fact that she'd been betrayed-

Or the fact that; no, she'd _only_ been betrayed in such a way because she'd opened her heart up so much she'd as good as _invited _somebody to wrench it from her chest; her blood and her dreams mingling together- washing out of her body in painful rivulets that drip drip dripped like falling rain.

If Shannon hadn't believed in Battler's promise so blindly- if she hadn't been so **stupid**; what a stupid, clumsy, _useless _maid she was (that was what Natsuhi said; it was what _they all said_- and Shannon knew, then and there, that Natsuhi, Asune, Berune and all the other maids had been right about her)- then she wouldn't have become so hurt.

It only hurt so much because she'd let it.

It hurt because Shannon had deluded herself into believing a promise that had _**never**_ existed to begin with.

Maybe Mikuo had made a promise with Haku- and maybe that strange pair had achieved some semblance of a 'happily ever after'; but that was different- completely different. Mikuo was a teenager; responsible for his actions- and whilst he wasn't entirely 'mature', he knew what 'love' was and he understood what it meant when you devoted your heart to somebody (because he'd stayed by Haku's side; he'd stolen bites from her crepe and a few kisses, teasing her, smiling- and his fingers had found hers and he hadn't left; he never ran away).

But Battler had only been twelve or so when he made that promise with Shannon.

Battler hadn't been old enough to understand what he was saying- not really.

And Shannon had been a fool for thinking he would remember.

What had she expected?

Battler hadn't broken her heart.

Shannon had- effectively- broken it herself.

Shattered _herself _with her own stupidity.

* * *

><p>When you wanted to break a board, you couldn't put one dent into it and hope for the best; you had to stamp on it continuously, forcefully, until it split right down the middle.<p>

Battler's absence had created the first crack in Shannon's heart.

But the letter (the absence of a letter) finished the job.

Because when Jessica had stood there, under the sun- the warm rays glinting through her blonde hair, turning it golden- with a small smile on her face and her opened letter in her hands (George to her right and Maria to her left; the Ushiromiya family smiling, laughing- conversing; but Shannon wasn't part of that laughter, and she never would be) Shannon had never felt more lonely.

More ostracized.

Or more foolish.

And the small frown tugging Jessica's lips as she turned to look at Shannon (Jessica had, for a few moments, seemed so pitying; her blue eyes filled with worry as Shannon tried not to fall apart with her fractured smile and bleeding heart) made it worse.

It made it so much worse.

* * *

><p>Shannon wasn't sure when, exactly, her thoughts began to twist; but she'd always had an over-active imagination (which was why she enjoyed both fantasy and mystery novels. The former allowed her mind to wander through strange new lands not bound by reality- whilst the latter let her mind work through possible suspects and motives and murder weapons to create a story that was incredibly intricate- but bound by the laws of the of the <em>real world- <em>which was perhaps even more exciting than fairytales with princes and princesses and happy endings, because if you were intelligent enough anybody could have orchestrated a beautiful series of closed room murders)- and perhaps it was inevitable it would begin to take rather dark, disturbing turns.

Shannon's feelings began to twist and mutate, in the same manner the snapped and broken remnants of her 'love' had been ravaged under the cruel eyes of reality, whenever she passed Jessica in the hallway- because Jessica had received a letter, and Shannon had not.

Battler hadn't forgotten Jessica.

But, then again...

Nobody could forget Ushiromiya Jessica.

She was so bright, so dazzling- almost breath-taking; and when she stood up on stage with her guitar and her smiles splashed across her face it was impossible to tear your eyes away. Nobody- not even Shannon- could reach Jessica when she was on such a high pedestal; but Shannon could watch Jessica, just as she watched stars in the night sky, and smile.

Shannon had always tried to smile for Jessica- because Jessica was so kind, so very sweet-natured, that she_ deserved_ to be a star.

Jessica deserved to shine.

But Shannon couldn't smile about it anymore.

Instead, when her brown eyes flickered towards Jessica's face, Shannon felt none of that fondness.

It had all corroded away.

Turned into something ugly.

Why should Shannon smile for Jessica?

Jessica was an Ushiromiya.

Jessica had a bright future stretching out ahead of her. People would always like Jessica; and not just for her family name and status (which was a curse just as much as a blessing), but for her quick humor, her good looks, her unfaltering smile and her steadfast attempt to mask that shy, nervous side of her personality- the _real _Jessica- from prying eyes.

Shannon was different.

Shannon was quiet and shy and clumsy, and she couldn't do the simplest of things.

She hated being around large groups of people.

She couldn't smile like Jessica did.

And she was a maid; a lowly girl who scrabbled around on the floor, on her hands and knees, for a living- whilst Jessica stood so far above Shannon she could hardly see her.

Jessica didn't_** need**_ Shannon's smiles.

What would the smiles- or the friendship- or a lowly servant meant to Ushiromiya Jessica?

Jessica already had everything.

And Shannon…

She'd been left with nothing.

Nothing at all.

Everything about Shannon- her thoughts, her feelings, her dreams and hopes- were worth less than dust or ash.

And now ashes were all that remained on her lofty dreams-

Her childish love-

And her firm friendship.

Grief had brought about envy.

And envy was worse than any poison- seeping through Shannon's heart, until she was sure the tears she cried at night (no matter how hard to tried to keep her composure she couldn't; not when she thought of how many hopes she'd inadvertently pinned onto that one promise and how much of her love she'd poured down the drain) that stung here eyes and rimmed them red-

Were made entirely of acid.

* * *

><p>Shannon lay under her bed covers, her body curled up on itself- her arms wrapped round her knees for protection.<p>

She used to spend her nights with Jessica- laughing, talking, fumbling about on the guitar at two in the morning and playing all the notes wrong, but smiling all the same because it didn't matter; it didn't matter so long as they were together.

But it was different now.

Shannon...

Couldn't be with Jessica.

Shannon's own jealousy scared her; and sometimes, she felt like she was turning into a new person altogether- her body splitting into so many separate pieces there was no 'Shannon' left at all; there was only an empty girl (a husk with dead eyes clinging on to broken promises).

If Shannon could have pulled all her emotions out of her heart- all the pain and envy and betrayal and self-loathing, self-hating (and love; all the love- there was still so much _**love**_)- and stuffed them into somebody else (cut open somebody's chest and pushed her own feelings inside them, so somebody else's heart was pumping her own blood and somebody else's head was filled up with her emotions) then she would have done so.

Shannon... didn't want to feel_ anything_ anymore.

It was too painful.

* * *

><p>How could you feel hatred <em>and <em>love at the same time?

Wasn't that a contradiction?

Then again- human beings were full of contradictions.

If that was the case...

Shannon didn't want to be human anymore.

Shannon hated Battler- sometimes she _**despised **_him- because he'd made promises to an impressionable young girl (a lowly servant) who'd always been taught she was useless; a very small cog in a much greater wheel. It was Shannon's job to keep the lives of the Ushiromiyas as easy as possible; Shannon herself was 'furniture', and she didn't matter.

And that was okay.

That was fine.

But then Battler came along- and, with his kind smiles, cheerful conversation, and all his promises (his promises he couldn't keep)- he'd made Shannon believe she...

She wasn't just 'furniture' anymore.

Battler had made Shannon believe she was a human being.

Battler had built Shannon up himself, with his own fingers and his own smiles and his own promises, into somebody who could think and feel.

Battler had told her those thoughts and feelings mattered.

Battler had…

Told her so many things.

So Shannon had fed those feelings, nurturing them in her head- and they'd grown so big she could barely contain them; so big they'd scared her- because if her bubble burst it would take out half her chest as well.

And then Battler had...

He'd_ left _her.

_Abandoned_ her.

Shannon should have hated him.

She did hate him.

But, at the same time...

She couldn't stop loving him.

She_** couldn't stop.**_

Maybe that was why her pillowcase was always stained with tears when she woke up- and why her heart felt so heavy she could barely lift her head when the morning came.

* * *

><p>Getting too close to people was painful.<p>

If pins and needles pushing her heart was the only 'thank you' Shannon would receive for being kind and loving and wide-eyed and believing (if_ trusting _people would only ever result in teary eyes leaking venom and a hole in her heart; a crushed ribcage and a head full of feelings she didn't even understand), then why should she even try to cling onto fragile things like 'friendships' at all?

Trying to hold onto a 'friendship' was like gripping hold of a rose.

It looked beautiful, at first glance.

But the serrated thorns would only cut you- until you bled it out bright red.

No more.

Shannon didn't want that friendship anymore.

She didn't want to get hurt.

So she was going to purge.

In flesh and blood and fire, Shannon was going to cut and tear and kill; tugging her own feelings from her chest with her own fingers until she spattered her fingertips bright crimson.

Shannon was going to purge all those useless feelings from her body.

She was going to forget all those happy memories. She was going to take each and every one- the time she'd watched Jessica perform at the cultural festival, that Christmas they'd shyly exchanged the gifts, the time they made lumpy Valentine's Day chocolates together- and throw them all away; send them flying through the air like paper airplanes.

She didn't want them.

She _**couldn't **_want them.

Shannon...

Wasn't going to let anything else hurt her.

Not anymore.

* * *

><p>"S-Shannon! Shannon, can I talk to you-"<p>

When Jessica spoke, her eyes were wide with worry- so thick it seemed to leak from the corners of her eyes; shimmering in unshed tears.

Jessica's fingertips brushed against Shannon's arm.

And...

Shannon turned away.

Ducked her head.

"I'm busy."

"S-shannon-"

"I'm very sorry, Milady- but I have a large number of tasks to do at the moment. Perhaps you could converse with one of the other maids?"

Shannon's face was cold- impassive- when she spoke; like a Russian doll's. Though her lips moved when she spoke, they didn't quirk upwards in a smile; and her eyes remain distant. Misty.

Jessica's own expression twisted; her fingers flying to her chest as though the words had cut her- her lower lip trembling.

Shannon thought- though she wasn't sure, because she'd already turned away- that Jessica might have been crying.

"S-s-shannon!"

But Shannon didn't turn around.

She wasn't going to get hurt again.

Not by Jessica.

Not by Battler.

Not by anybody.

And really...

Jessica was being incredibly selfish.

She didn't have any right to be upset.

After all- Battler hadn't forgotten about _her._

* * *

><p>Sometimes Shannon felt guilty for brushing Jessica aside. After all, it wasn't Jessica's fault Battler had forgotten his promise (forgotten Shannon; forgotten the dreamy-eyed princess locked up on her island waiting for salvation- believing ((believing so <em><strong>foolishly<strong>_, because he'd _let her believe it could really happen_)) she was going to be saved and her feelings had worth and her happy ending would be granted).

It wasn't Jessica's fault Battler had crushed Shannon's heart underfoot.

And Jessica didn't deserve to be treated so cruelly; not after everything Jessica had shared with Shannon- not after how much love and trust had passed between the pair; planting mutual roots that bloomed into beautiful flowers.

But friendships weren't just happy smiles and Valentine's Day chocolates and wistful songs about wide-eyed girls who were really much shyer than it first appeared.

Friendship had thorns.

Friendship came with pain.

Shannon had promised, yes; she'd _promised_ to stay with Jessica.

But Battler had made a promise, too.

And he'd broken it.

And when Shannon remembered that, she didn't feel so guilty anymore.

Sometimes Shannon thought it was all her fault.

She deserved it.

If she hadn't fallen in love with Jessica, Battler might just have come back.

After all- it was impossible to love two people at once.

* * *

><p>Shannon had been making Jessica's bed quickly- her fingers flying over the sheets with a newfound speed she'd never possessed before- because Jessica would be coming home from school soon and Shannon didn't want to run into the blonde-haired girl.<p>

That would have been… awkward.

And probably painful.

It would just dig into old wounds; bursting them open in showers of emotion Shannon wasn't sure she could successfully deal with.

Previously, Shannon had deliberately saved her duties of cleaning Jessica's room for a time when she'd known the blonde would be there- because Shannon's 'cleaning' tasks oftentimes became sleepovers, and the two girls would sit and smile and laugh without the hideous knowledge of hindsight; without knowing of what tragedy would befall them and cleave them apart.

If they had known, would Shannon have tried to bail on Jessica before their friendship grew into something capable of hurting her?

Or would she have clung on even tighter?

Now, Shannon tried her hardest to clean Jessica's room during midday, when Jessica was at school- because Shannon didn't want to talk to her.

There were no more friendly conversations.

No more attempts to learn guitar.

And certainly no more light, cheerful times making Valentine's Day chocolates.

However, on that particular occasion- some two months after the third family conference when Battler had failed to return- Natsuhi had commanded Shannon to clean the dining room twice over because her first attempt hadn't been 'good enough'; and now Shannon only had a few minutes (half an hour at most) to clear away Jessica's things and retreat before the blonde girl caught her.

It was easier avoiding Jessica than it was confronting her own feelings.

It was easier being a coward.

And…

Jessica had never said she was a hero, anyway.

That had been Battler's role.

But he'd messed that up, hadn't he?

How stupid.

Just like a boy…

That was what Jessica would have said.

Jessica…

No matter how hard Shannon tried to remain cold and aloof- the unfeeling servant she was- she couldn't quite quash all the love that still remained; bubbling at the bottom of her heart.

Even though Shannon had been hurt- hurt_ terribly_- love still leaked from her unhealed, open wounds like a deadly poison; and love still continued to cloud Shannon's mind when she thought of Jessica; and love still continued to make Shannon wish, when she was curled up in bed with a mystery novel and the sound of her own heartbeat (it was a wonder her heart could even beat at all when it had been broken), that Jessica was beside her.

Even though Shannon had learnt her lesson- had learnt she'd sooner touch a hot kettle than get so close to another human being ever again- she still, despite that...

Wanted to hold Jessica in a crushing hug, as she had done so many other times before.

Shannon still wanted to hang onto that friendship-

Even though she claimed otherwise.

Even though that 'friendship' would surely cut her fingers- and would bring nothing other than pain.

Shannon was sure if she encountered Jessica in her own bedroom (the place where the two girls had spent so much time together) her unhealed wounds would tear open again- bursting in a torrent of blood, because her injuries hadn't yet crusted over to scabs and scars yet- and she'd drown in her own emotions.

She'd fall apart.

Fear made Shannon's fingers nimble, as she deftly unbuttoned the outer layer of Shannon's duvet and stripped the material away- watching as it pooled about the floor; and, already, Shannon's fingers (without even realizing she was doing it) were replacing the old sheets with fresh ones; moving so quickly Shannon hardly believed those elegant fingers belonged to her.

Well...

Maybe there was one good thing which had emerged from her heart break.

Shannon was a little bit less clumsy now.

And yet- in some cruel twist of fate (Shannon's whole life had been comprised of cruel twists and turns; just like a mystery novel- but it wasn't so much fun when the events had trapped and ensnared _her_ rather than a fictional character)- no matter how quickly Shannon worked, it wasn't quickly _enough._

Somehow, Shannon knew it never would be.

Her best would never be good enough.

Somewhere, out there, Shannon was sure some cruel witch was laughing at her pain- and inviting more misfortunes to cascade upon her, like a deadly shower of acid rain.

There was a click as the door opened- a horrible **thump** as Shannon's heart stopped beating- and a gasp; though Shannon couldn't say for sure whether it came from her or not.

Ushiromiya Jessica stood on the other side of the door; her hair disheveled and her uniform even more so, with her schoolbag slung over one shoulder.

But Jessica dropped it when she saw Shannon.

"S-Shannon...?"

Jessica's voice sounded horribly broken, cracked- as though it were playing through an old radio.

It...

It didn't sound at all like it _should _have done.

And it was enough to make Shannon's frozen heart thump painfully in her chest.

"S-Shannon... Y-you..." But Jessica was struggling to get the words out. Jessica had always been good at talking to a crowd- smiling, laughing, telling jokes, until everybody below the stage had fallen under her dazzling thrall- but when it came to people (two human beings; no stage, no lights, no costumes- nothing at all save for one girl and another girl and their own barely-beating hearts and their own confused feelings) Jessica was lost. Doubtless, Jessica had been turning over what she wanted to say to Shannon in her head for the past few months; choosing words and discarding others in the same careful way she created her song lyrics- but when presented, face-to-face, with Shannon herself, Jessica's mind seemed to have drawn a complete blank.

Jessica didn't know what to say.

Then again, neither did Shannon.

And then...

"Y-you didn't keep your promise..."

The corners of Jessica's eyes began to bead with tears.

Shannon could only watch in horror, her hands clasped to her chest- just above her heart- as Jessica's body collapsed under its own weight. Jessica fell down onto her knees with a horrible, broken sob- moving awkwardly, gracelessly, like a marionette with cut strings. Her hands went to her eyes; shielding her tears from Shannon's eyes- but Jessica's shoulders were shaking, and she was trembling horribly; as though he whole body were going to fall apart.

It was...

It was a... familiar sight...

Shannon's eyes widened.

Widened with realization.

The sight of Jessica, kneeling on the floor- her green school skirt pooling about her thighs in folds, her slender figure racked with shivers- reminded Shannon an awful lot of somebody.

_Herself._

Because, after Battler's letters had been handed out by Kyrie- and then Kyrie had turned to Shannon, with a small smile, and said (oh-so-casually, as though she hadn't just crushed Shannon's heart into a bloody mess of broken hopes and dreams that cut like glass) "that's all of them. There are no more"- that was _exactly_ how Shannon had felt.

Broken.

Defeated.

And completely _helpless._

Battler had broken his promise-

But why...

Why had Shannon broken hers?

Shannon knew how much it **hurt**- how much it twisted the soul (sickened the mind)- to have your promises (flimsy, paper-thin snapshots of time you clung onto like a baby reached for its mother's fingers because they were all you had to remind yourself somebody cared- somebody loved you- and you weren't alone)- your _justifications for being alive and your justifications for daring to be happy_- ripped away from you.

Shannon- more than anybody else- knew how much it stung when somebody broke their promise.

But, if she'd known just how much it hurt-

Then why had she done the same thing to Jessica?

Why had Shannon reduced Ushiromiya Jessica- her _best friend_- to the sobbing ruin that sat upon the dusty floor?

Was it not enough that Shannon's heart had been broken?

Was Shannon really so petty- so_** spiteful**_- so cold and uncaring and imperfect and impossibly _**human**_- that she'd tried to tear Jessica down with her?

Having friends meant pain.

Involving yourself with _any _human being- friend or foe or a random stranger- meant being.

Being born in planet Earth as a human being was reason enough to experience pain at some point in your life.

But you couldn't shut it all out.

You couldn't close your eyes and stopper your ears and pretend life was a fairytale.

You couldn't...

Maybe it was impossible to keep some promises-

But Shannon should have _**tried.**_

Instead of losing herself in her own misery-

She should have tried to alleviate Jessica's.

She should have been a better friend.

Shannon had been running away for too long- all of her life she'd been running away- and tearing her own feelings out of her chest with her _own fingers_ and her own _scrabbling, too-short fingernails _as she tried to purge and purge and purge until there was nothing left (until Shannon _ceased to exist_) wouldn't help.

It would only leave her a hollow shell.

An empty doll with a painted face.

And Shannon was more than a doll- because, all these years, she'd been wrong.

Completely wrong.

Battler had never made her human.

Shannon had **always **been human.

For, if Shannon was only junk- a rusty doll- just _furniture_- then why did the jumbled mess of botched feelings in her breaking heart hurt so much?

If Shannon was only furniture-

Then how had she managed to ruin Jessica?

Shannon didn't know what to say.

She didn't know how to verbalize her feelings.

But she had to try.

If only…

I-if only Jessica would stop crying…

And reminding Shannon of _herself._

"D-don't cry..."

Jessica only sniffed at Shannon's words (they were inadequate- Shannon knew they were inadequate- so why had she said them? So stupid…); wiping the back of her sleeve across her face, in a (futile) attempt to mop up tears that just wouldn't stop.

"I-I can't... Y-you... I-I care about you so much!" Jessica said- her voice quiet at first, but rising to some kind of hysteria as she got to her feet- threw her hands down- and tears were still coursing down her cheeks, and her face was flushed. "I-I care about you! I-I thought you were my friend- you _**said**_ you were my friend- a-and... A-and... I-I_** liked**_ spending time with you! I-I liked it when I could complain to you and you don't listen, or you smile and nod and you didn't even understand; and I liked it when we made those chocolates together; a-and I liked it when I sang my song at the culture festival and you UNDERSTOOD; I could tell you UNDERSTOOD! I liked it... N-no..." Jessica shook her head. "I-I _loved it_ when you gave me that scarf, even though it was the crappiest thing I've ever seen- because **you **made it and you **cared** so much!

"I-I... I thought... I was so worried you'd leave me... A-and you said you wouldn't... B-but... B-but..."

Jessica didn't look at all pretty when she cried- or refined, or ladylike. She didn't look beautiful at all. Her face was blotchy, and her nose was running; her eyes were rimmed with a putrid red like raw meat and her tears stained snail tracks down her cheeks; her hair was a mess and her shoulders were shaking, and every step she took closer to Shannon, Shannon was sure Jessica would topple under the weight of her crushing loneliness.

Jessica wasn't perfect.

She was flawed.

Terribly flawed.

And terribly human.

That was what humans did, wasn't it?

They hurt each other.

And they got hurt in return.

But they could also love.

And be loved in return, too…

Because that was what it meant to be a human being.

"Why did you start ignoring me?" Jessica asked- her words coated with so much pain it made Shannon flinch. "W-why did you break your promise? I-I... I believed you... A-and I know you're a 'girl in love'- and I know you care about Battler- and I could tell you were upset... N-not even upset... You were _crushed _when you didn't get a letter from Battler- I could tell- I **knew you were**- a-and I thought it... it was okay for you to be upset... a-and selfish... B-because you're only human... I-it was okay for you to be unhappy. B-but..."

Jessica's eyes narrowed with determination- her fingers digging into Shannon's shoulders with even more pressure than before.

"But Battler isn't the _only _one who could **ever** have cared about you! _**I **_care about you! I-I care about you so much! F-fuck... I... Y-you're my _best friend_- or at least, you were- and I _love you_. I love you so much..."

Shannon's breath caught in her throat.

Her face flushed- as though she were some shy, meek heroine in the shojo mangas Miki apparently 'loved' so much.

So many emotions swum in Jessica's eyes- across her face- that it was almost dizzying trying to name them all.

But Jessica was right.

There _was_ love there.

There was so much love.

There had always been… so much love… surrounding Shannon.

So much love it _hurt._

And she'd never thought to look.

The burst-open hole-for-a-heart in Shannon's chest began to hammer harder and harder; her cheeks turning an even darker red.

There was pain there, too; horrible pain- and paranoia. A voice whispering at the back of Shannon's head- working its doubtful poison- _'if you get too close you'll get hurt. Do you __**want**__ to embrace pain with open arms again, you stupid girl?_'

Shannon couldn't pretend it didn't hurt.

But she didn't want to pretend anymore.

She'd done enough of that already.

"Y-you..." Shannon's voice caught in her throat when she tried to speak- but she pushed the stammer away; looked up into Jessica's blue, blue eyes (so much like Battler's- but dazzling in the way_ only _Ushiromiya Jessica's could have been) and tried to remain strong. Forced herself not to crumble- at least, not yet. "You... Care about me... t-that much...?"

Jessica winced, as though she were suffering from some great emotional anguish- some horrible pain- and her fingernails bit still deeper into Shannon's flesh. Jessica wasn't crying anymore- but tears still stained her cheeks; sparkling in an almost eerie manner under the lights of Jessica's bedroom.

And then- with wooden movements- red-rimmed eyes- Jessica...

Nodded.

"I-I do... S-so why did you shut me out...? W-why...?"

The answer was simple; so simple Shannon (despite the gravity of the situation) couldn't help but smile, ever so slightly- a sad, self-deprecating smile at her own stupidity.

"B-because... I-I think... I was afraid..."

"A-afraid...?"

Shannon nodded- her face still flushed light pink.

"I-I still am. B-but..."

_I don't want to see you cry._

Moving shakily- hands trembling- Shannon brought her thumb underneath Jessica's eyes; and slowly, tenderly, Shannon wiped the stray tears away from Jessica's face.

"B-but I think... I-I'm getting better."

Blue.

Shannon's eyes were so blue.

Just like the sea.

And they became even bluer, still- as Shannon dipped her head (her body still wracked with embarrassment and disbelief, pain and fear, and love- so much love it felt like she was going to drown; drown in her love as Alice drowned in her tears- and foolish, overly-curious girls they both were, too)- and Jessica instinctively pulled Shannon closer-

And they shared their first nervous, tentative, awkward (and it wasn't perfect- but maybe it was as close to perfect as two flawed people could create)-

First kiss.

* * *

><p>There had always been too much love in Shannon's heart.<p>

Far too much.

Love for Battler.

Love for Jessica.

And it felt like all that love was going to tear Shannon in two- until the clumsy servant girl called 'Shannon' ceased to exist at all.

Maybe 'Shannon' _was_ furniture.

But the girl underneath the façade wasn't.

She'd been a human all along.

* * *

><p>Jessica pulled away from Shannon slowly- her face flushed, her eyes rimmed with red, and her lips pursed slightly- with wide, blue, oceanic eyes; oceans upon sparkling oceans of raw emotion, so painful it cut through Shannon's heart like a knife.<p>

"S-Shannon..."

The sound of that made Shannon start; her eyes widening- because it had truly felt (in those brief few moments) she hadn't been herself at all.

She'd been somebody else.

"Shann- mph..."

Jessica gasped slowly, as Shannon pressed another soft- almost inquistive, curious- kiss against her lips.

This wasn't Shannon; not anymore.

This was...

"S-sayo."

"W-what?" asked Jessica; her eyes widening slightly in surprise.

"Yasuda Sayo." Shannon smiled softly, a little embarrassed; ducking her head- hiding behind her hair. "B-but you can call me 'Yasu'."

* * *

><p>And Yasu was going to keep her promise.<p>

Even if she had to split her own heart into two separate pieces.

A piece to hang onto Battler's broken promise.

And a piece so she could try to keep Jessica's.

Because Jessica _deserved_ to loved.

* * *

><p><strong>an: **hnghh a difficult chapter to write, what this all those ~emotions~ everywhere and whatnot ._.  
>Yesss Shannon's feelings are conflicting and complicated and all over the place, and that was pretty hard to describe. Somehow, whenever I write feelings, they become long strings of weird metaphors and run-on sentences; because I find stuff like that really hard to write down. Believe or not, I ended up cutting quite a bit of emo-ing out XD<br>-sigh-

Feedback on my emotion writin' skillz (or lack of thereof) would be much appreciated ^_^;;

Next chapter is the final chapter.  
>I am excite, because that means I can finish this fic XDD<br>And then write more Umineko stuff nobody will care about except me because I'm ~weird~ XD

**~renahhchen xoxo**


	10. Me

**Melancholic****  
><strong>Chapter Ten

'Me'

* * *

><p>Yasu's first kiss hadn't been perfect- and it hadn't been at all what Yasu had expected.<p>

She'd always expected her first kiss to be with Battler.

A naïve dream.

A fantasy she'd long given up on.

Jessica had been crying- her cheeks wet, leaving moisture on Yasu's fingertips as she cupped Jessica's chin. Yasu had moved slowly, nervously; afraid to touch Jessica even though their lips were pressed together- because what if it was another dream?

A delusion?

Yasu knew the kiss would surely hurt her. Reaching out for Jessica so selfishly with all that love in her heart and confusion in her mind would only result in pain.

And Yasu...

Yasu was _terrified_ of being hurt.

But she was even more terrified of feeling nothing.

Yasu had half-expected Jessica's body to fragment under her fingertips. She'd half-expected to blink- gasp- and open her eyes wide; and realize she'd been daydreaming again (she really _did_ have an incredibly over-active imagination).

But... that didn't happen.

None of that happened.

Jessica didn't disappear.

Jessica's skin was warm and soft and undeniably _real _under Yasu's fingers; and Jessica's cheeks were still wet, her blonde hair brushing against the side of Yasu's face, and Yasu could smell the soft scent of Jessica's shampoo.

Jessica was_ real._

Jessica wasn't flimsy or built on promises- and the feeling of lips against lips in a soft kiss wasn't based a brief exchange of words between two smiling children almost three years ago.

Promises were light as air. They were easy to forget; and sometimes they slipped from your mind altogether, as a clumsy maid might drop a delicate teacup from between her fingers.

Promises were just words and feelings.

It perhaps just a little bit foolish they meant as much as they did to wide-eyed, innocent girls dreaming of 'happily ever after's- because promises weren't concrete or set in stone.

You couldn't cling onto a promise.

You couldn't stop a promise from leaving you.

But, when it came to people...

You _could_ do that.

You could dig your fingertips against their shoulders- or run your hands through their hair- or press your lips against theirs (soft and shy and nervous, but kisses all the same)-

And you could make sure that _people_ didn't leave you.

So Yasu clung onto Jessica even tighter-

Whilst the rest of her life seemed to break away from under her feet.

* * *

><p>Shannon couldn't... keep anymore promises.<p>

Not anymore.

Shannon was simply too broken.

There was a hole in her chest where her heart should have been; raw and oozing and completely empty. Shannon's body had been consumed by a bitter, biting, love that stripped skin from bone and made Shannon cry into her pillow every night.

Yasu was going to keep her promise.

But Shannon couldn't.

It would break her.

It would break her even more completely than she already was; until she wouldn't even be able to stand.

"It's alright," said the white-haired witch, blinking at Shannon's slumped form from the top of her teacup. "You've suffered enough. I'll... take your pain upon my own shoulders."

"R-really?" Shannon asked; and it was a wonder she could speak at all when her eyes look so dead and limbs so stiff, her fingers held at her chest and her whole body trembling. "Y-you'd... You'd do that...?"

"Of course. You deserve to have a rest. You need to heal."

"H-heal?" Shannon eyes widened- her fingertips curling, unbidden, against the material of her shirt. "B-but... I-it hurts... It hurts so much..."

"That may be so- but you're healing already. Don't worry." Beatrice smiled; set her teacup down on its saucer with a light clink of china against china. "Nobody will hurt you again."

* * *

><p>As Yasu stood in Jessica's room, her arms round Jessica's shoulders, her lips pressed against Jessica's own, she felt herself slipping away; her own emotions breaking up like waves on the shore.<p>

It was strange, thought Yasu, that so many feelings could be born from pain.

Envy.

Hate.

Despair.

And yet, with all that pain, came love as well; and whilst love would always, inevitably, spawn_ more_ pain, love could give birth to other emotions, too.

Kinder ones.

The witch of Rokkenjima's night with her white dress and white hair slowly began to change; her hair becoming golden (just like the butterflies that flitted through the tranquil universe where she drank her tea with other demons), her smile becoming more sinister, and her eyes becoming bright, bright blue- just like the ocean.

Love meant change.

And, whilst change could be daunting-

_"Shannon," said Beatrice, idly coiling one strand of golden hair round her finger, "how would you feel about having a younger brother?"_

-it could be wonderful, too.

_"A-a brother...?"_

Painful and beautiful; a contradiction- and an inevitability.

_"Yes. He'd be somebody to keep you company. You won't have to be lonely anymore."_

Life was born of good things and bad things; comprised of happiness and misery.

_"And I think we can call him 'Kanon'. Is that a suitable name?"_

You just had to mix them together.

_"Y-yes..."_

And keep on moving forwards.

* * *

><p>"Take a look at it. All of it. What do you see?"<p>

Kanon frowned (or maybe, thought Jessica, he wasn't 'frowning' at all; because Kanon's default facial expression seemed to lie somewhere between 'apathetic' and 'disappointed'), looking out past Jessica's pointing hand.

Staring out across the sea.

His voice was monotone when he answered. "It's black."

Jessica sighed- pouted, folded her arms.

"No, you dummy," she chastised him, rolling his eyes. "It might be black to you. But when I look at it..." Jessica smiled. "It's bright blue."

"You sound just like my sister."

Jessica couldn't help but smile at that comment. If Shannon thought the ocean was blue, too- if Shannon could see, really see, just how beautiful the world around her was- then maybe Shannon had realized- finally- that she was a human, too.

Maybe- just maybe- Jessica had managed to save her.

Shannon wasn't 'furniture'.

Not anymore.

Once upon a time Shannon had been broken; like a doll missing its eyes, a few fingers broken off- and her heart had been cold; closed to everything, and containing only a few faint memories of happier times and broken promises.

But Shannon wasn't blind anymore.

Shannon's eyes had been opened wide.

And she could see the sea was blue.

Jessica pressed her fingers against her lips, remembering that strange, tearful kiss from two years ago. Jessica had never discussed it with Shannon before, even though they were friends- because it was strange and awkward. Both girls had tried to push it from their minds; keeping it locked in a closed room to one side of their brain because it would have complicated things.

It would have complicated everything.

But Jessica didn't regret it.

She couldn't.

Somehow, she was sure- though she didn't know how- that kiss had changed something.

Maybe_ everything._

Shannon was different now.

During that kiss Shannon had wanted something for herself; and maybe, just maybe, she'd become human.

Jessica liked fixing things.

She liked helping people.

And now she was going to help Kanon.

Because nobody deserved to live their life thinking the sea was black and the sky was grey- when there was so much beauty surrounding them, in almost everything.

Nobody deserved to be melancholic forever.

* * *

><p>Shannon couldn't keep the promise she'd made with Jessica.<p>

Shannon was too broken. Too fragile. And Shannon needed somebody like George- a gentleman who, like her, had been bent and broken by the weight of his own future, by the hands of his mother as she tried to mould him into something perfect (but no humans were perfect)- because he could fix her.

George made Shannon want things for herself.

And Shannon made George a better person; because Shannon's love (after all these years she still knew how to love; it was something she'd never forgotten) healed his wounds and made him realize he didn't have to be perfect after all.

He could be himself.

And that was enough for Shannon.

Shannon couldn't keep her promise- and she couldn't stay by Jessica's side forever.

But Yasu could.

Yasu could split her personality up again and again and again until hardly anything left of _her_ remained- giving bits and pieces, and then huge chunks, to different people because she loved so much; and she couldn't focus her attention on just one.

She wanted to fix everyone.

She wanted _everybody_ to be happy.

But real life didn't work like that.

It came with the good...

And the bad.

And you had to accept them both.

And keep going f

* * *

><p>Yasu could only sit there, wrapped in the heavy dress that had once been Beatrice's, as she waited.<p>

Waited for somebody to find _her_; the real her- not Shannon, nor Kanon, nor the witch of Rokkenjima's night.

Yasu waited for a brave person- a handsome knight- to uncover the lost, lonely girl at the center of all that love; who kept giving and giving until there was nothing of her left.

And Yasu waited...

For her prince to give _her _something back in return.

To take some of that love she'd pushed into the hearts of others- splintered off her body and placed in the beating hearts of incomplete people (dolls)- and give it back to her.

Everybody took from Yasu.

Nobody gave Yasu anything.

They took her away from her parents when she was a baby.

They took her family name.

They took her past- her present- and even her future.

And Battler, Jessica, George- all of them- took her love, too.

But Yasu was only human- and she was selfish- and she wanted something in return.

Yasu waited for her prince to accept every part of her, no matter how small it was, and gather the fragments of Yasu up in his hands; to give back what Yasu had thrown away so easily, and piece her heart back together again.

Yasu wanted her prince to look upon the broken, twisted, confused, conflicting, imperfect mess that was _her _straight in the eye-

And love her for who she really was.

The girl under the mask.

The girl behind the witch of the forest and the clumsy maid and the apathetic furniture.

Couldn't somebody appear who loved them all…?

Until that day came Yasu would wait, in that heavy dress and intricate hairstyle, for somebody to come and save her.

For somebody to save _all_ of her.

Before she drowned under the weight of all the love she possessed, and all the promises she tried- so desperately- to keep clinging on to.

Because she knew she was going to collapse under the weight of her own melancholy.

* * *

><p><strong>The End<strong>

* * *

><p><strong>an: **Yay. I finished something else :D Rejoice?  
>Yeah, I just made Yasu female. I know Yasu's gender is ambiguous, but... Well... I didn't really want to call Yasu an 'it', and I didn't want to screw around with pronouns too much ._. I'm sorry if that bothers anybody XD<p>

Anyway, a big thank you for all the people who read & reviewed, as long as a few people enjoyed it I suppose it was worth writing, and I hope you enjoyed it ^_^;; 

**~renahhchen xoxoxo**


End file.
